To ask what they want? (petty, I suspect)

[Irksome]

have a feeling I have been, now.

So, Thursdays are the only day of the week when we can all eat together at the same time, what with other stuff that goes on on other days. I asked them (dp and dds) if there was anything they fancied, and got at first flippant replies ('whatever makes you happy', which is a kind of running joke at ours) and then 'chili', which was last time vetoed by dd2 on the grounds that 'we always end up having chili on Thursdays'. However when I point this out, everyone says 'no, it's fine' in a not-massively-enthusiastic way. So I said, well actually it is a point, we do quite often have chili on Thursday, I'll have a think during the day of something else, don't worry about it.

Then when dp said goodbye to the girls he said to me in response to my attempts to not sound moody, 'well, I know you're cross with me but I will say goodbye to you' and off he goes - basically this means 'don't try to smooth that over and pretend we're not annoyed with one another, this mood is not over yet'. And I suddenly find myself properly furious.

I think it's because

1. I would have really liked it if my mum had ever asked what I fancied for tea, not regarded it as a big pain in the arse to have to think about it, as all my family do. They seem to think (especially dp) that I'm shifting responsibility onto them for what we have, and maybe I am. I dunno.
2. I think, really, what I wanted was some sort of affirmation that anyone might especially like anything I ever make, and have some kind of a yen to eat it
3. just mindlessly saying 'lets have the thing we have most weeks' isn't really showing any enthusiasm, is it?
4. I really really hate it when I make something and no-one really likes it, or it turns out one person never really liked it, or I've put something 'wrong' in it.
5. I'm being all self-pitying and hard-done-by and unreasonably upset/annoyed.

So do I make chili and pretend there wasn't this narkiness, or what, hmm?

Seems unnecessarily unpleasant, Bimbo!

Well blimey o'riley, what a dilema

Well quite, but as I say, I defy anyone never to have had an argument about something ostensibly small-scale, and as far as I am aware, AIBU doesn't only have to be controversial or large-scale. I thought it could just be for when you are genuinely unsure whether you've been unreasonable or not.

Just stop asking. Cook whatever you want. Including potato wedges, risotto - etc. When they question, smile brightly and say 'Well, you all hate it so when I make trouble for you by asking you what I can go out of my way to cook you for dinner- so I thought I just wouldn't ask any more. You don't like wedges? Oh dear, well that's what I was going to do next Thursday too, so it would be better if you took over that day - then you can arrange to have something you like.

When I was growing up we were expected to put up with things we didn't like every now and again. It was too limiting to take into account all the various likes and dislikes all the time. I don't think potato wedges and risotto should be completely off the menu if only one person dislikes them and the others do like them.

Mind you, my father the African Patriarch (TM) was quite capable of getting my mother (yes, that was how it worked) to serve something up every day until we cracked and ate it.

I would avoid the face to face conversation, at least for a while. Why not have a suggestions list pinned up somewhere for the rest of the family to write on? No suggestions = no influence over the menu. That way, the rest of the family have to bother to think about it, not just take for granted the fact that you will make all the physical and mental effort.

Fuck me there are some nasty bastards around atm.

Tomhardy

a) don't read it then
b) what is the point in posting your nastiness, did you get a little frisson as it came out?

Irksome, in our house we have a rule that works: if I have cooked and put it on the table, everyone sits down with a big smile and says mmm thank you, this is delicious, even if they hate it.

Mine have learned to say thankyou for food too hully. They are quite good at it now. Must be all the beating. DD particularly lets out little random "thanks mum"s all the time - I think they are just in case she's forgotten she's eaten something at some time....

Quite right, Orm. Quite right.

I think tomhardy's post is much more indicative of MN's current decline than the OP, personally.

Irksome - oh god, yes. This is SO what happens about meals in my house.

I find it so hard think of meals that everyone in the family will eat and which we don't have all the time. And pretty much every meal which everyone will eat is considered "dull" by my husband (probably because we end up having the same few meals all the timer). It drives me mad. I really need someone to come and menu plan for my family for me, to try to find some other things that people will bl**dy well eat.

I find that annoying too - lack of inspiration and input when trying to plan meals. I dont think YABU.

I would much rather read this GENUINE but fairly minor post than the 'oooh look at me' controversial troll posts that keep sprouting up. OP has already said this is not a huge ishoo just a minor Thursday irritation. So do be a couple of dearies and get back in your boxes Bimbo and Tom

I never ask them. Ever. Wouldn't think of it.

It would make me sound so subservient....

take it or leave it. And better say you liked it.

if not, next day is cheese and bread and an apple.

There's no point in me asking, they always say pizza. No one ever opts for the medley of 85 vegetables I serve up daily. Strange.

some nasty responses, the op admits its petty,does everyone have to wait for something major to happen before posting?

right, all of you nasties - stop it.
just stop it

I am fed up to the back teeth of people ruining little threads like this by putting
"omg OP get a life"
or
"if that's your biggest problem you're lucky"

I don't want to spend all my time on MN reading page after page of horrible problems or serious problems.
I want to read problems that I can relate to or help with.

The OP is allowed to feel upset about anything she feels upset about - it's her brain, not yours
She's also entitled to ask for advice about small minute probelsm too, because that's what's troubling her

now all of you being horrible, fuck the fuck off and when you get there, fuck off somemore.

Go Nickel!

We must all stand and fight the nasties. Love is the way.

OP - when I can't decided what to make for tea, I like to make homemade pizza.
agree with whoever it was that said everyone make their own on their own base.

also, your DP was being quite rude to you this morning, and I can't believe he had a go at you (in his behaviour - very passive-agressive,and I wouldn't put up wit hthat again!) jsut because you tried to involve the family ina family thing.
tell him to fucking grow up.

I also agree with the idea of getting Good Food and inviting the family to look through and choose something they like the look of.
Each week, someone else could choose, and everyone have to eat that choice.

Oakmaiden, if your husband finds your cooking 'dull' bloody well suggest he does it for a while and sees how exciting he can be when juggling it with all his other responsibilities like you do!

God I hate fussiness and pandering about food. Eat what you're given and be grateful for it, is my motto.

Well I guess it's lucky I missed some posts there....
God this can be a tough place to be!

(Hully
I was too much on a rant, that I couldnt' think of a better word for the cunting bitches )

And thank you, nickel, and hully and orm and everyone else who's been nice!