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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dislike the culture of alcohol worship on MN?

320 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 07/06/2011 17:45

I know it's all lighthearted....but I find it icky. Not people saying ..have a Wine to cheer someone up so much...but all the "Just waiting till' wine o clock statements get to me.
I think it's because a close relative is an acoholic and I have seen the damage.

Alcohol is such a damaging thing...and I'm genuinely surprised (and yes...judgey) about how many parents seem to rely on it every night.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 07/06/2011 23:08

I too find it amazing that people feel the need to drink every single day.

What happened to drinking whilst out? For a reason other than you felt like it, or you need it.

People drink far too much nowadays and far too regularly, and then they have the audacity to complain about smokers.

Oh, I don't drink, haven't for over a year. Before that was six months, so two drinks in 20 months.

Al0uiseG · 07/06/2011 23:18

Might be why you're such a pita Fabby Wink

brokencrayons · 07/06/2011 23:25

My aunt is a recovering alcoholic, She is the only person I know that would condone a person for having a drink.

Irishchic · 07/06/2011 23:30

OP - You find it "icky?"

YABU for using such chilldish terminology. Can't you at least come up with a real word to express your distaste?

Irishchic · 07/06/2011 23:31

childish not chilldish (ffs must be all that wine i've imbibed tonight!)

Maryz · 07/06/2011 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

venusandmars · 07/06/2011 23:38

I'm probably a bit late posting on here, since it's gone all french....

I'm an alcoholic and since I've stopped drinking I've noticed a couple of things: I've noticed how little most other people drink. They might say that they're desperate for a glass of wine, but they often literally mean ONE glass of wine. When I came home from work desperate for a glass of wine, I was desperate for the first glass of wine (and then the next, and the next...). So I've learnt that when people on here, and in real life, talk about drinking they're usually talking about drinking some and then stopping. Drinking enough to satisfy their need, and not going on beyond that. Or going out for a big night, but not having much for the rest of the week.

But I've also noticed other people for whom their response to every situation is to reach for a glass - stressed? have a drink; celebrating? have a drink; tired? have a drink; out with friends? have a drink; home alone? have a drink; nice sunny day? sit outside with a cold drink; chilly day? have something stonger to warm you up. And I worry for those people. I didn't start off on this route planning to be an alcoholic, or drinking like an alcoholic. It was a long insidious build up until I found that it was a struggle to do without. And I'd not wish that on anyone.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 07/06/2011 23:38

Sorry, not read the whole thread as it is very late, but I did want to say, OP, if it worries you you might take a look at the very long-running Brave Babes threads in Relationships.

I'm an alcoholic and I had been trying to cut down or stop for a very long time before I came across those threads. Of course it might be it was just the right time for me but I think the fact there were lots of nice, friendly people around in the same boat as me who could offer help and advice was what turned me around. Some of the wonderful people who post on there have been sober for years and some of us are just starting to tackle things - it's a real lifesaver of a thread and has worked for me and for others. I'm just coming to the end of my fourth sober month now, which is a huge achievement for me as I don't think I'd been sober more than a few weeks in the rest of my adult life, and mostly I'd been drinking every day since I turned 18.

Check out the thread: if you read it and still think MN only has a culture of 'alcohol worship' I'd be surprised!

Maryz · 07/06/2011 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 07/06/2011 23:57

Grin Blush

Really should have read at least the previous post, shouldn't I?! Hi venus.

Having now read the whole thread ... I agree with venus that what strikes me is how little other people drink - that they really do mean 'one' glass.

I would also say, I don't think it's true that people who buy wine, or even people who're alcoholics, do it for the effect and don't enjoy the taste. I absolutely love the taste of wine and have great respect for those people who can enjoy it without going off the deep end. It's just that I can't! Grin

shakey1500 · 08/06/2011 00:00

I totally agree with each to their own et al but I'm also surprised, by my own standards at home much people drink nowadays. And it has become considered the norm.

Don't get me wrong, in my hey day, I could sink a fair few beers along with the rest of them, backstreet East End of London pub standards and the job I was in, at the time, nigh on encouraged binge drinking.

Now I'm older, besides the fact that physically I can't handle it, I just don't "fancy" it either. Sure I'll have the odd glass of wine with a meal of a weekday and have a blow out once in a while and on special occasions. But I certainly don't look forward to a "wine o' clock" every night glass/bottle.

You'll more likely find me with a cuppa (she says, tiddly after rehearsals- yes I totally see my hypocrisy), but I am getting an old fuddy duddy :)

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 08/06/2011 00:37

I was aware of that thread LRD which I suppose coloured my thoughts...and made me think ho ironic it seemed for these women... quietly and bravely struggling with their addiction while everyone else is drinking and bigging it up so much on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 08/06/2011 00:41

Irish nowt wrong with icky...I like words which I used as a child...people can usually relate to them as well as I can...some of them are more interesting than others.

Would you prefer it if I had said "Unattractive"? or "Seedy"? I was trying to lighten my opinions.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministDragon · 08/06/2011 00:48

But Mumbling, the point is that for me (probably not for lots on that thread, but for me), there's no big distinction to make between that thread and the rest of the boards. I certainly don't think I'm doing anything brave and I'm sure I'm not quiet! Grin I was one of the people who was drinking and chatting for a while on here, and I don't honestly see how you could tell who has a problem and who doesn't .... if anything more people recently have been asking me if my crap typing is booze-related.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 08/06/2011 00:56

I know LRD...I didn't mean to make the people on that thread seem separate in some way...but it just seems weird. Like....having a thread about giving up smoking and then loads of other people on other threads talking about how they loved a ciggy...and when could they get one....and how it's fine and harmless.

