to be mad that a complete stranger just opened my front door?

[Truffleshuffler]

Was sitting in my living room this evening with DS (22 months) asleep on my lap when I hear a knock at the door. Dogs start quietly barking and I start panicking. Should I open the door holding sleeping child? Should I run upstairs and put him in bed and then go to door? All the while dogs are getting louder impatient. Am worrying that dogs will wake up DS. DH is out.
I take DS upstairs and mystery caller decided to ring doorbell. At this action dogs in their excitement manage to escape from kitchen and stand at front door. Hurry downstairs to see the front door being opened by complete stranger to be met with my 2 barking dogs so he quickly closed it. I get to the front door and see man walking away.
He tells me that he is a friend of PIL and is here on business and called to visit my DH.
AIBU to expect:

1. Visitors to phone first
2. Strangers not to open my front door

Nor me Diddl, that's what the door is for - keeping out the un-wanted

I too, don't want just anyone strolling into my house. If I'm not expecting anyone I often don't answer knocks at my door, simply because I don't want to talk to someone who's trying to sell me something or give me the good news. All of my friends and family lead busy lives, so we all ask if the other is free before arranging to meet up. I would expect them to be out if I turned up, uninvited and I certainly wouldn't just walk in.

If someone just walked into my house, they'd leave on their arse.

Surely it is different to lock a door, shut a door, or leave it open? I never lock our door unless we leave the house but no-one can get in without a key. I sometimes leave the front door open (we have a porch door) if it is a very nice day, but then I would bolt the porch door. If you just leave a door completely open and some opportune thief or other just walked in then you wouldn't be covered by insurance? Not a good plan.

"Nor me Diddl, that's what the door is for - keeping out the un-wanted"

Yup-my door, my phone, my rules

It's attitudes of people like seeker who make me not want to answer the door/phone, somehow thinking their (lack of) boundaries must apply to everyone and if anyone thinks differently there's something wrong with them.

No, I decide who I see/don't see, I don't see someone just because they think I should!

Its attitudes like seekers that make me think I'm normal

I'm with Seeker too. How do you know the person at your door is unwanted unless you go to see who it is? About six months ago, an old school friend who has emigrated, and who I'd not seen for years just turned up at my door when she was passing. It was great to see her, and I'd have been gutted if I'd decided not to answer the door and missed her.

Also, I'm not easily offended, but I think I'd be quite hurt if I knocked on a friend's door, knew they were in, and they didn't answer.

"It's attitudes of people like seeker who make me not want to answer the door/phone, somehow thinking their (lack of) boundaries must apply to everyone and if anyone thinks differently there's something wrong with them."

Lack of boundaries? [baffled emoticon]

Where exactly? Am I invading your boundaries by knocking on your door without ringing first? Or ringing you up without texting first? Or texting without - oh, I don;t know, sending a smoke signal or something? Or writing a letter? Oh, and I've just thought - if you don't answer the phone how am I going to ring and ask whether I can come round?

Its not unusual in the valleys in south Wales, if your door is unlocked people will come into the kitchen and give a shout if you don't answer, its always the back door here, only sales people and such, knock on front doors (usually to to be ignored) but it was different when I lived in the city, but then everyone seemed to lock their doors anyway, so I guess it depends on where you are living.
saying that I was shocked when it first happened here - but its the norm, so I just lock my door now if I don't want anyone just walking in.

Really smarter to keep your door locked, especially when a small child could potentially open it and let themselves out. This happened to me with DD2 when she was 3 .

I also found someone else's cat making himself at home one day when the children had left the door open a crack, and it was almost impossible to get rid of him. My own cat ran and hid initially, then emerged to do battle. Nothing livens up your afternoon like an inconclusive catfight in your own sitting room.

I usually only answer if I am expecting someone or if I recognise the person knocking. People with clipboards/Jehovas/political canvassers I ignore. The DCs used to run to open the door every time someone knocked -- very annoying and I got them to stop and be a bit more selective. I hate being in the middle of cooking and being told by one of them, "There's someone at the door collecting money for...", and found the only way to deal with it was to send them back to deal with it themselves. ("Mommy said go away" ).

