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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why is it so much trouble for H to wash once in a while?

36 replies

tiredmomma · 04/06/2011 00:37

So his personal hygiene is lacking - to say the least. I changed the bed sheets today and would rather he had a wash before climbing into a lovely clean and fresh bed. He works a very physical job, the temp was was quite high today, most people would have a shower/bath at the end of the day(or am I imagining that?) especially if they break a sweat in their own particular line of work.

About a half hr ago he tells me he is going outside to have a smoke and then off to bed, I asked was he considering having a shower before bed? and he got all huffy and told me I should have told him earlier that I had changed the sheets, so I replied well really you should be having a shower every day. He then tried to make light of it - and I said no .. really you need to have a shower every day!. At this point he stood up and as he walked out of the room said 'I don't care'. Sad

I heard him moving around upstairs and the sound of the bathroom door being unlocked so I'm guessing he has had a shower now, and when I eventually go to bed he will expect me to want to have sex with him.

I did love this man once upon a time - we have children and more than 15yrs together, I just don't know anymore.

Sorry, this is probably all over the place. I suppose I am putting this out there for opinions really.

Ps I am going out for a smoke now and then am going to bed - I had a shower after I put ds to bed just in case anyone is wondering!! Wink , so I'll check back in tomorrow.
thanks for reading .

OP posts:
heleninahandcart · 04/06/2011 01:04

YANBU and this shouldn't have anything to do with the sheets, and everything to do with his self respect and respect for you. It is understandable in some circumstances that a shower might get missed but IMO if there is time for a cigarette, there is time to take care of washing.

I have dumped men in the past for letting this slip. Not suggesting you do this of course, but he should take this seriously. Yuk

ShellyBoobs · 04/06/2011 01:12

Absolutely no excuse for not showering as far as I'm concerned.

A quick shower takes no more than a few minutes so shouldn't be anything other than a regular, at least daily, ritual.

I wouldn't let my OH anywhere near the bedroom if he didn't shower daily and he works in an air-conditioned office, so doesn't get particularly sweaty.

I really don't think you should put up with him not showering daily if he's doing physical work.

Icelollycraving · 04/06/2011 01:23

Is he depressed? Has his hygiene always been a bit lacking,I assume not?

BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 01:28

YANBU

why would anyone want to be dirty?? i don't get it. who wants to smell their own pong?

chicletteeth · 04/06/2011 01:28

Fucking hell, if he pongs, he should shower.
If not late at night, it shoudd still be once every 24 hours minimum, preferably after sweaty work!

InTheNightKitchen · 04/06/2011 01:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryMewMew · 04/06/2011 02:10

OP, I completely understand where you are coming from and no YANBU.

It can be very hard to live with someone who isn't too bothered about hygene and I can almost guarantee my DP is %100 times worse. Although I'm not so nice to him about it anymore.

cannydoit · 04/06/2011 07:56

i use to have this battle with my eh, to be fair he was always a bit lax, but i was 17 when i met him and he was 26 and owned his own business and then i was prego within a month. but its like once you mention it even just casually they get their back up a stubborn male pride thing, even though with my ex it was massive self esteem issues couples with alcoholism. i am with strawberry on this though at least he does actually shower, my ex didnt brush his teeth, slept in his clothes never changed his underwear and still expected me to have sex with him.
i saw him every day last week and he wore the same clothes everyday boak.
i really dont understand it and it causes unnecessary friction have you just sat him down and said look i really dont like having to say this to you but i dont like having to smell you all the time, but when you are clean and lovely its great?

troisgarcons · 04/06/2011 08:03

Poor hygeine is often a sign of depression.

Is this a recent thing or a long standing avoidance of water!!!

SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 08:34

I think your problems go a bit deeper than his questionable personal hygeine. "i expect he'll want me to have sex with him" You say you dont love him anymore - you guys need to talk

justpaddling · 04/06/2011 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryMewMew · 04/06/2011 11:30

cannydoit That's how my DP is, it's manky. :(
I love him to bits though, but the hygene thing can cause real problems, which is a shame.

LadyThumb · 04/06/2011 11:37

I have one who showers daily, and another who will do anything to get out of bothering (both adults). Has been known to spend 2 weeks abroad with only 2 showers during the whole time, and then I had to nag. It is a mystery to me!!

StrawberryMewMew · 04/06/2011 11:47

2 showers in 2 weeks would be a step up for mines!!
Total mystery to me too. There's nothing better than feeling nice and clean, lying in nice clean bed clothes!

ShellyBoobs · 04/06/2011 12:07

I don't know why men with short hair think their hair does not need to be washed as often and women's

They're not all like that.

My OH washes his hair daily when he showers, as did my ex. :)

RubyFakeNails · 04/06/2011 12:24

This is absolutely revolting! 2 showers in 2 weeks!!!!! I couldn't stand it, luckily DH is into the squeaky clean thing like me, however because of his skin type he does have to moisturise and I HATE it when he gets into bed without it soaked in or when he walks around the house/garden/drive barefoot and thinks he doesnt need to wash his feet (I loudly remind him before his bum touches the mattress normally) but thats about as bad as it gets for us. I would tell you dh its disrespectful and a real turn off, hopefully the thought you don't want to sleep with him will get his act together.

Jaspants · 04/06/2011 12:41

Ugh they sound like teenage boys - my DS would go days without a shower / brushing his teeth if I would let him.

Disgusted that grown men think that it is ok to do so, and shocked that the women they live with allow them to.

StrawberryMewMew · 04/06/2011 13:00

It's not a case of me 'allowing' mines to. But what am I supposed to do?

I nag and threaten and I just get told the nagging makes him less likely to do it.
I find it disgusting, but I love him and don't want to leave him.

valiumredhead · 04/06/2011 14:08

I am stunned at the threads on MN about husbands that don't wash! Ick!!!

OP you say you expect your dh will want to have sex - do you have sex when he doesn't shower? There's no way I'd be able to to!

katvond · 04/06/2011 14:11

My DH showers every evening when he get in from work, he's a builder do get very dirty.

superv1xen · 04/06/2011 14:15

Yuk. wouldn't touch a dirty, smelly man with a bargepole.

cleanliness is an absolute must.

and double YUK at the thought of having sex with someone who needs a shower and smells.

BooyHoo · 04/06/2011 14:23

cannydoit i am amazed you even got into bed with your EX in teh first place!! how did he manage that??

tiredemma · 04/06/2011 14:27

ugh. vile.

DP showers twice a day. More if the weather is hot.

NeonGolden · 04/06/2011 15:26

Two showers in two weeks is really gross.
However, is a shower every day THAT essential? I usually shower every day as well but sometimes I skip a day, you know, too busy, overslept, whatever. I really don't think skipping a shower every once in a while is that vile (unless it's been really hot, I've been sweating a lot, etc).

Is there a lovelier feeling in the world than being squeaky clean and crawling into a bed that's freshly been made up? I don't think so!

bellavita · 04/06/2011 15:31

I think a shower everyday is essential whether you work in an office or on a building site - especially in this warm weather.

Tbh, I would make him sleep elsewhere.