To ask what they want? (petty, I suspect)

[Irksome]

have a feeling I have been, now.

So, Thursdays are the only day of the week when we can all eat together at the same time, what with other stuff that goes on on other days. I asked them (dp and dds) if there was anything they fancied, and got at first flippant replies ('whatever makes you happy', which is a kind of running joke at ours) and then 'chili', which was last time vetoed by dd2 on the grounds that 'we always end up having chili on Thursdays'. However when I point this out, everyone says 'no, it's fine' in a not-massively-enthusiastic way. So I said, well actually it is a point, we do quite often have chili on Thursday, I'll have a think during the day of something else, don't worry about it.

Then when dp said goodbye to the girls he said to me in response to my attempts to not sound moody, 'well, I know you're cross with me but I will say goodbye to you' and off he goes - basically this means 'don't try to smooth that over and pretend we're not annoyed with one another, this mood is not over yet'. And I suddenly find myself properly furious.

I think it's because

1. I would have really liked it if my mum had ever asked what I fancied for tea, not regarded it as a big pain in the arse to have to think about it, as all my family do. They seem to think (especially dp) that I'm shifting responsibility onto them for what we have, and maybe I am. I dunno.
2. I think, really, what I wanted was some sort of affirmation that anyone might especially like anything I ever make, and have some kind of a yen to eat it
3. just mindlessly saying 'lets have the thing we have most weeks' isn't really showing any enthusiasm, is it?
4. I really really hate it when I make something and no-one really likes it, or it turns out one person never really liked it, or I've put something 'wrong' in it.
5. I'm being all self-pitying and hard-done-by and unreasonably upset/annoyed.

So do I make chili and pretend there wasn't this narkiness, or what, hmm?

nickel - no you weren't, I got so fed up with it I starte da whole threa dabout it..We must fight back.

it just seems to be an ongoing pattern at the moment.
every thread with a small problem on, you get "if that's the worst of your problems"

well, it doesn't have to be the worst of their problems to be aired on MN.
jsut like when you strike up a conversation with friends IRL, you don't expect them to go "that's not a problem this is a problem" or roll their eyes at you because you're not reporting that your dad's leg has been bitten off by a large horse.

It's making me feel quite sad. :(

I would have thought on a site as massive as this there would be room for both. I know I automatically discount a vast swathe of threads myself, I wouldn't expect to find them all interesting - that would be ridiculous.

There is room for both Irksome. MN is a bit weird at the minute - just shake it off.

shakes

What I did was come up with a list of meals, then I divided them into lists of 7 (had enough for 5 weeks of meals), then I wrote the shopping list of things I would need for each weeks meals. Then each week I go on line order what I need from the shopping list (obviously some things like herbs and spices I don't need every week) Then I just cook those meals for the week.

We have followed that list for 6 months, rotating the weeks. I am just about to redo it to add some more summery meals.

I had this problem and my friend suggested a 3-weekly menu (they have something similar locally for the school dinners). Sit everyone down and ask them to think of 2 or 3 meals they really like then draw up a dinner for every day for three weeks, then start again at week 1.

Eg
Week 1.

Mon - spag Bol, tues - chicken risotto, wed - fish pie, thurs - chilli(!), Fri - pizza

Week 2
Mon - liver, tues - tripe, wed - pickled pigs feet

Week 3
Mon - greggs sausage roll, tues - pom bears etc

That way you know what to buy each week and everyone knows what they are having and when and you should hopefully have things everyone likes, but you only have them once every three weeks.

I do it (I have to confess I have a laminated sheet ) but it really takes the stress out of planning and shopping, and you could even have one for winter and one for summer - replace stews with salads etc.

X posts with ranty! Great minds and all - at least I'm not the only one!!

I nearly wrote "I'm glad I'm not the only anal freak" but thought that would just lead to another bum sex discussion :o

Just because an OP posts about a relatively minor issue doesn't mean that it's the only/worst thing that is happening in their lives. It simply means that that's the one that is bugging them most at that time.