I'm very surprised this person tried the door, given that the dogs were barking loudly. I would have thought dogs would be off-putting.

"How do you know the person at your door is unwanted unless you go to see who it is?"

You don´t-unless you can see without answering-which I can.

Then I can decide to answer or not.

Mathanxiety, I have to keep the door locked to keep DS in, and to stop him from letting the dogs out.

OK I have read to page 4, cant be arsed reading more.

I dont lock my front door, unless it is evening/bedtime or I am snoozing in the afternoon (have a v sore back at moment and tablets knock me out) or if I am going out of the house, but I have 2 GSDs and at least 1 would bark if a stranger came in and I think would snarl/growl if a stranger walked into my house!

WTF is going on when a stranger can walk into your house - who I assume does NOT know you?

OP I would be asking PILs to have a word with 'Brian'.

I never answered the door in the North. No-one I'd have wanted to visit would pop around unannounced, and I dislike making forced talk with people I don't want there (creepy uncle with no social skills, for example).

Husband, now we've moved, gets VERY frustrated with me for this and expects the door to be answered "because we don't know who it is" (my answer is "exactly!"). The difference being that his family/friends would drop around without telling us first - mine never would, so it's a massive culture/comfort shock for me.

"a bit stupid"? and you're not trying to make people feel small?

if you don't want to answer your door, you're not stupid - you just don't want to answer your door

you don't need to justify it to anyone, any more than you need a good reason for ignoring a phone call

please don't let anyone feel stupid for not answering the door if they don't want to

If on occasion, you don;t awswer your door or your phone becaue you're asleep/in the bath/don;t feel like talking to anyone that's fine.

But to say "I never answer the door/answer the phone unless I know who it is" is (special circumstances apart) a bit stupid. Why on earth not?

And this sense of outrage that somebody could possibly pop round to visit on the off chance that you're in is seriously bizarre. What if your neighbour wants to borrow some milk? What if..oh, I don;t know...somebody's just seen an injured dog go into your garden? What if you garden shed's on fire? What if a friend fancies a chat and a cup of tea? What if somebody thought "I'll just call on X and see if she fancies coming to the park"?

there is no "sense of outrage" that somebody could possibly pop round to visit on the off chance, some people say they don't like it, that's all, they're allowed to not like it without being made to feel like an idiot

what are you talking about, sheds on fire?

YANBU

I keep my front door locked when I am alone in the house with the dc.

If its not the postman or is somone I dont know who is at the door I ignore it!

People said it was rude to call round unannounced. It isn't. It's called normal human interaction.

Nope, calling first is preferred by some (me) because to assume that the intended visitee is just sitting there waiting for you to grace them with your presence is rude. Especially if they are of the type to hang around for ages.

seeker - I'm not referring to YOU as rude, as I just read it back and thought "oooh, that could be taken the wrong way", I used "you" in a general sense".

Or am I overthinking because I haven't had enough coffee yet???

No - I didn't think you were targetting me as the Phantom Door Knocker of Old London Town!

But I just can't get my head round the fact that anyone would think knocking on someone's door was rude. But I suppose if you think that the knocker is assuming that the knockee is sitting in waiting for the knocker to favour them with a visit then it would be. But as a knocker it's not like that. It's knock - do you fancy a walk - no? - Ok see you another time.

I suppose there may be a difference in attitude depending on who the random door-knocker is likely to be - in my case, any randoms were usually door-to-door sales (usually uPVC windows), the pizza delivery guy for the house that should have been next to mine but wasn't, JWs, or meter men. I mostly answered the door until I had DS - and then I mostly didn't - but I had a means of checking to see who was at the door before going to open it.

If you aren't particularly plagued by randoms of the above types, then I suppose you'd be more keen to open the door when it was knocked unexpectedly.

"But to say "I never answer the door/answer the phone unless I know who it is" is (special circumstances apart) a bit stupid. Why on earth not?"

Because I don´t want to see/talk to people I don´t know.

And I don´t see why tha´t stupid at all.