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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked/horrified that this child had a dummy?

100 replies

Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:35

I'd say he was at least 3 years old, at the swimming pool with mum and dad, swimming happily, jumping off the side etc...with a dummy in his mouth at all times.

I know children can be attached to dummies (my DD1 had one) but surely not in the pool?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 22:58

You make good points WriterOfDreams and have made me rethink my casual judging.

OP posts:
thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 22:59

My eldest didn't have her dummy in the day after she was 1 and my youngest has never had one but I've seen kids older than 3 with them so I wouldn't be shocked. Why d'you think it's particularly bad in a pool OP?

Gooseberrybushes · 31/05/2011 23:00

I like dummies. They are marvellous.

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 23:00

FFS can you stop being so reasonable OP?

We'll never be able to flame you at this rate Grin

WriterofDreams · 31/05/2011 23:02

Good on you Kitsilano. Sorry for being a bit over the top but it did really get to me. I actually gave one woman a stern talking to one time, I think she wanted the ground to swallow her up! It's heartbreaking to see people looking at kids you are really fond of as if they are weirdos or freaks.

BTW catsbum face is that pinchy mouth people put on when judging others - bit like sucking a lemon!

Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 23:03

Partly because I thought it would cause more swallowing of pee-laden pool water (he was going under the water a lot) and partly because I thought surely you start weaning a child off a dummy by restricting it - eg to bed time and nap time, not while you eat etc and while clearly having loads of fun doing a distracting activity would seem the obvious place to start.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitsilano · 31/05/2011 23:04

That last reply was to thegruffalosma btw - not trying to start the whole thing up again!

OP posts:
Chunkamatic · 31/05/2011 23:11

OP I would probably feel a bit inwardly judgey about this - and my DS1 still has a dummy at 3.4 to sleep with! It is probably because it is down to my lazy parenting that I haven't dealt with taking his away so would probably judge the other parents by this too. I wouldn't be shocked or horrified though, that's just melodramatic! And I would certainly, always, keep it to myself - as other posters have pointed out you never know the full story.

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 23:16

You see I thought having your mouth clamped round a dummy might stop you swallowing the wee wee water. Maybe the childs mum thought the same. Maybe they never have a dummy and she bought it for swimming Grin

midori1999 · 31/05/2011 23:27

I'm horribly (inwardly) judgey about dummies. Just as much as someone's DC having a dummy doesn't affect me in any way, neither does my (kept to myself) judgeyness about it affect anyone. I would have and do wonder why the heck most children need a dummy during normal daily activities.

Plus, I have a SN child myself, so am used to staring judgeyness and even comments. I never care what those I don't know think of me or my child, so why should anyone else care what I think? ( and I doubt they do!)

hanaka88 · 01/06/2011 06:54

My DS has a teething thingy that fits in his mouth and looks like a dummy to prevent him picking up and chewing things he REALLY shouldn't. He has ASD. It also stops him having a good chew on other peoples children so people who judge would stop if I took it away and DS started munching on their childs hand :)

allhailtheaubergine · 01/06/2011 07:07

My 5yo sucks her thumb. Is that worse than a 3yo with a dummy?

How about my breastfed 3yo? Sometimes he just has milkies for comfort Shock. Worse than a 3yo with a dummy? Right? Right?

Bonsoir · 01/06/2011 07:08

One of my first cousins used a dummy right through primary school (though not actually at school). It was very clearly a case of lazy parenting and while I cannot attribute all the social problems my cousin has had to the dummy per se, the dummy was clearly illustrative of a much bigger problem.

troisgarcons · 01/06/2011 07:44

I genuinely don't think he had SN

Oh perlease! Do tell me what a SN child looks like. This I have to hear!

Chundle · 01/06/2011 08:15

My dd2 has social anxiety, speech delay, sensory integration issues etc she looks totally NT and is heavily reliant on a dummy!! Please don't judge dummy users we totally cannot leave the house without at least one of them and going into busy places like a swimming pool is extremely stressful

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/06/2011 08:16

DD (3.4) has just started having a dummy and I'm delighted. It's taken huge effort to get rid of her bottle and we've managed it finally in the last week. It's been replaced with the dummy but the dummy doesn't contain milk which is pooling round her teeth, goes manky in hot weather, needs constant washing out and carting around. It will probably take years before we get rid of it but I had one at night till I was 7 so no biggie! :)

Shannaratiger · 01/06/2011 08:26

My dd 7 has dyspraxia and still sucks her thumb when she's tired or stressed, nobody looks twice. Just because it's a dummy it's still just as relaxing.

chicletteeth · 01/06/2011 08:33

If this is all it takes to shock/horrify you, I don't know how you've managed to get through life so far.

What if you saw a child drinking coke out of a bottle (crap and bad parenting I know)? Would it send you into a catatonic state?

Grin
Soups · 01/06/2011 08:43

At least it's going to be a clean dummy Grin

porcamiseria · 01/06/2011 08:44

get a fucking LIFE
shocked and horrified! how would you react if you saw something really bad, I dread to think!!!!!!

boolifooli · 01/06/2011 08:54

Please don't watch the news op.

girlscout · 01/06/2011 09:05

Im not keen on kids ofthat age still having a dummy when they are up and about, but itsnot my business,if Its not my kid.
except i would be worried that anyone would be swimming with therir mouth blocked and having to breath through their nose.

rainbowinthesky · 01/06/2011 09:11

I am amazed that anyone would be shocked and horrified at this. You must live an incredibly sheltered life and maybe need to get out a bit more.

Cat98 · 01/06/2011 09:19

Hmm, I agree that shocked and horrified is a bit much. Though excessive dummy use is linked with tooth problems and speech delay, so I kind of get the inwardly judging. Must be very difficult though if the child is very attached to it.

MaybeTomorrow · 01/06/2011 09:20

I think the problem is that people tend to base their view of others on their own experiences.

There are five of us and not one of us had a dummy. My Mum didn't agree with them. Of the 5 Grandchildren that she has, only one has a dummy. We are lucky that my DD didn't need one, but that's not to say that we wouldn't have used one if she had needed it. But all the time my siblings are saying to be younger Dsis (Mother of the DN with the dummy), it's about time you got rid of that - blah blah blah! He's only just turned 2.

Now, in fairness, I also used to feel like that aswell, but only because it's bred into me. But since having my DD and meeting loads of other Mums whose children have dummys, I have told me Dsis just to ignore what everyone else says and just to remove the dummy from DN when she's ready. My family is very judgemental and it took me to meet some other Mums and LOs to realise that life isn't always the way that you are made to believe it is...

Every child is different and all will progress in their own time.

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