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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP left me last night

91 replies

Flojo1979 · 08/06/2011 13:24

Well I'm numb and shocked and totally totally lost, DD(2) is in nursery, DS(6) is at school and i'm wondering round the house unable to concentrate on anything. Bouncing between strong resolve that if he came crawling back tonight I'd tell him where to go and tearful tantrums of how much i ache for him.
No blazing row, no infidelity. He just expressed he was unhappy and wanted to move out. Referring to occassions like last sunday when i asked him to hoover (bearing in mind that he hadnt lifted a finger all wk cos he works fulltime and i only work part time). On reflection i did ask him to contribute to the household finances, as he works fulltime and i work part time and i pay all the bills as he has a house elsewhere that he moved out of to live with me and refuses to sell as its his house, and stated he couldnt contribute as he pay more petrol to commute to work (now further living with me) and has his own bills. I said i didnt expect a 50% contribution merely a small amount to help out since he isnt short. when it comes to downing a bottle of wine or vodka, 4 times a wk then the money is there. Anyways he left, last night. Packed his bags and went back to his house. And i'm lonely and sad and bereft and angry and tearful and lost. And dont know what to do, pls help :(

OP posts:

Eglu · 08/06/2011 13:26

I'm sorry that you are so sad and upset, but tbh he sounds like a complete arse. Why does he not contribute equally at least to household finances?

woopsidaisy · 08/06/2011 13:27

Flojo1979,I am so sorry. I know lots of others will post with lots of helpful advice,but wanted to let you know that someone is here.
He sounds a bit of a selfish arse TBH. Are the kids his?

woopsidaisy · 08/06/2011 13:28

Wonder if you should post this in relationships instead? Always lots of support and help there.
x

squeakytoy · 08/06/2011 13:29

Sorry, you are upset, but reading your post, I think you have probably had a lucky escape from him. He doesnt sound like he is too much of a catch.

Purplebuns · 08/06/2011 13:29

You poor thing! He sounds like an arse though... He shouldn't definitely have been contributing to your home that HE was living in!

I don't really have anything really constructive to say. It is very natural that you feel this way, drink lots of tea and be kind to yourself.
You may not realise this right now but I really feel he has done you a favour, especially if he is drinking like that, never mind the rest!

TotemPole · 08/06/2011 13:29

Sounds like you're better off without him and he hadn't totally bought into the relationship.

Surely if he wasn't there you'd get a tax credit top up and be able to manage, but don't get that when his wage is taken into account?

cannydoit · 08/06/2011 13:29

tbh it sounds like you are better off as he wouldn't help you out with house work or money even though he lived with you. he doesnt sound very nice at all. have you got any friends you can call and get round you need someone with you. he obviously wasn't committed to you, though this obviously isnt going to make you feel better, he sounds like a total wanker and you deserve better.

Bluemoonrising · 08/06/2011 13:29

He should be paying his share of the bills without question. If he isn't willing to do that then tbh, you are better off not living together.

It might be that you can forge a relationship in separate houses, but if you do consider moving in together again, you need to discuss the details carefully in advance to ensure you are both happy with how things will be re sharing housework and bills.

Balsam · 08/06/2011 13:30

He left you because you asked him to hoover?! You may feel shit now and you have my sympathies but in a few years you'll look back on this and think what a twat he was.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 08/06/2011 13:30

No, my DCs r from previous relationship, which makes me feel even more let down as he knows i've been walked out on b4 and i trusted him to look after us.

OP posts:

QueenofDreams · 08/06/2011 13:30

He sounds awful. Not wanting to contribute financially? Throwing a strop over being asked to hoover? Give yourself time, indulge yourself a bit, and before long you'll wonder why you wanted the man child back!

BlueCat2010 · 08/06/2011 13:31

Is there anything practical you need to do - sort out joint bank accounts and so on? That may be worth doing while you've got the 'itch' to do 'something'.

Apart from that keep yourself busy, give your kids a love, and have a long hot soak!

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 08/06/2011 13:31

He is, or was, a cocklodger.

woopsidaisy · 08/06/2011 13:31

So,when you work "part time" I take it you are sitting around quaffing cosmopolitans when not at work?
Or are you doing all the housework and childcare too?
Doesn't sound like an equal relationship at all if so.
You may be well rid.

quiddity · 08/06/2011 13:32

He was unhappy because you asked him to pull his weight? Were you paying for all that alcohol too? So sorry you are feeling so down, but you'll be better off without him, financially and emotionally.

IslaValargeone · 08/06/2011 13:32

I'm truly sorry that you are hurting, but he sounds like a tit, and you desrve better than that. Have you got someone you can have tea and chocolate with to lift your spirits a bit?

fedupofnamechanging · 08/06/2011 13:32

Flojo, I'm really sorry that you are unhappy but I think you are well shot of him. He wasn't a true partner to you, he was just some bloke in your house getting an easy life. At the prospect of having to actually be a proper partner, he soon showed you his true colours.

Hope you got his keys back. If not, change the locks.

MadamMemoo · 08/06/2011 13:35

How long have you been together?

QuintessentialOldMoo · 08/06/2011 13:36

Flojo, you have had a very lucky escape. This man wont "look after you", only himself. He wont pay his way in your house, he wont hoover, he is a cocklodger!
Dont allow him back in, when he realizes he has to hoover his own house, or it wont get done....

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 08/06/2011 13:36

is this a wind up

why would you let a lodger like this take advantage of you, without being willing to shoulder his part of the load

you should be shouting from the rooftops that you have at long last gotten rid of this parasite

still think its a wind up though

MadamMemoo · 08/06/2011 13:37

Just thinking if you have a 2yo from a previous relationship you can't have been with this bloke that long??

OTheHugeManatee · 08/06/2011 13:38

What eglu said. Sorry you've had a shock, but this man sounds like a total, utter arse. Living with you, not contributing to the house, walking out because you asked him to hoover? You're better off without, IMO.

TotemPole · 08/06/2011 13:38

Flojo, he wasn't looking after you at all. He wasn't contributing financially or practically, so he is no loss.

Take a bit of time being single and enjoy it.

LostInTransmogrification · 08/06/2011 13:40

I've seen some of your previous threads and I think you have had a lucky escape. Does he still have a set of house keys? If he does I would change the locks, delete his phone number and unfriend him on Facebook. And read all your old threads so you realise what a using dick he is.

bupcakesandcunting · 08/06/2011 13:41

You will look back on this in a few years and thank God that you had a lucky escape. He sounds a wanker.

Sorry, probably not helpful. Hope you are OK though.

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