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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At what age does an innocent boy that needs protecting from a big scary man, become a big scary man?

321 replies

needanewname · 10/06/2011 10:48

Discuss.

OP posts:
sunshineandbooks · 10/06/2011 16:52

Sexual or physical abuse toward children or adults is nearly always about violence and control. Most children are abused because they are easy targets, not because of sexual attraction toward them.

I've just been looking into this as the result of another thread and it's really hard to get your head around, but it appears that the idea that people who sexually abuse children are doing it because of sexual urges is a myth.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:09

Op....Perhaps I'll forgive you as you're obviously struggling to keep up. I haven't said anything about 'these men'.

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 17:13

Crapola

How's that conversation with your sons playing out in your head, then? Happy with it? Imagining their delighted, "thanks, ma!" responses?

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:15

I think it's fair to say that reported incidents of paedophiles being, largely, men would shape someone's view, why wouldn't it?

MIFLAW. TBH I fee3l more sorry for my dds in this world than my sons, they get a much worse deal.

Do you think now that poor men are affected by the shape of society that they might actually do something about it?

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:15

I'd be more worried if they called me 'ma' actually, not being Dot fucking Cotton.

needanewname · 10/06/2011 17:19

Still not answering the question then

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:19

So men get a bad deal ion childcare, it's not great but really it's not that bad is it? Say as bad as the hundreds of jobs where women get a bad deal, overlooked, underpaid, ignored, etc etc.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:21

As it's not my POV why would I fucking justify it?

Needanewname Why do you think all black people are thick?

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 17:33

You don't think that your daughters suffer, then, by the fact that society views their father with automatic distrust?

This thread is not a moan that men can't get a job wiping arses. It is a complaint that, because of the prevalent paranoid attitudes that make those arse-wiping jobs so darn hard to come by, every single male in society, including me and including each of your three sons, suffers; every child who is in contact with its father suffers; and, as a whole society, we are all the worse off.

And the "reason" for all this suffering, this lower quality of life and aspiration? Because of a shockingly poor use of statistical data, devoid of any context, to prop up a media-driven frenzy, when everyone's common sense tells them that, actually, paedophilia is comparatively rare and that, within that context, paedophilia by non-family members and that, within THAT context, paedophilia by trained, vetted and checked professionals is rarest of all!

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:41

Same shit really isn't it? Women are assumed to be the caregiver and so they get overlooked in nearly every field. do you fight so hard for those women...where there is not EVEN the most tenuous statistic to attribute?

Have I said that I think this prejudice is right or not damaging?

The solution comes from feminism. If women are seen as equal, then it follows that men are.

Primalscream · 10/06/2011 17:44

Needanewname; most boys will grow into normal law abiding citizens, but a small minority will become child sex abusers and will one day be working in a school or nursery. You're burying your head in the sand over this issue I'm afraid.
I know that's not the answer you're looking for but I haven't got the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
Some things are just 'not right' and a man taking a 3 year old girl to the toilet alone is one of them. (I personally wouldn't use a nursery full stop) Not a lot more to say here so I'll leave you to it.

OTheHugeManatee · 10/06/2011 17:45

That's exactly it Crapola - an exaggerated fear of men's capacity to abuse small children perpetuates the assumption that caregivers should be women. And that in turn means women are more likely to get overlooked in other fields.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:50

OT...I think it's the other way round tbh. The way we undervalue childcare means people wonder why a man would want to do it.

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 17:51

"Some things are just 'not right' and a man taking a 3 year old girl to the toilet alone is one of them."

So it's "not right" that I take my own daughter to the toilet alone?

You foul woman.

BooyHoo · 10/06/2011 17:52

primal you are being ridiculous. there is nothing wrong with a man taking a 3 year old girl alone to the toilet. nothing at all.

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 17:54

"The solution comes from feminism. If women are seen as equal, then it follows that men are."

You call the tosh you have been spouting since yesterday "feminism"?

Not what I understand by feminism.

Mind you, what do I know about feminism? I'm too busy oppressing women and preying on 3 year olds.

Primalscream · 10/06/2011 17:56

Booyhoo - I'm talking about nurseries not a childs father.

(( gives up ))

BooyHoo · 10/06/2011 17:57

there is still nothing wrong with that primal. it is their job.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 17:57

MIFLAW...

Did I say my posts were feminist?

Are you joining in on the 'if I accuse someone of something they haven't said I'll believe it?' game.

My go:

MIFLAW: Why do you think all teachers are wankers?

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 18:01

"The solution comes from feminism. If women are seen as equal, then it follows that men are."

would imply to me that you are feminist and believe feminism to be a solution.

FFS.

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 18:02

"Booyhoo - I'm talking about nurseries not a childs father."

so it is not wrong for me to take my own child but it is immediately wrong if I take someone else's child.

That is MENTAL!

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 18:08

I am a feminist, doesn't mean that all my opinions are from feminist theory does it? Which is what you've implied.

miflaw "You call the tosh you have been spouting since yesterday "feminism"?"

No, I haven't and I didn't.

FFS

heyhoplaydough · 10/06/2011 18:19

Only a big scary man could look back on his life and answer your question with any real knowledge or experience.

MIFLAW · 10/06/2011 18:24

So your feminism is something you can switch off and on like a tap, is it?

If you're a feminist, I'm Lord Lucan.

now please be quiet because grown ups are talking.

CrapolaDeVille · 10/06/2011 18:34

MIFLAW....What are you talking about?

When Martin Luther King ordered chicken was that him as an anti racism activist?