OP posts:
Morloth · 08/06/2011 05:38

I don't think it is a MN thing as much as a UK thing.

There is very much an 'all or nothing' view to life for many in the UK, towards most pleasures in life, not just booze IMO.

I will sometimes have a glass of wine and sometimes I won't. Most of the people I met in London were either heavy drinkers (ie every night) or teetotal. Not many in between.

The same with smoking, I actually will have a smoke every 6 months or so, but people can't really get their heads around that. Same with food, I am a goodies who eats 'clean' most of the time, but find the occasional cheeseburger carthatic.

There is such a bloody mindedness to much of the drinking I witnessed, it is very strange.

CoteDAzur · 08/06/2011 08:03

Mumbling - Unike smoking, alcohol is harmless in moderation, so yes, people have come on here to poke fun at the OP which wouldnt have happened on a smoking thread.

exoticfruits · 08/06/2011 08:17

Smoking is never harmless-it is a killer.
A glass of wine in moderation is even good for health.(at least red wine is)

It is only a problem if you drink too much, too often, drink to a point where you don't know what you are doing or use it as a crutch or can't do without it.

It is frankly quite insulting to say 'children's parties and adults don't mix,' as if we need a nanny state, because one glass of wine will make us incapable of refusing more, we will become legless and can't supervise a DC!

bagpusss · 08/06/2011 08:57

Definitely need a good relaxing drink in the evenings when the children are in bed. Most evenings this drink is a pot of herbal tea. Once or twice a week, a miniature serving of alcohol rounds it off.
Definitely reliant on the drink, but not on the alcoholic content. It's the ritual of the relaxing drink when the kids are in bed that does it.

Threadworm8 · 08/06/2011 09:08

I do agree with the OP. There does seem to be quite a bit of what you might call 'mutual enabling' -- making one another and oneself feel ok about drinking too much by sharing the behaviour with others on the board.

I drink, and I think I am a too dependent on having a glass of wine more evenings than not, so I don't think I'm being prudish really. Just taking a look at myself writ large on MN.

Also, I was pretty shocked a few weeks ago by a thread where posters had a jolly good laugh at all their anecdotes of extreme drunkeness. Lots of stories of revolting humiliating things trotted out as amusing.

exoticfruits · 08/06/2011 09:17

I think it needs changing much sooner. I am shocked that it is extremely difficult to get a humorous 18th birthday card where the joke is not that you are going out to drink to insensibility.
You can't class someone having a relaxing glass of wine after the DCs have gone to bed with someone who regularly goes out binge drinking and doing stupid things.
I find that Wine is just a cheery symbol, nothing more.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 08/06/2011 09:18

I suppose what makes me very uncomfortable is the attitude that a few people have expressed on this thread, that they feel they can see and identify alcoholics because they're the people buying loads of wine or talking about 'needing' a drink at 5pm, or whatever. These people may indeed be alcoholics, but you don't know that. To me, anyway, the stereotypes that people 'know' as alcoholic are unhelpful.

cory · 08/06/2011 09:28

Don't know about nowadays: dh and his brother drink a lot less than his mum and dad did when they were their age, and even they drank less than his grandparents. The 19th century wasn't exactly a time of restraint either. Not to mention the 18th. My family were teetotallers- but that was partly because of the trauma induced by an alcoholic stepfather back in the late 1800s.

I think one thing that has changed is that there is so much more to do these days if you don't drink- and that husbands are expected to come home from work not go straight into the pub. A generation or two back going straight to the pub was expected behaviour, now it raises eyebrows. And drink driving was something even respectable people did when I was a young woman.

venusandmars · 08/06/2011 09:29

mumbling despite being an alcoholic, I have no wish for other people to stop drinking alcohol, or stop talking about drinking. I have to live in the real world where alcohol and alcohol advertising is all around us.

I guess what I do notice (in comparison to say 30 years ago) is how much alcohol is promoted as being the norm, whether that is on tv reality programmes, sitcoms, films, advertising, sponsorship, or whether it is on here and in real life, where there is encouragement to sit down with a glass of wine. I don't have any problem with that. What was a problem, for me, was that I didn't really hear that as A glass of wine, and for me it gave me the permission I was seeking, that said it's OK to have a drink. And that is totally my responsibility, not the fault of others.

But I also imagine that there are others who are in the position I was, subtly drinking more and more, without really questioning it.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 08/06/2011 09:48

cory - I still find it scary how many people my dad's age (60s) still do drink drive because they don't know/won't accept that alcohol has got stronger and the law has got more strict. There is no convincing my dad that he shouldn't drink two pints/two large glasses of red wine and drive. Sad He's never been pulled over or had a scrape, so he thinks it is ok.

I don't mind the MN culture that it's nice to be pleasantly tipsy and it's nice to have a glass to relax. I honestly don't see the problem. What bothers me much more is the attitude that students/people my age (I'm 26) tend to have - that the aim is to get wasted and build up as large a tolerance as possible. When I was at university people would say proudly that 1 in 4 graduates from my place went on to be alcoholics, as if it were something that proved how exciting we all were. Hmm I think that early training to wolf down as much alcohol as possible as fast as possible is really bad.