to leave my dc alone while i go out for the evening?

[heavyheartedfarted]

Have 4dc,younger 2 are staying with gp for 2 nights and as a newly single parent i would love to get out these nights.
So AIBU to leave dd 11 (12 in 5 weeks) and ds 13 alone for 4/5 hours whilst i go out with friends?They are both happy for this to happen and are very sensible but you read so many stories of parents getting in trouble for similar things,would love to know what age others think this is ok.

I think if it was just the 13 year old but leaving one in charge of the other because the ages are so close together the 13 is not going to have any authority over the 11 year old and anything that needs to be done is likey to lead to an argument.

For instance if you 11 year old refused to go to bed who would stop him not a 13 year old

And further more I don't think its fair to give a 13 year old that weight of looking after another child people are saying they were babysitting at 15 yeah 15 NOT 13

Please don't be tight and just pay some to watch the kids the kids are still very young and the age gap is not big enough for the 13 to hold anytime of weight

I wouldn't. We first left ours in the evening last year when they were 15 and 13.

And if this person is going to look in every hour WHY CANT SHE JUST WATCH THEM

My mate left her four alone and went out the oldest 14 locked himself in his bedroom with the xbox meanwhile the 7 year old drank1 bottle of cal pole and 1 bottle of some out of date antibiotics

She came back to vomiting 7 year old the middle two had gone next door and left the front door wide open and the oldest 14 was none the wiser had I pod in and playing x box

The hospital called ss and then had to explain why she left four children on their own

Poping out to the shops is one thing but going out for the evening which pro ably means the night is quite another

TAKEONBOARD, last time i looked, it is NOT illegal to leave children of any age, HOWEVER, should anything happen to them you are likely to be charged with child neglect/harm. this also applies if you leave your children with a babysitter of under 16. the sitter would not be considered a responsible person in law.
i am not a lawyer, i just looked into it during a very difficult school holiday child care panic.

Maypole-i am not tight thankyou and if money was an issue there is no way i would waste money going out if i could not afford a sitter !
My dc have been taught to respect their elders and if i am upstairs putting younger dc to bed and ds tells dd to do something she will,maybe i have been lucky.
I should of posted in op that i was prepared to get a babysitter,sorry.

I wouldn't, I don't think.
I've got a ds's 11.8 and 10, both are sensible independently, but together,some random tiny thing could set them off messing about hysterically or fighting.
Really depends on your dc

Don't worry heavyhearted-I think thatmost of realise it is a question of giving DCs responsibility, taking their feelings into consideration and feeling safe. It is difficult the first time you do it.

Thanks exotic,these are dc who regularly offer to cook tea,go to the shops,take younger dc to play in their rooms etc if they see that iam frazzled/down,without them i would not have got through the last 5 months.Thats why i feel a bit bad in forcing a babysitter on them .

Heavey hearted

That's when your their I am sure its a different matter when their alone

Even with my two playing the in the park when they didn't think i was looking my 11 year old tells 5 year old to do something lo says no your not mum then they proceed to get into a row

Maybe your children are very different to other kids

Can you not leave the 13 year old and put the 11 year old with next door

thanks stuffthenonsense so if "the authorities" know you have left kids home alone they are ok with it as long as they don't come to any harm?

Yes so basically your taking the risk you can leave them but prepare for the aftermath if anything goes wrong thats why most parents just opt for a sitter

maypole-i got back today after leaving ds for 3 hours whilst took little ones to park,he tidied up the lounge,cooked a pizza for lunch and washed up ,cooking the pizza is all i had asked him to do.Have said all dc are different my 5 year old ds is like tazmanian devil and i doubt he will ever be able to be left at home he just has a totally different character to elder 2.

maypole-how old are your dc? I dont think most people opt for a sitter as all my friends in rl with dc of similar ages leave their dc for few hours in evening,this is why i posted here to get a more varied view.

I would, but I am known for my exasperation with Anxious Society. And I also let a sleeping baby sleep in my car on our driveway, allow the older 2 to walk to the local shops, positively encourage tree climbing etc etc, so shoot me .
My eldest is 8 so obviously the OP's scenario has not been an issue for us yet.

I totally agree that this is not about how old they are exactly, but what kind of children they are and you as their mother will know them best.

FWIW, my brother and I were left on our own for about 3 hours 1x/month when we were about 12 and 10. The worst we got up to was to watch TV when we were ment to be in bed - we were caught every single time as the Friday night movie always ended just after my parents were due back in and we could never bear to switch off just before the solution .

Well like I said how about leaving the 13 year old then next time once you see he's ok with it leaving him with the younger one.

Not sure why it all has to happen at once can't it be gradual thing see how it goes I am not saying he's a flake but little steps better gradual responsibly than too much too soon

Mine is 11 I would leave for a couple of hours in the day but never at night might dip our toes in with that when Los 13 and we defo wont be leaving lo charge of younger child till at least 16

You now them, but 13 & 12. Yes why not?

I would. My parents were dance teachers and went out 2 or 3 nights a week. From the age of 11 I didnt want to go, and stayed at home on my own, quite happily (and safely).

I think leaving him alone would be more neglectful then leaving with dd who at 21months younger is going to see that as unfair.
It is not all of a sudden they have been left for periods of a few hours in the day,an hour in evenings,they go to secondary school in a different county involving 2 bus journeys and 50 minutes travel am sure that poses a lo more risks.

Any way hh their your kids if anything goes wrong you will have to explain why a 13 year old was left in charge of a 11 year old

Good luck I hope it all works out and don't stress best thing is to make choice and stick with it

I was looking after my 3 month old baby brother at 13....he and I both survived

everything-yes i have always realised they were good,but like i say its luck as i have a wild 5yr old,friends always commented on how well behaved they are and at school.This thread has just made me think about how lucky i am.
i should have put more in my op eg had offered babysitter,were used to be left etc.Your right they see it as a treat being left alone and it shows how much i do trust them.

I left mine, aged 12 and 10 to go to a Mumsnet meet up! To be fair, I was five minutes away and was only gone about 2 1/2 hours. They had popcorn and a dvd and were fine. I trusted them to behave and they did. I think it depends on the children.