AIBU or is it poor form to invite only one person in a married couple?

[Bananamash]

AIBU?

This morning we have had a wedding invite for one of DH's very close friends. DH and this man have been friends since about 15. I met him when DH and I started going out together when I was 17- so I have known him for almost ten years.

DH and this man did used to be very close friends and see each other regularly, usually weekly, until he moved around the country to be with his soon to be wife. She seems a lovely girl, but we're not really friends. I suppose myself and this man were never really chummy or anything, but on when we were younger every weekend we would go out as a group of us, and we try and do the same now, babysitters permitting. He has been moving around the country for the last few years, so all of our group of friends have seen less of him. DH is going on his stag do.

The invite is just for DH during the day and I am invited just to the evening event. AIBU to think this is a bit off?

The wedding is being held about an hour and a half away, which means most people are having to get hotels etc, not really easy just to pop in for a few hours etc.

Maybe I am being precious, but I wouldn't have thought this was the done thing at all. We had several couples at our wedding where we were very chummy with one but not the other member, and have been to lets of weddings where this is the case.

AIBU?

Lady-eloquent as ever :o

I'm curious as to how they have actually worded the invitation. Did you get separate invitations?

I felt rude not putting "and guest" and the wedding invitations I gave to single friends. But I was limited to 60, and they all knew each other anyway.

Lovemyskinnyjeans you could have afforded it.

You could have had a buffet in a village hall, you chose not to because you wanted a venue that only held 70 people. I would bet money that someone was offened, but they didn't want to say anything to you about it as there wouldn't be much they could do after the snub had been made anyway.

I'm sick and hormonal.

Hello again,

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, it was two separate invites in one envelope. The envelope was addresses to mr and mrs bananamash. Inside it had two cards, one saying in handwritten writing, dear mr banana for the day event, and a second card saying dear mrs banana and little bananas to the evening event.

To those posters who said it wouldn't necessarily be stuck in a hotel room, maybe go out or go to the spa etc, it would be a nightmare tbh. DH will be expected to be there early i assume, to help get things ready, go thru what he needs to do etc, so i guess late morning, and then I would be hanging around- with two small children, until 730pm. And it would be hanging around- we couldn't afford to have a jolly day out (not even sure what there is to do down there) in addition to presents, travel, hotel and outfits. And it is a LONG time with two small ones by myself. I am not prepared to spend the time and money dropping off dh there in the morning and going back in the evening myself.

After mulling it over this afternoon, I have decided i am definately not going. DH.... well I understand he is in a sticky situation. He wants to go, he has asked to be an usher which is lovely, but is not impressed about this palava... but even if the couple now said, actually thinking about the logistics i can see why this would be difficult etc excuse etc, please come to the day, i would say no- i don't want to go if it's because i have had to kick up a stink to get an invite!!

YANBU! This is what happened to me when BIL was marrying his first wife. DH was BIL's best man, they were only having a small wedding but I wasn't invited even though several of her friends and their partners were. Really pissed DH off and he ended up not going and him BIL stopped speaking for a while after that. I think she got the hump because I didn't invite her 3 kids to our (very small) wedding 4 months earlier. We had 2 children there, DSD (who was my bridesmaid) and DN (BIL's son who was page boy). There were no children invited from my side at all so why would we invite hers? He had cheated on her within 3 months and they were divorced after 2 years. Horrible of me but all I could think was Haha.

AHA! So actually it could very well be that they don't want children at the service? (Which is actually acceptable but they've gone about it in the wrong way - they should have invited Mr & Mrs Banana and sent a separate invite to the children for the evening - even if by doing that they were effectively inviting "Close friend to all of it and partner with kids to token event").

Honestly, I tend to err towards people should invite whoever they want there, but not be offended by the attendee list they create.

What a palava banana more hassel than its worth. As its the evening, you might not enjoy it as you will have tired and fractious kids on your hands and might have to make an early dash home anyway. I don't blame you for declining.

Yanbu at all - how bloody rude! What does your dh think?!

Be big about it. Just go to the evening and accept that there is some reason why they can't have you at the meal. I had a very intimate wedding and as we planned it in 3 weeks only one cousin could come beyond my immediate family so I invited three girl friends( but not their long term partners who I knew less well)to balance it out as all my husband's family came including the kids not invited on the invite!I just did not want the three extra people who I did not know very well- when we were so close to venue capacity if all others accepted which they did.

I just think you should be gracious- weddings are about the couple not the guests and we all know how expensive they are. Maybe he will have a table of lads there without the girlfriends.

I don't think you have to take it personally, unless you choose to of course.

Or stay at home and let your husband go off and have a fun day with his old time friend- that would be a lovely gift to him I think. I do not find all my husband's friends particularly enjoyable company but when they come and stay I just encourage my husband to go off for the day and enjoy his friendship as it is not my friendship- he affords me that luxury too as finds some of my dear friends boring!
The groom clearly does not know you particularly well and just wants close friends there- no big deal.

Forgetting the individual invite, and presuming the op cannot find anyone to look after her kids, there is noway that I would go to an evening wedding, actually make it a full wedding if I can help it with dd aged 4. I know by the evening she would be tired, fractious, and we would have to make a swift exit, like we had to do a few months ago at a wedding we went to together with dd.

Went to a childfree wedding this weekend, and it was bliss, no stress and hassle of dd (who has suspected ASD but awaiting a dx in the future). We were able to enjoy ourselves at our leisure.

Agree that minding 2 small DC all day, then supervising them all evening is not going to be much fun for you. At my BILs recent wedding my DH was the best man (so busy most of the day) and my DD (2.8) was a bridesmaid, everyone else in the family was busy, so I was minding DD all day by myself (getting her ready/keeping her quiet in church/during the meals/speeches, following her around so she didn't cause havoc/knock over the cake/have a tantrum etc.

Not something I am in a rush to repeat

Forgot to mention my DB just got engaged so I will be forced to repeat. Though will kindly suggest that my wild darling DD not be a bridesmaid this time!

So are all the other Usher's wives/partners going for the whole thing?
I think if someone is important enough in your life to be part of the wedding party then so are their partners.
Then don't invite so many 'distant' so-to-speak guests.

Very rude imo.