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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad that a complete stranger just opened my front door?

189 replies

Truffleshuffler · 01/06/2011 20:39

Was sitting in my living room this evening with DS (22 months) asleep on my lap when I hear a knock at the door. Dogs start quietly barking and I start panicking. Should I open the door holding sleeping child? Should I run upstairs and put him in bed and then go to door? All the while dogs are getting louder impatient. Am worrying that dogs will wake up DS. DH is out.
I take DS upstairs and mystery caller decided to ring doorbell. At this action dogs in their excitement manage to escape from kitchen and stand at front door. Hurry downstairs to see the front door being opened by complete stranger to be met with my 2 barking dogs so he quickly closed it. I get to the front door and see man walking away.
He tells me that he is a friend of PIL and is here on business and called to visit my DH.
AIBU to expect:

  1. Visitors to phone first
  2. Strangers not to open my front door
OP posts:
Inertia · 02/06/2011 14:03

A determined burglar may well still break in if the door is locked, but at least if doors are locked there's a chance that the insurance company will pay out on losses.

Lunabelly · 02/06/2011 15:17

You see now, just like the more 'open' folk don't get locking front doors, I don't get NOT locking the door.
And yes, I do like to be sounded out before being visited, and I loathe the assumption that because I'm a mother and one stop away from full on agoraphobia I'm open all hours to random visitors. I'm not. I'm receptive only when it is mutually convenient, and sometimes I just don't want to see anyone at all.
Not because I don't like you. But because I live with depression, anxiety, and I am what I am and I have to have the right 'frame', otherwise I'll just sit there mumbling and jiggling until you go away. Plus to me 'just dropping by' is 'just fecking rude' (probably another one of my 'things'...)

I'm sure all of these can be traced back to childhood events as well as more recent ones and my ishoos, but if I'm not prepared and in the frame, I find being around people quite painful and yes, sometimes irritating. Some might say I'm phobic.
This is also part of the reason I don't like leaflet drops, junkmail, chuggers, spam and coldcalling. I have my castle, and I simply don't want it invaded.

You can tell me that I'll be a lonely old lady, but I hopefully won't be. My family and friends know what I'm like and accept it. Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter (they also get to go on the shitlist). My doctor would probably like to plaster some label or syndrome on me but hey, whatevs. :o

lesley33 · 02/06/2011 15:48

Piglet - I live in a Northern City. I used to live in London with high rates of burglary. When I moved up North to my current house I was so worried about burglary, I was going to fit a burglar alarm and I booked for the crime prevention officer to visit.

When the crime prevention officer visited he told me there were very very few burglaries - he told me stats for surrounding streets. He advised me to get some lock upgrades, which I did, but told me that he didn't think it was worth me buying a burglar alarm with such a low rate of crime - so I didn't.

In the 11 years I have been here in the same house, neither I or any neighbours round about have been burgled. Once some people broke into some sheds nearby and stole some bikes. The CSO's were knocking on everyone's door the next day to warn them and to ask us all to check our sheds. I did, but nothing had been stolen. Although we didn't have bikes in there, we have power tools and absolutely no lock.

Of course that doesn't mean that I or my neighbours will never get burgled. But some areas still genuinely have very low burglary rates.

sugarjunkie · 02/06/2011 15:57

Early one Saturday morning I was in my garage minding my own business and pottering about potting up some bedding plants. The door was partially closed to cut the chill but still emit sufficient light. I lived on the edge of the town, down a lane next to farmland and suddenly the up and over garage door was just rammed up and a teenage boy strolled in.

I didn't feel threatened at first as he wasn't a 'man' exactly and I was mid 30s, nevertheless the shock of not having heard his approach, together with the sudden noise of the door shattering the silence really unhinged me.

He was prattling on about a cat in the road, and was it mine?? Was this just an excuse to launch a raid on the contents of my garage which he could mistakenly have assumed was unattended? Not sure, but I suddenly realised how vulnerable I was and shoved him out.

Creepy

AgentZigzag · 02/06/2011 15:59

Great post lunabelly, I'm the same with just about everything you said Smile

Spuddybean · 02/06/2011 16:15

My PiL (of now ex) who had never been to our house before, came for a visit for ex's b-day. They turned up an hour early and just walked in. We were in the bedroom, er, 'celebrating'. The first thing we realised were they were walking up the stairs (we had no number on the door and they could have been in the wrong house for all they new!).
We hurriedly pulled our clothes on and blamed our red faces on blowing up balloons for the party - there were no balloons tho!

It is totally unreasonable to walk in to anyones house without them inviting you in.

takethisonehereforastart · 02/06/2011 16:27

I always lock my door, mainly because my in-laws are the type to just walk in uninvited. My friends and family are like me, knock and wait types who hate unexpected visitors. DH's family are turn up for an hour and stay the week types who don't even respect a closed bathroom door. MiL once burst into their lockless bathroom while I was on the loo, said "Oh sorry...but since I'm in now..." and proceded to sit down on the side of the bath to have a conversation! She knew I was in there, the rule in the house for the bathroom was 'if the door is closed then someone is behind it.' This was before the big fall out we had, when I would still visit their house.

