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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dislike the culture of alcohol worship on MN?

320 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 07/06/2011 17:45

I know it's all lighthearted....but I find it icky. Not people saying ..have a Wine to cheer someone up so much...but all the "Just waiting till' wine o clock statements get to me.
I think it's because a close relative is an acoholic and I have seen the damage.

Alcohol is such a damaging thing...and I'm genuinely surprised (and yes...judgey) about how many parents seem to rely on it every night.

OP posts:
mistyhaze · 08/07/2011 00:26

I am completely new to mumsnet, this is my first message and I joined because I have been becoming more and more concerned about the promotion in the media of alcohol in our society and wanted to see what mums were thinking about the subject.

I'm a bit worried of the responses now as I see people are getting pretty snappy and may I say nasty even about the opinion of others, if different to their own, so I am ready to have my head bitten off.

I am a mum old enough to be a granny. I've done drinking, I've tried drugs, I've done all sorts and am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have life experience.

It is the 'bigging up' of alcohol by those on radio, tv, freshers week at uni etc. that really concerns me. Peer pressure to drink can be enormous. So many people seem to depend on alcohol for a good time or to feel good or to give them confidence. Alcohol can be addictive, damage health, increases anti social behaviour and violence and destroy families. It puzzles me that it is given so much air time when cigarettes and drugs are hounded, yes they cause damage to the individual but cause less damage to society as a whole.

What is worrying me is that the past few years drinking has become more and more the norm for parents to drink on a daily basis. I understand that it is nice to have a glass of wine after a hard day as it is instantly relaxing. As others have said though, a glass is often more than that and a glass can quite easily lead to a bottle.

A glass or a bottle, whatever it is, if your child needs you after you have had a drink, you are no longer your real self. Alcohol is a drug which affect how you act. Kids grow up thinking it's normal and the cycle continues, and although your drinking may be under control, will your child's?

I understand that everyone has their weaknesses and treats whether they be chocolate, crisps, bubble baths or whatever, but these don't result in drunken gangs of yobs roaming the streets, having to walk through urine and vomit on a Saturday morning early on the way to work, drunk drivers, destroyed livers, cancer of the mouth, lungs, stomach, windpipe etc, violence against partners and children or someone who happens to look at you the wrong way, violence against NHS staff and a waste of NHS resources.

Also needless deaths and injuries.....my son's best friend died after an evening drinking when he fell over and banged his head......my friends niece nearly died of hypothermia when she fell over and went to sleep drunk in sub zero temps.........a young man I know spent 2 weeks in hospital after stepping in to help a woman being attacked by her drunken partner in the street, he got beaten up instead. I've got loads more stories I won't bore you with.

I'm sure most of you know similar incidents and although maybe you are all responsible drinkers, is the fact that we are living in this sort of culture right and is it what you want for your kids?

Tortington · 08/07/2011 00:38

tbh i was always a bit shocked that it seemed the norm for middle class types to drink nightly - even if its 'only' a large glass of wine.

then is it better than the wc types like me who get wankered once every couple of weeks?

MarySueFTW · 08/07/2011 00:57

Human kind has been drinking for thousand of years. Personally only for a couple of decades. That's nothing!

debivamp · 08/07/2011 01:05

mistyhaze raised some excellent points - I used to drink ? mainly at the weekend. When I feel pregnant with my daughter I immediately stopped smoking and had to stop drinking as well as it made me sick. Since I have had my daughter (she is now 6) I have only drunk on 4 occasions and very happily drink soft drinks when I socialise. However, people do push the booze with comments like ?go on, you will enjoy yourself more?. Well I know I won?t. I have buried a mother who only drank in the evenings (vino or vodka where her poison). She was only 63??. And died of a stroke. My daughter has lost a wonderful grandmother to the evening drink. If medical opinion states that pregnant women should not drink as this will harm your child, why would you start drinking as soon as they were born? I have also lost my best friend to drink ? she also only drank in the evening. Doctors recommend that women should not drink more than 14 units a week. In one bottle of wine there are approx. 7.5 units so you have a bottle each night that is 49 units ? and you say you don?t need it ? what a great example you are setting for your children. Strangely most of your comments would have been used by smokers in year gone bye!!!!!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 08/07/2011 01:10

A few hundred years ago everyone drank, all the time: mead and ale. Because the water wasn't safe.
Oddly enough, the human race did not actually die out.
I socialise with both drinkers and non-drinkers, most of whom are perfectly capable of leaving each other alone on the issue. Those of you teetotallers who find yourselves getting harassed to consume alcohol: are you sure that this isn't because you've been whining on about the eeeeevils of Drink Culture all night and your companions reckon that a couple of gins will make you STFU or at least start talking about Chorlton & The Wheelies/back sack and crack waxing/ whether or not budgerigars can fart along with everyone else.

Empusa · 08/07/2011 01:15

"tbh i was always a bit shocked that it seemed the norm for middle class types to drink nightly - even if its 'only' a large glass of wine."

I've never understood this.

I am also uncomfortable with the reactions people have to others not drinking. I've never understood why anyone cares if someone doesn't drink.

For me personally, I do drink (when I fancy it) so I'm utterly bemused when people treat me like my not drinking on some occasions is a big deal.

But then I didn't drink till I was about 20. Never felt like it, and was always having to argue with people. I even had people buy me drinks and then get offended when I wouldn't drink them!

Empusa · 08/07/2011 01:17

"Those of you teetotallers who find yourselves getting harassed to consume alcohol: are you sure that this isn't because you've been whining on about the eeeeevils of Drink Culture all night"

In my case I do drink, just not all that often. So I can safely say I do not talk about evil drink culture. And yet I still get hassled. It's very weird.

spiderslegs · 08/07/2011 01:26

& why, WHY should any of us care?

