DP left me last night

[Flojo1979]

Well I'm numb and shocked and totally totally lost, DD(2) is in nursery, DS(6) is at school and i'm wondering round the house unable to concentrate on anything. Bouncing between strong resolve that if he came crawling back tonight I'd tell him where to go and tearful tantrums of how much i ache for him.
No blazing row, no infidelity. He just expressed he was unhappy and wanted to move out. Referring to occassions like last sunday when i asked him to hoover (bearing in mind that he hadnt lifted a finger all wk cos he works fulltime and i only work part time). On reflection i did ask him to contribute to the household finances, as he works fulltime and i work part time and i pay all the bills as he has a house elsewhere that he moved out of to live with me and refuses to sell as its his house, and stated he couldnt contribute as he pay more petrol to commute to work (now further living with me) and has his own bills. I said i didnt expect a 50% contribution merely a small amount to help out since he isnt short. when it comes to downing a bottle of wine or vodka, 4 times a wk then the money is there. Anyways he left, last night. Packed his bags and went back to his house. And i'm lonely and sad and bereft and angry and tearful and lost. And dont know what to do, pls help :(

Post deleted, as i began by saying he wasnt that bad and justifying his behaviour when as i'm typing flood of negative behaviours start seeping thro. You're right, he is a selfish so n so but i aint the easiest person to live with, i often get strops and moan about stuff.

Flojo, most people get strops and moan about stuff from time to time. It's not easy living with anyone, both partners have to be considerate and take the other into account. Getting a bit moany doesn't give your 'partner' permission to treat you like shit.

I see you bending over backwards here trying to put a positive spin on how he treats you, but as far as I can see all the effort is coming from you in this relationship and he is putting nothing in.

Take him back and you are giving him permission to walk all over you. Don't you think your DC deserve better than this man? Any man at all is honestly not better than none.

Flojo, it might be best to set blame to one side, neither yours nor his, but just to accept that THIS IS NOT A WORKING RELATIONSHIP and remove yourself from it. Pack his stuff up ready for him to take to his own house when he does finish work. I presume there isn't that much stuff, just personal effects?

Seriously, put his stuff in bags and move on.

Not phrased that last sentence at all well, but you get what I mean

FloJo, You are right in recognising that your self esteem is low atm - low self esteem is not your fault, so don't feel even more bad about yourself because you have low self esteem atm

However, don't look to this man to help you raise your self esteem, and think that if only he would come back you would feel better. A partner who would raise your self esteem is one who would contribute equally to all aspects of the household, make you feel special, cherished and proud of yourself, one who would sit down and talk about how he could work in partnership to help you get back to work (if that is what you want / need).

Sadly, so many women stay in relationships because they think it's better than being alone, only f the situation to spiral downwards as that relationship actually makes them feel worse and therefore robs them of the confidence that they could do better!

flojo, I am so sorry that you are hurting - fwiw I think the other posters are right in that yes, you could do better, and yes, you do deserve better. doesn't stop it hurting though. look after yourself and cuddle your dcs lots.

Jeez, this thread certainly moved on while I was composing my earlier humble offering!

I had no idea of your previous history from which it's obvious that you need to give yourself a well-deserved kick up the bum and get your act together for the sake of yourself, your dcs, and any future relationship you may have.

Your mantra is 'I am a gorgeous capable confident woman with 2 wonderful dcs that any real man will be lucky to have in his life'.

Every time you catch sight of yourself in a mirror, say 'I'm gorgeous' - and give yourself a . Change all the negatives into positives; no more 'I can't' - from now on it's 'I can' and 'I will'

Forget all the seemingly happy families/couples around you as their lives will rarely be as perfect as they may look from the outside. Use your energies and talents to create the best possible life you can for your dcs because their needs should be your paramount concern.

No matter what circumstance has led you to adopt the role of a subservient doormat, deep inside yourself is a suppressed spirit that is longing to rise up and bubble over with optimism at all the joys that a life well-lived can offer.

Before you go looking for another male to stick a plaster on your real or imagined emotional wounds get back in contact with yourself, listen to what the real you is saying, and strive to get yourself into a place where no dressings are needed.

You can do it

Looking for another man? nooo this is it for me, never ever again.

Well its now 5pm, and hes not come home (usually home bout half an hr ago).

He has gone home. Back to his home, which in his mind he never really left.

Sorry you're so miserable, but this doesn't sound like it was a functioning relationship that made you happy at all, so you'll be better off without it even if it feels pretty wretched at the moment.

Just read the OP, you are well shot of him!!

I think OTheHuge is probably right. In a few days you feel much better when you are not carrying this man - and this relationship - on your own any more. He may well have good points (though struggling to see them at the moment) but the relationship wasn't a good relationship.

Much better to focus on your good points and be nice to yourself for a while.

ps. And its not surprising you moaned while you were with him. Any reasonable person would.

Flojo, I would do what another poster suggested and put his stuff in black bags outside the door.

He's not a keeper. What you need to do right now is learn to love yourself and realise that you deserve better. And if better means being single and happy, rather than settling for a second-rate bloke so be it.

None of is is perfect but no matter how many strops you threw, you didn't deserve to be treated like that.

Selfish and self centered spring to mind

Flojo1979 , it is normal to feel upset when you break up, but listen to what he said. He is unhappy, and he never really wanted to move there to begin with.

A real man pays their way. They do not make ridiculous statements about the heat being on anyways. Only children have the luxury of being supported and not paying their way. You could have countered with if you were not there, he would have to have the heat ion anyways. He sounds really cheap and miserly, and like he did not contribute anything towards the relationship.
He'd make a horrible step father for your children with his selfish, lazy, cheap, disrespectful uncaring ways.
I think you are lucky he is gone!

Yes, I agree, put his stuff outside the door in bags, good idea.