And I also panic when someone knocks at the front door unexpectedly OP, usually because it's always at the worst possible house a mess and me stark naked moment.

It's rude to just walk in. Unless you have called ahead and been told to just come right in you should knock and wait.

I'd be annoyed at the random man trying to walk in too. Have you asked your PILs about him?

cardibach · 02/06/2011 17:09

Piglet, I don't have to keep telling myself that. I KNOW the chance is very small. Police.uk shows no crime of any sort in my postcode for the last month. I look every now and then for a giggle. THere is rarely any reported crime.

I do lock the door at night (well, I only occasionally forget) and when I go out, though.

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/06/2011 17:21

Lunabelly I'm exactly the same Grin

xstitch · 02/06/2011 17:32

I'm shocked at that friend just letting herself in to eatch Tv whole tge household were out.

I am not averse to visitors I just expect them to wait until I answer the door. If you can't hear someone at the door then you wouldn't hear a sneak thief either. My doors an windows are always locked.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/06/2011 17:49

I'm skimming so this might have been asked but what the hell type of front doors do you lot all have that can be opened from the outside without a key? The only way to open my front door is to put the key in the lock. I thought that was standard. There is no unlocked about it.

thumbwitch · 02/06/2011 19:18

I had a couple of friends who don't like to be dropped in on without warning, mostly because they were rather untidy but didn't like to be caught out in a complete pigsty, so they needed at least half an hour's warning to tidy up.

I have no problem with people needing notice - and I equally have no problem with people saying to me "just drop round whenever you feel like it", although it can cause problems doing that, because sometimes they are just on their way out, or have other guests, or have things to do - it's not that big a deal to phone them first, especially if you have to drive to see them, or walk for more than 10 minutes.

Gwendoline - my door in Australia has both a yale lock (except it's not yale here but you know what I mean) and a standard door handle - so if you lift the catch on the yale lock, then the door can be opened with just the door handle.
I think those uPVC white doors often have a facility for leaving the door "open" as well - so that you just have to use the handle to open them - I know my sister's does.

ScroobiousPip · 03/06/2011 08:56

Yale locks (the sort that can only be opened from the outside with a key) are becoming rarer because they are difficult to fit to uPVC double glazed doors (which are becoming more popular). Old houses also often have the old fashioned key locks too.

seeker · 03/06/2011 13:01

'Seeker your tone seems as if you are trying to make people feel stupid for minding about a stranger walking into their house unannounced.'

Nope. As I said somewhere - of course the OP's man shouldn;t ahve come in.

But - special circumstances aside (and some people on here have explained why their circumstances are special Sad) - I do think it is a bit stupid to not answer your own front door, not answer your own telephione and to think it's rude just to "just pop round" on the off chance of you being in. And I do think it's a bit odd to mind if a friend knocks, puts their head round the door and calls out before coming into your kitchen. Honestly, it is.

thumbwitch · 03/06/2011 13:08

seeker, are you the lady who also does your friends' washing for them if you're round their house when they're out for any reason?

seeker · 03/06/2011 13:19

Not any more, thumbwitch! Although my friends are still welcome to do mine!

Finallyspring · 03/06/2011 13:55

My thoughts exactly gwendolinemary lacey I have never lived in or seen a door to the street which could be opened from the outside without a key so this whole thread seemed inexplicable.

Maybe because it's because I live in London, a pretty rough part. And btw I find it sad that people feel they have to lock themselves in and won't answer the door. It's a response that isn't really proportionate to the threats out there. Like women who believe they can't walk alone at night.

diddl · 03/06/2011 14:13

Our door is currently unlocked-but can only be opened from the outside with a key.

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 14:15

So anyone who doesn't do what you do as the norm is 'odd' seeker?

I mind if someone came into my house uninvited.

seeker · 03/06/2011 14:16

You mind id a frind pops her head round your door?

seeker · 03/06/2011 14:17

You think it's quite normal not to awswer your own phone or go to your door if somebody knocks? Serously?

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 14:21

Yes to all three.

lesley33 · 03/06/2011 14:25

Sorry but I am amazed FinallySpring that you have never seen a door that can be opened from the outside without a key. I have very rarely seen a door that can't be opened from the outside without a key - apart from doors that have a yale lock, but even that can be put on the snib.

My front door is an ordinary front door with a handle and a keyhole for a mortice key.

cheekeymonkey · 03/06/2011 14:25

How do know he wasn't a burglar, checking to see if anyone was in? Or did he actually use PIL's name?

diddl · 03/06/2011 14:41

"You think it's quite normal not to awswer your own phone or go to your door if somebody knocks? Serously?"

Not sure if it´s normal, but I frequently don´t answer the door if I don´t recognise the person at the door.

Likewise with the phone-if I don´t recognise the number, I don´t always answer.

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