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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a present for DCs on siblings' birthdays?

91 replies

IWantAnotherBaby · 09/06/2011 11:42

This kind of follows from another thread on here about a child who was going to get the day off school for her brother's birthday and had 'a few' presents of her own to open. So I was wondering what people think of the general principle of buying gifts for a child on its siblings' birthdays? I have, so far, bought the non-birthday child a little thing (or 2...) - but when do you stop that? My DS will be 8 soon, and DD (3) has been told by him that she'll get presents as well (she's too little to remember herself that she got 2 small things last year). I was planning to have a little thing wrapped in advance but only bring it out if she really couldn't cope. Not sure how best to handle it really...

OP posts:
BimboNo5 · 09/06/2011 12:04

Nope dont do it, my kids birthdays are only a few weeks apart anyway so they dont have long to wait til they have presents/have already had theirs. They are quite good though and help each other open their presents on their birthdays which to them is more fun than the actual presents!

Dozer · 09/06/2011 12:05

As kids WE always got a little present on siblings's birthdays, just sweets or something, was quite nice and didn't detract from celebrating the birthday.

Lovecat · 09/06/2011 12:10

DD is an only, but even if she weren't, we wouldn't do it. A birthday is special to the birthday child, no-one else should get a look in.

Having said that, I know a friend had 2 children very close together (within a year) and when her elder child was 3, she did get something for the younger child to open because at that age they don't really 'get' that it's not for them and it kept her busy while her sibling was unwrapping. Soon as the youngest was old enough to understand the concept of birthdays it stopped, though.

Original poster
IWantAnotherBaby · 09/06/2011 12:11

Yes I was beginning to think I was being a bit OTT. Thing is, DD's birthday is just before Christmas, so DS (who is anyway now old enough not to be bothered) gets presents and fuss etc soon afterwards anyway. But she has to wait almost a whole year because of having a December birthday... Oh I'm just being a wuss, aren't I? Fair enough, I'll stop buying sibling presents (well after this birthday anyhow).

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 09/06/2011 12:15

I've been wondering about this, DNephew has a birthday coming up and will get hundreds of presents, it's going to be hard on 3yo DS I think (he's got a Christmas birthday, so his isn't for ages) and I think the easy thing would be to get him a small present so he doesn't feel too left out, but can't help but thinking I'm setting a bad example Confused

Mind you, my Mum's talking about getting him a bike, so maybe I don't need to worry after all Wink

JarethTheGoblinKing · 09/06/2011 12:16

ah, x posts with you IWAB

OddBoots · 09/06/2011 12:19

Dh and I don't do it but my parents do for our children. There were times when they were little when they would get jealous but now they are bigger (11 and 8) they get very excited about the giving part.

Even at other times of the year I have explained to them that they may not both get something at the same time but they get about the same over the course of a year. Sometimes one grows and needs new clothes/trainers but the other hasn't yet or one has a trip with cubs/scouts and the other hasn't and so on, they know that is part of life.

Whatever works for you is fine though.

chicletteeth · 09/06/2011 12:20

It's nonsense.
I've never heard of it before reading that last thread and now this one.

What happened to it being a special day for the birthday child?

Not as special if other people get presents is it.

Ridiculous quite frankly.

Anapit · 09/06/2011 12:27

it's a ridiculous idea

AnnieLobeseder · 09/06/2011 12:28

My parents gave us a small 'unbirthday' present on each other's birthdays, and I've carried on the tradition. I feel it mostly gives the non-birthday sibling something of their own to focus on, so they don't pester the birthday child about their presents quite to much, and birthday child can enjoy their presents without a jealous sibling trying to snatch them away!

Numberfour · 09/06/2011 12:29

My parents always did it for us: there were five of us.