I like to see threads with more minor issues on them. It would be depressing to read only about 'big' problems.

I like the idea of this menu planning, I've just got to get motivated to use it

Btw nickel well said :-)

I feel for you OP but my DP does the bulk of the cooking in our house and is always asking me what to make. When I suggest something it's either a massive inconvenience for him to make it or he just vetoes it because it's not something he fancies. I'm really not fussy, I'm happy to just have what he wants since he's the one with the opinion on everything and he will have to actually cook it - but no, we have to go through the whole charade almost every day. It infuriates me.

But I totally understand that you want to make something that will be appreciated and enjoyed.

I have gone one step further Each meal I make lasts two days so I only have to think of something every other day. Bit of a bum if it's something they're not that keen on, but hey ho, my cooking, my rules.

Some people on this thread make me want to hang my head and cry. I say: 'pizza tonight or Chinese'? And everyone is happy. x

I meal plan too. I love it. Sunday nights, I sit down with a huge glass of wine cup of peppermint tea and plan for the week. Less waste.

And yes, sometimes we do have beans on toast. Actually, I love 'breakfast for tea' and we often have beans and eggs and mushrooms and stuff. For a little while we also had a 'pudding for dinner' night every week. bread and butter pudding and peaches and cream sometimes. Yum. And no harm done IMO.

And those people who are being nasty for no good reason and just for the sake of it.... you are right, you do have a bigger problem.

If the kids are old enough I'd say that from now on we'll take turns cooking the Thursday dinner - whoever's cooking gets to pick that week (and help any younger children with whatever they pick if they need it).

I'd even say that I'll shop for them, but they need to have told me/shown me the recipe by Tuesday night or they'll have to improvise with what's in already or get their own stuff :)

You see I have TRIED the meal plan thing, but my family are so sodding fussy it is hard to think of 7 different meals they will all eat. Drives me completely insane (especially since the really fussy ones are my eldest son, who is autistic and has "ishoos" with certain foodstuffs - particularly meat - and my husband who is a fussy git who won't east cheese. And of course youngest son has a typical 6 year old's mistrust for anything which might be a vegetable...)

Oh, and daughter won't eat tomatoes.

And I add my own brand of stubbornness to the mix by refusing to eat chicken in breadcrumbs (otherwise I would be forced to eat it on a near daily basis and I just couldn't face that).

I've been reading this thread and itching to post my great idea about planning a week's menu and making an online order .

I do think it can make a difference, especially when the DCs are young, if each family member gets to choose one or two meals a week (apart from my 16yo DS, whose contribution is, unfailingly, 'steak and chips.' I've made the mistake of bringing up bloody gourmets who know how bloody or not they like their steak, and I cba with five different degrees of cooked).

I don't need to do this often any more, as they trust me now (only one duff meal every few weeks), plus they know to be grateful for the effort I've made.

It is a tiresome thing to contemplate each week, but much less tiresome than 'what shall we have for tea?' every night.

Ocado have some good recipes - I just print them off as I make the order than leave them by the cooker ready to use each evening.

Nickelbabe - I used to have a friend who did think that all her problems were greater than my problems, and made this clear whenever I wanted a moan.

For me, mumsnet's like having a really great bunch of friends - you can have very deep discussions on all sorts of things, tell jokes, ask questions, and have a rant or a moan whenever you need to.

I started an AIBU thread asking why there are never any pens around when I need them despite the number I've bought over the years. I wonder if anyone has been on to tell me that's not one of lifes really major problems!

I know someone like that.
i never got a chance to moan about things, cos she never stopped moaning talking.

do start your pen thread.
I will back you up.

I have done, nickelbabe - it's here - and no-one's been on to say how petty I'm being - in fact, we have a support thread too!

there's a danger you've strayed into "a thread about a thread abotu a thread" territory!

I have posted.

make a curry or something you really want.

There is, nickelbabe.