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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked/horrified that this child had a dummy?

100 replies

Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:35

I'd say he was at least 3 years old, at the swimming pool with mum and dad, swimming happily, jumping off the side etc...with a dummy in his mouth at all times.

I know children can be attached to dummies (my DD1 had one) but surely not in the pool?!!

OP posts:
colditz · 31/05/2011 22:37

YABU

ashcloud · 31/05/2011 22:40

YAB a bit U. I wouldn't do it but 'horrified' is a bit strong.

Booandpops · 31/05/2011 22:40

My Ds has a dummy at night.he is 3.6. My fault as I havnt dealt with it. It's his last one and he knows once it's gone it's gone. He bites holes in them.
Yanu

LordOfTheFlies · 31/05/2011 22:41

Round my way they talk with the dummy in, eat their MaccyD chips with the dummy in and a couple of the reception girls (5 or near as damn it) go to school with the dummy in.
If the poor little buggers spit them out they are instantly plugged back in,even if the child isn't fretting for it.Hmm

WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 22:41

Wow you're judgey. How do you know he doesn't have SN or a problem with anxiety? I'd bet you'd be one of those horrible people who used to stare and point when I used to be out and about with my students who had SN. Some of them were adults and they wore nappies and bibs. Would you be shocked and horrified at them? Get a life for god's sake.

NellieForbush · 31/05/2011 22:41

You must be easily shocked...

AuntiePickleBottom · 31/05/2011 22:41

yabu and very judgemental

Glitterknickaz · 31/05/2011 22:42

If you're horrified by that how on earth do you get through life?

HavePatience · 31/05/2011 22:42

I saw a 5 year old (may even have been 6, definitely older than 4) with one yesterday when out. I wasn't shocked or horrified. I just thought there must be more to it that I didn't know. Dh started to comment to me and I gave him a death stare back and he shut up. You just don't know everything about everyone. And people all make their own parenting choices for different reasons.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:44

Well I'm not usually judgey but perhaps I must be on this issue.

OP posts:
WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 22:46

Basically kitsilano, it's none of your business. A child with a dummy does you no harm whatsoever and you have no idea what his or his family's situation is. Being "horrified" at them is way way over the top and very small minded IMO. Dummies are not the work of the devil and are essential for some children. Why do you even need to comment??

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:47

I just thought that as I know from experience how difficult it is to wean a kid off a dummy and how strong you need to be as a parent to get rid of the thing that you'd try banning it at least while doing a fun activity like swimming.

But you are all correct - shocked and horrified is an over reaction and he may have had an anxiety I wasn't aware of.

OP posts:
BigTuna · 31/05/2011 22:47

Awwww, fancy being shocked and horrified by a 3 yo with a dummy. You just stay in that cotton wool nest all cosy there because the world is such a horrid place I think you'd keel over if you saw something like, ooh, a toddler with coke in it's bottle Shock

BigTuna · 31/05/2011 22:48

x posted sorry

I need to stop posting

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:48

Okay - now I'm planning to go to bed in a minute BigTuna so please don't get me all worked up

OP posts:
WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 22:48

Sorry if I seem a bit sensitive about this BTW but the judgey "horrified" stares I used to get when I was out with my students used to turn my stomach and I felt so sad for my kids who were being judged at every turn for things that weren't their fault. Next time you see a kid who is some bit outside the norm, smile. You might be the only one who has smiled at him or her all day :(

AnnieLobeseder · 31/05/2011 22:49

To be fair, while I think dummies can be a godsend and used them for both my DDs, I hate seeing children (not babies) out and about with them, especially when they're happy and smiling. Why the heck do they need them? They interfere with speech and dental development.

One they reached 2yo, DD's dummies were for at home only, and at night only, unless they were really upset or ill. And I always made them take them out to speak.

Yes, of course there are children with SN, but most of the time it's just lazy parenting.

WriterofDreams - I think you're projecting on the OP a bit there!

InTheNightKitchen · 31/05/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 22:51

Perhaps Annie, but the thing is you just never know, so why not err on the side of being kind? I'm sure if a parent is struggling with getting a child to give up the dummy the last thing they need is catsbum faces all round? Give people a break for god's sake.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:52

WriterofDreams - I genuinely don't think he had SN and I am honestly not the sort of person who makes judgements of that sort - and you are right to be protective of the kids you work with.

And I certainly didn't dish out any horrified stares or comment to anyone in RL. I just was interested whether my middle class judgeyness was shared on mumsnet - clearly not! You are better people than me! Wink

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 31/05/2011 22:52

I know a 7 year old with a dummy. He has sensory issues. Tbh, I never really get the horror over dummies. Most children grow out of them. You rarely see a grown up on the tube sucking on a doody.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:53

Envy is this the cat's bum face? I didn't do that I promise.

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 31/05/2011 22:55

why is it lazy parenting, i don't think i have ever seen an adult out with a dummy.

a child will grow out of a dummy, bottle, pram, BF, ect why rush them to give it up.

my dd is 23 months, and my baby days are almost over she doesn't have many 'baby' items.....all she has left is potty training (which i am in no rush to do) and to get the rest of her teeth

FellatioNelson · 31/05/2011 22:56

When older children are attached to their dummies they are REALLY attached to them. It doesn't surpise me that if he still wants/needs a dummy, he wants it with him everywhere, even in the pool.

WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 22:57

I worked with an 8 year old who used to suck a piece of cloth. If we took it away from her she had a meltdown so it was either let her have it or never take her anywhere. Over time we worked on it with her and eventually she gave it up (although then she moved onto her thumb!). To look at her or even to see her at a pool you'd never think she had SN. Every tut and stare used to drive me insane. What did it matter to those people if she sucked a cloth or not??