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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a present for DCs on siblings' birthdays?

91 replies

IWantAnotherBaby · 09/06/2011 11:42

This kind of follows from another thread on here about a child who was going to get the day off school for her brother's birthday and had 'a few' presents of her own to open. So I was wondering what people think of the general principle of buying gifts for a child on its siblings' birthdays? I have, so far, bought the non-birthday child a little thing (or 2...) - but when do you stop that? My DS will be 8 soon, and DD (3) has been told by him that she'll get presents as well (she's too little to remember herself that she got 2 small things last year). I was planning to have a little thing wrapped in advance but only bring it out if she really couldn't cope. Not sure how best to handle it really...

OP posts:

coccyx · 09/06/2011 11:43

Its nonsense. Never have and never will. my children have survived!

strandedbear · 09/06/2011 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crumpet · 09/06/2011 11:44

Yup, no presents here either.

Irksome · 09/06/2011 11:45

I do, cos it's a sort of mad family tradition - mine are now too old to be jealous of the other's birthday, and old enough properly to be pleased for the birthday child.

But it's just one of those quirks that you can have in a family, isn't it? I hear tell some mad people let their children open one present on Christmas Eve, though - and that's bonkers

itisnearlysummer · 09/06/2011 11:46

My parents did it for us and it didn't ruin us.

We don't do it for ours and it's never been a problem.

MorningPurples · 09/06/2011 11:46

surely the birthday child gets a present, which makes the day special/about them? If the sibling gets a present too, it's not so special.

DiscoDaisy · 09/06/2011 11:46

Have 5 children and have only ever bought presents for the birthday child.
They all get a turn at being the birthday child throughout the year so nobody misses out and everybody has a turn at being the "special" child for the day.
(obviously they are all special to me each and every day.)

Reality · 09/06/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itisnearlysummer · 09/06/2011 11:47

But surely if you have a present to open on christmas eve, that means Father Christmas didn't bring it???!!!! Is that even allowed?!

fuzzpigFriday · 09/06/2011 11:48

Yabu

Flippingebay · 09/06/2011 11:48

I wouldn't ever do it as I think it ensures that the sibling knows and understands that sometimes they can't have all the attention and on occasions they need to put others first. That said I don't think it's the end of the world if you do. Far worse things happen at sea 'as they say' whoever 'they' are.

coccyx · 09/06/2011 11:49

outrageous suggestion that chrimbo present would be there before father christmas had visited.

amidaiwish · 09/06/2011 11:50

there is 18mths between my 2 DDs and i used to buy the other a little present on the other's birthday, just so they didn't go mad. i stopped that when the youngest was 4 though, just through toddler-hood.

i have always been allowed to open one present on christmas eve and now do the same with my kids too. father christmas brings separate presents which don't appear until christmas morning in the santa sack, not the ones all wrapped under the tree.

Becaroooo · 09/06/2011 11:51

I dont do it, but my PIL, SIL and parents do and it drives me MAD.

Irksome · 09/06/2011 11:51

Father Christmas brings stocking presents, not tree presents, as any fool knows

IslaValargeone · 09/06/2011 11:52

No I wouldn't do it, I think every child deserves to have their own special day.

barbie007 · 09/06/2011 11:52

the birthday child gets big presents and I always buy the other two something little. They're only young for such a small time, it's not going to bankrupt me to spend a few pounds on something

LetThereBeRock · 09/06/2011 11:52

It's a ridiculous idea. I don't understand it at all,and think it sets a bad example.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 09/06/2011 11:54

My kids used to get really jealous of each others birthdays but, that's life eh? I never got them presents because it's somebody elses birthday and had to reinforce it somewhat. Maybe I'm lucky in that their birthdays are all within 6 weeks of each other.

The only time I get a sibling a present is on the birth of a new baby brother or sister.

2rebecca · 09/06/2011 11:54

I'd never heard of this until I came on mumsnet. No-one in my extended family or any of my friends give presents to anyone other than the person whose birthday it is, adult or child. Children have to learn to celebrate other people's special days, not make everything all about them.
I involved the nonbirthday child in helping choose card and present and helping make cake. Presents were just for the birthday child.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 09/06/2011 11:55

ridiculous, a birthday is a special day for that person, not for everyone in the blimmin family - otherwise its not special is it

just another daft thing like spending more and more and more on presents for teachers at the end of each term when all you really need is a small box of chocs or bunch of flowers

LadyThumb · 09/06/2011 12:00

When do you stop doing it, you ask? You don't start! If you are going to buy siblings presents why not just pick any old day in the year and give them all presents on that day?

LadyWord · 09/06/2011 12:01

I do this, but it's just one very small present. So the birthday child is opening several large wrapped things, and other just gets one v. small lego pack, 2.99 tub of slime or similar. It is to keep the other sibling occupied and happy, but it doesn't detract from the other's special day!

I was going to do it anyway, but after DD was born, the first birthday DS had with a little sister (his 5th), he actually told me I should get her something so she wouldn't be jealous (she was 3 months :o). He helped me choose her a rattle.

I think it's nice! But agree different people's present traditions can seem bizarre to others. I knew one family growing up who weren't allowed to open all their presents on xmas day, they had to save some for boxing day - which shocked me to the core at the time (actually quite sensible I now see, as a parent...)

GreenToes · 09/06/2011 12:02

Surely the whole point of a birthday is that it's all about the birthday person. Everyone gets their own special day.

My parents never gave me anything on my sister's birthday. I knew it was her special day, just like I had my own day. I used to love making her a card and a "present" (usually something I'd made or found in the toy cupboard and wrapped up!). Birthdays can be a valuable opportunity for children to learn to be happy for their sibling, rather than just being happy because they got a gift themselves.

If you want to do it then it's your choice, it will probably make no difference when they're older! :)

LadyWord · 09/06/2011 12:03

Oh and btw I hate present "inflation" and excessive present-giving. It's not about that, it's about making the sibling feel included and giving them something to do.

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