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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it was a bit rude to bring a dog to our house without any notice

50 replies

Zone2mum · 31/05/2011 15:00

We had a few friends round at the weekend, most of whom had small children (age range from several weeks old to age 6). One friend turned up with a new dog (not yet house trained)without asking us if this was ok.
I have a bit of an aversion to dogs at the best of times, and DH and I are both allergic to them too.
I was thoroughly taken aback by it. To be fair, they mainly kept it in the garden, running around (where it was generally ok behaved but it did chase several toddlers, including mine, and scared them a bit) but it did roam about on our carpet a bit too, before being retrieved periodically.
I didn't huff and puff, but I do feel a bit miffed - am I being unreasonable to think this was a bit rude of my friend? (I had no idea she was into dogs - she's never owned one before and I didn't know she was getting one). (Even if she had asked, I am not sure if I would have found it in myself to say she couldn't bring it, as I would worry that was rude too...)

OP posts:

emptyshell · 31/05/2011 15:03

Hang on - the Tuesday dog-owner-bash thread's already been done for this week!

pjmama · 31/05/2011 15:03

YANBU - she should have asked first. And you would have been perfectly entitled to say no.

MonstaMunch · 31/05/2011 15:04

what sort of dog was it

Lunabelly · 31/05/2011 15:04

YANBU. Your gaff, your rules.

I personally find bringing dogs round to someone else's home weird and rude. Plus you have allergies. Nope, I think your friends were out of line there.

LadyWithNoManors · 31/05/2011 15:05

It wouldn't have set foot in my house.
So no YANBU.

OryxCrake · 31/05/2011 15:06

If you were going to visit someone and wanted to take another person with you, surely you'd say 'Is it OK if I bring X?' So it should be the same for a dog, surely. YANBU.

mousesma · 31/05/2011 15:08

It's not dog owner bashing, there are plenty of responsible owners out there who wouldn't do this. I think it is rude, my friend did this to me the other week and while I don't mind dogs at all my cat hates them and was so scared he ran away for the day.

maypole1 · 31/05/2011 15:10

Yes very rude they should of asked, I hope you said something so they know for next time.

pearlym · 31/05/2011 15:11

Not dog bashing at all. Why can't the OP ask this question wihtout being seen as a dog owner basher? OryxCrake is spot on- your friend should have said she planned to bring the dog and should have taken it wiht good grace had you asked her not to bring it.I would not want a dog in my house nor near a load of shouty toddlers who might over excite it.

Lunabelly · 31/05/2011 15:12

I have to say though, if anyone has a dog that chases tomcats away but likes ladycats, then please, come round, you are most welcome.

hazeyjane · 31/05/2011 15:15

Why is it dog owner bashing?

I don't think any of my dog owning friends would do this, it's just plain rude!

Rapaccioli · 31/05/2011 15:18

Now, I'd rather people brought their dogs round than their children. Far, far preferable. But, I suppose, if you're not of that persuasion you've every reason to be a bit put out by the owner's manners.

I must say that I'd never take my dogs to anyone else's house unless by invitation (although I wish they would follow the same practice with their children when visiting me). Neither would I just bring a friend or relative to others' homes without invitation or at least clearing it with them first.

Thinking about it, it seems clear that even badly behaved children are considered more welcome than well behaved dogs. Hmmm...

LordOfTheFlies · 31/05/2011 15:28

Rapaccioli if you invite someone to your house and you know they have children why would you not expect /welcome the children?

Relatives are different, I wouldn't expect a friend to just turn up with another adult, but adults and dogs can be left unlike children.Unless you specify its adults only

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 31/05/2011 15:29

A badly behaved child is unlikely to bolt into the back garden and eat your pet rabbit, unlike the unexpected and uninvited dog that was brought round to my mum and dad's a few years ago :(

katvond · 31/05/2011 15:31

We've got dogs and we would ask any guest we was visiting if it was ok, we'd never assume it was ok as not everyone is ok with it and as you said your allergic too. YANBU your house, your rules, so don't feel bad.

Rapaccioli · 31/05/2011 15:41

Expect, probably, because it's what people do. Welcome, no, not particularly. I'd much rather the company of a guest's dog than their (small) child. Older children, fine, if they have manners, the same as my adult guests. Younger ones, nope, not particularly welcome, I don't like other people's small children and no longer have any of my own.

hazeyjane · 31/05/2011 15:44

Sorry, but if you don't want their small children to come, then really you shouldn't ask them!

LordOfTheFlies · 31/05/2011 15:45

Rapaccoli are you Valhallas separated-at-birth-twin?

maypole1 · 31/05/2011 15:46

Not sure when I get invited I always say well I have the kids.

They will either say thats fine or it that case can we do another day My mate has four children so I would expect her to ask first

Rapaccioli · 31/05/2011 15:47

hazey, I don't!

LOTF, whose she when she's in the hall then?

stirlingstar · 31/05/2011 15:50

YANBU - we are also allergic to dogs and if someone turned up like this I'd ask them to keep dog in garden, and ideally tied up in garden to avoid poo issues / children chasing etc.

People I know who own dogs have done this before at our house, no probs. Including once or twice the dogs have turned up with them unannounced but the owner had offered this arrangement almost before I had opened the door.

NoWayNoHow · 31/05/2011 15:55

YANBU at all - as someone who's had dogs in the past, I would never have0 dreamt of just taking mine to someone else's house without at least checking with them first whether it'd be okay, mainly from the allergy perspective. Our friends also ask us first if it's fine to bring their dog/s round ours because of our DS (he's mildly allergic and also only 3.6yo)

I would have just thought it'd be common courtesy to check first, quite surprising that your mates didn't. Nothing you can do about it now though, just have a think about how you will deal with it in the future when you invite them over again.

Original poster

Zone2mum · 31/05/2011 16:49

Relieved that I am not alone in this opinion! Was so taken aback, I couldn't work out who was being unreasonable!
Think if they were to come again, I'd just have to say in advance not to bring the dog. Agree no point saying anything about it to her now, the moment has passed & I didn't say anything at the time as I was so astonished, beyond shrieking "You've got a dog!" in surprise when I saw it.
Will chalk it down to her proud new ownership trumping her realisation others may not be so enthused about it.

OP posts:

MollyMurphy · 31/05/2011 16:57

It is SO so so so so rude to bring a dog to someone else's house without asking first.

I'm sure people wouldn't appreciate it if I brought a cat around with me everywhere I went. Its not about dog/dog owner bashing - it just a question of good manners. Not everyone has to love and appreciate others pets.

MamaMary · 31/05/2011 17:04

YANBU

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