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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that DP thinks I should decline pain relief during labour?

103 replies

CJ2010 · 10/06/2011 16:44

He thinks that I should just get on with it and do it 'naturally'. When I question why, he just sort of shrugs and says that he deosn't really believe in taking medicine. Doesn't think I should have an epidural!

However, he can't understand why I call him a hypocrite, when he thinks nothing of sinking a bottle of wine of an evening.

I'm feeling really fucked off with him.

OP posts:
zukiecat · 10/06/2011 16:53

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PrincessTamTam · 10/06/2011 16:53

I would tell him you think it'd be a good idea for him to have a vasectomy with no pain relief too... should be fine if he doesn't really believe in taking medicine.

Original poster
CJ2010 · 10/06/2011 16:53

Loving these replies. He's got to go to the dentist nxt week. If he needs a filling shall I tell him to decline pain relief, but i'll hold his hand and cheer him on!

I really can't understand why he is spouting this shite. I nearly died during my first birth, I just want support.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 10/06/2011 16:53

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Nuttychic · 10/06/2011 16:53

Sorry but I am laughing so much at the replies. To the OP - tell him to shit a watermelon and then come and talk to you. Until then, he can take a bottle of wine with and sit quietly in the corner!

aliceliddell · 10/06/2011 16:53

scurry - don't you mean porcupine? Big porcupine? Great big porcupine holding a pineapple? And that pineapple is being eaten by another, much bigger porcupine?

peppapighastakenovermylife · 10/06/2011 16:54
Shock

On a serious note does he have any idea of the reality of labour? As I wouldnt just be annoyed I would be questioning his attitude towards me.

reelingintheyears · 10/06/2011 16:54

BooyHoo..a 10 year old had an opinion on pain relief during labour?

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 16:55

You could practice with the huffing and the moaning and the writhing and the screaming. Do it a LOT. Ask him to time you. And keep it going for 12 hours.

He might change his mind then.

flimflammery · 10/06/2011 16:55

Suggest that before he can tell you what you 'should' do, he should take hold of his lower lip and pull it over the top of his head.

Ormirian · 10/06/2011 16:55

BTW I thought the same the first time round. I ended up with pethedine and become very very cross indeed when the mw told me I couldn't have any more.

strandedbear · 10/06/2011 16:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoutyHamster · 10/06/2011 16:57

This is quite useful actually, OP - it's good to get a heads up before the actual event that a planned birth partner is going to be no good - positively detrimental in fact. Gives you time to find an alternative birth partner - mum, good friend?

This isn't tongue in cheek - the best thing you can do to get the best chance of having a good labour is, firstly, to make sure that the person(s) supporting you are just that - supportive. Of your feelings, choices, the way you feel that YOU will labour best. He clearly ain't it!

Don't allow him anywhere near the labour if he is going to be unsupportive of your choices, or worse, actually try and push his opinions in front of yours. Do your baby a favour and find someone to be there who will actually be of use to you.

He doesn't believe in taking medicine? I don't see the problem - no-one's asking him to Grin

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 10/06/2011 16:57

Bite down on his hand for the duration of every contraction - bite harder as the pain intensifies. He will be begging you to use some pain relief long before you need it!!

I think the fruit theme is indicative of how caring a place mumsnet is - we are worried about the OP's dh getting his 5-A-Day at this important time in his life!! Grin

PamBeesly · 10/06/2011 16:57

Hi CJ2010 does he have some religious objections to medicine? Not that it makes a blind bit of difference I just wonder where he gets off telling you that you should do it naturally, particularly since you had a traumatic labour before. I think certainly he should have his dentist appointment without pain relief.
Is he generally mean and horrible or is he just winding you up?

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 16:57

Does he have other sadistic tendancies that you know about. Most people find it really hard watching someone they love in pain...

Georgimama · 10/06/2011 16:58

Apparently the nearest a man can come to the experience is passing a kidney stone. Even when blasted the bits of stone are somewhat larger than their pee pee hole. Let's hope he develops a kidney stone.

Do you already have a child together? Is this a recent view?

controlpantsandgladrags · 10/06/2011 16:59

Erm.......is this your first DC OP? If it is then we've probably all scared the shit out of the poor lass!

It is possible to give birth with no pain relief, I have done it twice (but had pretty short labours). You don't need to make any decisions in advance........it's perfectly fine to wait and see how you feel at the time.

MadamDeathstare · 10/06/2011 16:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/06/2011 16:59

I'm with the laugh softly and mutter 'bless' the next time he says it school of thought. Then if he says it again you can add pineapples to your online shop :o

KnitterNotTwitter · 10/06/2011 17:02

When in labour I enjoyed sqeezing DH's hand during contractions... when at the wrong moment he needed to scrach something so removing my favourite hand I grabbed onto the nearest bit of him... apparently it was sternum with one hand and love handle with the other.... I grabbed so hard that made him bleed and he still has the scars. He likes to say that he experienced the pain of childbirth with me as a result but the reality is he has NO IDEA...

Tell your DH that you love the idea of drug-free childbirth in theory but that in practice it doesn't bloody well matter how you get 'em out... You're having a baby, not a birth. And if you end up using pain relief then so be it...

nokissymum · 10/06/2011 17:02

I can't even believe your dp thinks he is in a position to dictate to you on this, he is not the one giving birth, why are even bothering to discuss pain relief with him ? He should just stand back, watch and LEARN!

ballstoit · 10/06/2011 17:03

Was he at the birth of your first child? Or is the first time he'll be pissing someone off supporting someone during labour? He really sounds like he hasn't got a clue.

Youtube have some great birth videos...perhaps you could review first to find the most suitable ones.

I would also have a conversation with a friend within his hearing about how a really painful irth can really put women off sex...forever Grin

zukiecat · 10/06/2011 17:04

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