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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People just love to rub it in that I live in a shit area

36 replies

HeartBurnQueen · 01/06/2011 19:24

My mum is the worst for it. She lived in a terrible area for 16 years until finally, last year she moved to the neighbouring village known for it's 'poshness' and rather expensive abodes. Although to be fair, it isn't THAT posh, yobs still hang around the bus shelter at night, the secondary school is well known for bullying and drugs and the burglary rate is quite high. But on the whole, it is a "nice" area. But she rubs it in all the time. For instance the other day she asked me "oh did you get the Poshington times this week? oh no, course not - you don't live in Poshington do you" Or "oo it's lovely and quiet around here, you never hear a thing - so, is it still really bad where you are then?"

Another thing is does is constantly tell me about houses that have come up for sale or rent near her:

"Oh a lovely 4 bedroom semi has come up for rent on the corner, why don't you enquire?" errr because I'm not earning the £50k a year needed to pay for it maybe? it's not rocket science - I'm a single parent on job-seekers allowance - how the hell would I be able to pay for a 4 bed semi in Poshington?

Another one: "Oh they're selling that house around the corner, needs a bit of work doing to it so you might get it cheap!" err ... yeah and they're really going to give me a mortgage on my jobseekers "income" arnt they

My partner does it as well though. Whenever I go to his house I get the constant "oh its so lovely around here" "its so quiet around here" "I love it so much around here" "I'd never move onto a council estate again, never" did you ok for 20 years previous though, didn't it???

Then he slags off my area "Oh I wouldn't dare leave my car around your end" "that area is going downhill rapidly" "god I'm so glad I got away from here" etc etc - I wouldn't mind but he only moved out of this VERY HOUSE in March!!! All of a sudden he thinks he's too good for areas like this

It's doing my head in, why constantly rub it in?? I know I don't live down mayfair but I don't expect the people closest to me to get such smug satisfaction out of it!!!

OP posts:

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 01/06/2011 19:26

where the hell do you live?

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 01/06/2011 19:27

oh and ignore them. they are being snobby idiots - sounds like inverted snobbery to me, the worst kind.

There will always be better place and worse places to where you live.

Mamaz0n · 01/06/2011 19:28

you obviously live next door to me.

MadamMemoo · 01/06/2011 19:29

The area I live in is nicknamed "south central" by one of my friends. Doesn't bother me. You just have to laugh things off sometimes and be careful it's not your hang ups that's clouding your judgement.

tabbycat7 · 01/06/2011 19:32

I work at a school in a bit of a grotty area and I have to walk through it to get to the bus stop, and despite it being a council estate there are some really nice things about it. The houses were all done up a while ago with double glazing and new front doors, and the gardens have been made low maintanence with gravel and plants that are hard to kill. There are kids playing out in the street and neighbours chatting to each other over the fence. Someone I know moved there and she says it's actually a nice place to live, people are friendly and welcoming. There are problems, but there's also a real sense of community. I think it might be like this on other council estates too.

Original poster

HeartBurnQueen · 01/06/2011 19:32

The area doesn't bother me as such though, it's just other people's attitudes and smug behaviour all the time. I live on the edge of a council estate and it's not the best of areas but it certainly isn't the worst.

Another thing my mum does regarding my sister:

"Oh I'm so scared DD will drop out of college and end up living on NotSoPoshinton or somewhere terrible like that" ( like me, you mean?) "oh I'm sorry, I've just realised what I said!" errr no you intentionally said that and for that reason, you do it all the bloody time!!!

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 01/06/2011 19:33

Tell your mum to piss orf if she can't be sensible and inform your boyfriend he might be better off with someone from poshington since your obviously too low class now.

Wish I had a council house, least you ave a bloody garden !

Primalscream · 01/06/2011 19:35

That's the nouveau riche for you - no class whatsoever

katvond · 01/06/2011 19:36

Bloody snobs I hate them. No one better than anyone else.

Original poster

HeartBurnQueen · 01/06/2011 19:37

Well the last time he was going off on one he said

"Oh god look at the state of it around here now, I could never move back into an area like this, awful. You wouldn't believe how lovely it is where I live now"

I replied with

"Hmm, shame it took you until you were 37 to leave this shit area though eh? And the debt you're in - well I just couldn't sleep at night! I love having such low rent and everything".

He went in a strop. I found it quite amusing.

OP posts:

5318008 · 01/06/2011 19:39

why are you with him? what a knob

youarekidding · 01/06/2011 19:40

poshington

I know what you mean though. It grates but as others have said you need to ignore it.

I think you need a comeback along the lines of its not where you live but how you manage your life - anyone can live in Poshington but not many can raise great kids alone.

greencolorpack · 01/06/2011 19:42

I got this from my Mum all the time, for being in a big city while she is in a tiny village. I've been to her village. The staff in the local shop look at you like scum in her village and won't move the coal bags so you can get in the door with your pushchair. They don't talk to you, they show no interest whatsoever. Whereas in my city local shop, the staff couldn't do enough for you and you could always get a cheery hello there, and they were friendly to your children too. So ... I don't see it. When my Mum goes off on one about how terribly unfriendly the city is.

I think it must be insecurity that makes people boast. Not enough to live the dream, they have to rub it in the faces of us mere mortals who haven't "made it" yet.

aldiwhore · 01/06/2011 19:45

Trying to look at it from another perspective (though I don't think YABU and it must grate) that maybe you could be being a bit sensitive about things? Is the area you live in shit? If so, they're not being snobs so much as pointing out the bleeding obvious, and if a house becomes available maybe your mum thinks she's doing the right thing by telling you, because maybe she's so happy to be away from your area that she thinks you'll feel the same? Not that being reminded your area is a shithole really helps, of course it doesn't!