It is lovely remembering that and I did not think it "a ridiculous idea" at the time, or even now. Each to their own.

karen2010 · 09/06/2011 12:29

My parents use to give us presents when it was our siblings birthday.
As we got older the birthday person bought presents for the other siblings.
Never did for mine as they were 6 week between their birthday.

mrsjuan · 09/06/2011 12:33

I really don't see why it's ridiculous. One small present for a sibling vs several exciting presents + party / cake etc. for the birthday child is hardly comparable. What's wrong with sharing a bit of a special day?

I think it's a nice thing to do - my parents did it for my sister and I and I shall probably do it for any future siblings of DD.

Fecklessdizzy · 09/06/2011 12:34

We dish out a single small not-yer-birthday present to whichever one isn't the focus of the main event ... Cuts down strops and whinging and general day-spoilery. It doesn't detract from the birthday childs pleasure and it cheers up the other one so better atmosphere all round, what's not to like?

SnowieBear · 09/06/2011 12:36

No, no, no, no... wrong! It's the same ethos of prizes for taking part, what are we teaching our kids?

chicletteeth · 09/06/2011 12:52

Exactly snowiebear

Everybody is a winner on sports (err, no they bloody aren't)

Everybody gets a prize in pass the parcel

Why why why?

And if I had to give a present to my kids so they didn't strop on their siblings birthday, well I would feel as though I'd done something quite wrong with child-rearing generally.

(p.s. not saying they might not want to play with birthday childs toys, but a strop over it wouldn't happen)

LouMacca · 09/06/2011 12:53

My DC get presents on each others birthdays - because they're twins! Grin Otherwise it wouldn't happen. I don't know of anyone who does this.

valiumredhead · 09/06/2011 12:55

My mum always got a little unbirthday present for me and my sister on each other's birthdays and she is far removed from an over indulgent mother. It was just a nice thing to do :)

JanMorrow · 09/06/2011 13:01

there was a girl at my infants school and her parents did this. Growing up we all thought they were a bit mental to be honest, very spoilt kids and consequently very annoying for the rest of us (sense of entitlement etc at school).

valiumredhead · 09/06/2011 13:11

It was never done to avoid us throwing a strop it was done more to include I think.

BigTuna · 09/06/2011 13:16

Absolute bollocks I think. My eldest two are 20 months apart and I never did this even though the youngest used to use any excuse for a tantrum. The sibling gets to share the day anyway and have cake, party, food or whatever? And surely the siblings would both end up playing with the presents anyway? If tantrums start then time out and distraction should work. If there's a big age gap maybe the eldest could let the younger one 'help' unwrap a gift or open the cards? Don't think the distraction should be a seperately wrapped present though.

fearnelinen · 09/06/2011 13:17

Nope, absolutely not. MIL always brings a present for the other children and it actually pisses me off. I want my children to experience the joy of giving and they are not going to get that if they are waiting for grandma to turn up with their gifts. I've put my foot down now and I put the 'extra' presents to one side - I give them when they've earnt them through our reward system. I know I sound like a proper hard biatch, but you don't get anything for nothing in our house!
Incidentally, her children are the most selfish adults I have ever met (that includes DH - I am attempting to beat it out of him Wink)

valiumredhead · 09/06/2011 13:21

Well I think it was a lovely thing, we weren't spoilt, and didn't have many things as we lived in a caravan a lot of the time we were small, it was my mum making it a special day for everyone. And we both LOVE giving people birthday presents now we are adults and birthdays are more special to us than Christmas.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/06/2011 13:22

As others have already said, we don't but Il's do, it makes me really cross.

They try so hard to be "equitable" but they both have 1 birthday each year and so over the course of 12 months it IS equitable!!!!!!!!!!

This last birthday, they bought DS1 some funky PJ's and a cheque for his bank
they then handed DS2 a gift which I said we should open later as it was DS!@S BIRTHDAY!! but they insisted he open it and it was matching PJ's and an identical cheque for his bank, so in my head, they didn't actually buy DS1 anything for his birthday

I have until September to remind them AGAIN that it isn't something that we approve of.

Sinkingfeeling · 09/06/2011 13:23

We've never done this, but two of my three dcs have their birthday on the same day, and the third one has hers two days later.