I really am bemused why anyone should be that interested in the drinking habits of the middle classes.............

Why?

I'm not interested in your non-drinking habits.

debivamp · 08/07/2011 01:31

?Are you sure that this isn't because you've been whining on about the eeeeevils of Drink Culture all night? actually NO!!!!! Once I say no at the start of the evening my friends never try to push it again. I also do not go on about the evils of drink ? but I could!!! I don?t have a problem with on occasion people have the occasional drink, I just get annoyed with people ?fooling? themselves into believing that they don?t have a problem or are not harming themselves when the drink a bottle or more of wine each night. I had many conversations with my mum on the issue ? she was totally in denial. All I am saying is that we should all be aware.

swallowedAfly · 08/07/2011 02:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

echt · 08/07/2011 02:50

I must be in another world; I've never encountered resistance to not having a drink from others.
Nor heard it said to others in my presence.
Nor heard of it being said to others in RL.

The same as I've never heard child-free folk described as selfish in RL..
Nor heard of it being said to others.

Only in the media, only in some MN lives.

spiderslegs · 08/07/2011 03:02

& like Echt.

hairfullofsnakes · 08/07/2011 05:12

I am not an alcohol person at all so mine is chocolate-o-clock! I haven't really seem this 'reliance' on alcohol that you talk about though? If people are polishing off a bottle a night that's not really healthy but a glass etc is no different to me enjoying my nightly chocolate treat?! Although I should have a break from the chocolate but it's my treat!

hairfullofsnakes · 08/07/2011 05:19

mistyhaze I know what you mean about the 'culture' of drinking and the 'bigging' up of it sometimes. I too get a bit hounded on nights out as a person who rarely drinks (I just don't like alcohol - but I like cake!)

On the nasty comments - welcome to mumsnet! You'll hey used to that after a while... And you haven't seen nothing yet! Wait till you get on a thread about something like breastfeeding for real fireworks! Grin

mathanxiety · 08/07/2011 05:41

MistyHaze, I think I agree with you about days of yore, but I think the difference between then and now is that women drink their glass (or two) of wine, not just men with a pint or two in the evening. I think it has always been 'ok' for men to relax with their alcohol of choice of an evening.

You are spot on about the ugly consequences of heavy drinking culture 'drunken gangs of yobs roaming the streets, having to walk through urine and vomit on a Saturday morning early on the way to work, drunk drivers, destroyed livers, cancer of the mouth, lungs, stomach, windpipe etc, violence against partners and children or someone who happens to look at you the wrong way, violence against NHS staff and a waste of NHS resources.'

fernier · 08/07/2011 08:02

I dont drink, I never have done not sure of a reason just never wanted to.
Things like people drinking each evening etc tbh i find odd just because to me its like saying wow i can't wait until 9pm so that I can crack open this can of fanta - just not something I would plan my day around lol. Other than that I dont care.

I care about people who go out with the sole intention of getting as drunk as possible, I have had friends who do this it's very anti social and can have effects on other people - not seen this talked about on mn though although have plenty in real life!

When I first meet people they normally do try and get me to drink but I have never felt overly pressured it's mostly just people demanding to know the reasons why I don't drink and normally going on to tell me drinking based stories which I smile and nod and think "how fun - not"

notevenamousie · 08/07/2011 11:39

I see on MN what I experienced in my own life.
Like the amazing jesuswhatnext I am an alcoholic. I have lost the power of control in drink.

7 years ago I had never had a single drink.
5 years ago I was pregnant.
4 years ago I was feeding and not interested in alcohol - though chocolate biscuits and the like got me thru a bad night with my newborn! Addicted - hell, yes! But it never caused me any harm, or anyone else, my non-sleeper remained that and I remained functioning.

Then I left her (emotionally abusive) father and did the working full time, no rests, she didn't see her father (his choice) so I cleaned, cooked, cared, worked, mum was ill and then before long mum was dying. Plenty of people go through this or other horrible times.
And somewhere, during that time, I crossed a line. The highly successful, professional single mum - "I don't know how you do it" from colleagues - became addicted to alcohol. Every night. A couple of glasses. A bottle. A bit in the day at the weekend.

Now? She's in foster care, I'm a wreck, though my job is being held open because there are still bits of me that work, and I am bloody good at my job, they are not interested in re-advertising, they said take all the time you need to get well, even in this financial environment. I've attempted suicide twice in the last 6 months although I've been sober more days than I've been drunk. I've damaged my family and friends. I am a few years down the line from some of you. It is that quick. That destructive.

If you can take or leave it, great.
I love the definition of wine o'clock as that time of day when life becomes yours. But, my God, if only I'd found a non-wine way of marking it!!!

I don't really have an opinion - your drinking is none of my business. One or two has been a foreign experience for a number of years, and I am glad you can, and do enjoy it! Of course people drink because the like the effect - I like the effect of cooking a meal for friends, so I do that as often as I can too, or taking chocolate cakes to work!
But I just wanted to say how easy that slippery slope is - I am not even 30 and may have lost my beautiful girl, my sparkling career, and my family and friends. If it can happen to me, maybe it could happen to you.

mathanxiety · 08/07/2011 18:21

That is a brave and very moving post Notevenamousie. I hope you will continue to regain control over your life and that you will have your DD back one day.

Did you ever get any help dealing with the trauma of that emotionally abusive relationship?

xxx

hairfullofsnakes · 08/07/2011 20:10

Oh mousie I am so so sorry to hear about what you have been through, I send you all the best and hope you find some resolution to your problems x

AitchGee · 09/07/2011 07:36

Funny how life is a succession of excuses.

I split up from my abusive wife and stopped drinking alcohol the very next day. Been a recovering alcoholic now for almost 5 years, not a single drop has passed my lips and yes, I blame her.

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