I've lived very happily in a few 'shit' areas before now, and would never ever return, the grass was greener then and still is.

It MUST annoy you, but I have to be honest, I'm not new money (still haven't got any) or a snob (erm, actually scratch that I am if I'm honest, though not about people just about places and where I'd rather be) and after living in shitholes I probably DO get a bit excited about how great life is after moving on from one, that could be construed as me being judgemental (or boring) or rubbing your face in it (if we were talking on that subject) and I'd like to think I would have a little more tact and diplomacy, but its hard not to be evangelical sometimes when you're happy.

Your partner doesn't sound like he's intentionally rubbing your nose in it, but is just loving where he's at.... if you like your area, be proud of it and say so, if you hate it too, say so and also add if they'd like to buy you a house they're more than welcome to and if they can't you'd appreciate it if they shut up!

Primalscream · 01/06/2011 19:47

Op; have you ever thought of this - maybe your mum is trying to get you out of your shitty area because she cares about you.
She's lived it so she knows how bad it is.

Original poster

HeartBurnQueen · 01/06/2011 19:47

My mum has always been a bit like this though, a few years ago she was all high and mighty because they had Sky installed.

"Did you watch that documentary about Smugness last night? oh no sorry, you don't have Sky, do you"

"I have so many channels, I don't know what to watch!! what are you watching tonight? then again, you've only got four channels havn't you?"

I don't watch telly anyway so I really couldn't give a shit tbh!!

I think it the case of my partner he is SO insecure about EVERYTHING and I think this is his way of saying "look at me, I've done better than you at something! are you jealous? are you jealous??? PLEASE be jealous ...... "

OP posts:

Wilts · 01/06/2011 19:49

I get this as lot as well. I live on the most notorious council estate in my town and have heard every comment going about it. The estate is slated in the local paper on a daily basis, it's quite boring to hear it really.

I have people asking if it is safe to leave their car out the front the neighbouring 'nice, private' estate seems to be in denial that any crime committed there is not always caused by residents from our estate.

It's snobby and insulting to hear what we do on quite a regular basis.

I would never dream of criticising where someone lives, it is their home and the type of person they are is soo much more important that the locality of their property.

Original poster

HeartBurnQueen · 01/06/2011 19:50

No because my mum knows full well I can't afford these houses! its obvious to even a child that someone that doesn't work can't afford a big posh house in the posh village!

I tell her time and time again that there is no point in going on about these houses as it just won't happen. To me it's like giving a dog a bone and then saying "oh no sorry, forgot you were on a diet, lets have that back"

OP posts:

Cain · 01/06/2011 19:52

Its not where you live but how you live.

I lived in a 'proper skanky' area when I first left my ex and some do love to rub your nose in it but just remember, every dog has its day.

Do you think that you might be reading more into the comments than is meant?

You could be over analysing?

Best thing to do is be honest and tell them how you feel - they might be worried you are getting comfy where you are!

Cain · 01/06/2011 19:53

Disclaimer, I'm a very slow typer so the thread has probably moved on since I started to write...

KittySpencer · 01/06/2011 19:56

YANBU, this is v annoying. I live on a council estate - though most of the houses are now ex-LA (including mine), in a very 'nice', leafy suburban town. I live where I do because I could only afford a house half the size of mine in the main part of the town, rather than on the outskirts where our estate is.

I do still find I get raised eyebrows when I tell people where I live (especially at DS2's school which is in the good part of town. I also have a couple of friends who consistently refer to where I live as Y (an even rougher area a mile from where I live) rather than by the name of the nice town, X - despite the fact that X is my postal address and where I do live!

As one of my juniors at work would say 'just ignore the haters' :)

NettoSuperstar · 01/06/2011 19:56

You might want to tell him to fuck off.

I'm about to move onto a scheme, and I live in a 'naice' town, except I live on the wrong side of it.

Anyone who judges me can fuck the fuck off, and when they get there, fuck off some more :)

greencolorpack · 01/06/2011 21:47

Wilts I had the same experience in my last home. It used to hurt me because they wouldn't even ask if their cars were safe they just wouldn't come round my place. My car, was frequently left unlocked cos I forgot it and nothing bad ever happened. But people just put areas and people in pigeonholes and live in their small-minded world. I remember once asking a lot of quite well off women I knew to a party at mine, they all had expressions of horror on their faces and none of them came.

I liked where I lived, it was a good area, with decent neighbours.

But you can't even big it up without people thinking you're being all chippy and you're actually dead jealous (they assume you MUST be jealous, surely?) Like Netto said, they can f right off. I had one "acquaintance" on Facebook and remember her dh slagging off my old estate, attributing recent crime on their leafy street to my estate. Some people think their ordure doesn't smell just cos they're on a street of three bedroom semis.

TIDDLYMUM · 01/06/2011 21:54

Netto, I love your phrase and the sentiment. Good on you!!!! ;)

My friend lived in one of the most exclusive parts of South Mcr/Cheshire but as she said' still had dog s* in the street'. Meaning that the perception that it was perfect was not 100% true

Prob pedigree dog s* as opposed to mongrel though :)

beesimo · 01/06/2011 22:08

When ever folk are trying to be flash here abouts they add another extension to their farmstead or pave over summat or put yet more fancy gates on. But extra bathrooms are the top favourite in the flashing the cash stakes.

One of our friends was telling us he was going to have 4 bathrooms in his new barn conversion.

'Well' pipes up my DH ''you may have four toilets but you'll still only have one arse!'

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