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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my dc alone while i go out for the evening?

117 replies

heavyheartedfarted · 30/05/2011 19:30

Have 4dc,younger 2 are staying with gp for 2 nights and as a newly single parent i would love to get out these nights.
So AIBU to leave dd 11 (12 in 5 weeks) and ds 13 alone for 4/5 hours whilst i go out with friends?They are both happy for this to happen and are very sensible but you read so many stories of parents getting in trouble for similar things,would love to know what age others think this is ok.

OP posts:
cannydoit · 30/05/2011 19:51

i was babysitting at the age of 13. i think you are fine so long as they can contact you if they need to. go and have fun and trust the kids you have raised people that need babysitters at that age obviously dont have faith in their kids.

exoticfruits · 30/05/2011 19:52

while you are out they could be watching all sorts of violent and /or sexual stuff on tv
doing inappropriate stuff on the computer
taking risks in the kitchen
fighting
etc etc

If you have DCs like this then don't do it. Mine are not and I would.Have high expectations and they will live up to it. Expect the worst and you will get it!

GypsyMoth · 30/05/2011 19:53

dd's 16 and 14
ds's 12....and 8 and 3 who dont get left alone,but eldest will babysit them if the 14 yr old is out!!

14 yr old is troublemaker,so wouldnt go out and leave her in with any other dc's

NettoSuperstar · 30/05/2011 19:57

I would if they are sensible.
I have one DD, she's 9.

I let her stay alone with her friend all day last week (8.30-3), with me 3 doors away.

Bumply · 30/05/2011 19:57

I leave my ds1 aged 13 and ds2 aged 9 for a couple of hours when I do my pottery class. Ds1 normally has his 16 year old friend with him, and they have my number or can contact several neighbours if need be. They tend to Be glued to their pcs or the tv. Apart from eating crisps and biscuits they don't use the kitchen. They are more likely to fight if I'm there to be wound up by it.

exoticfruits · 30/05/2011 19:58

Know your DCs -there is no one rule or a magic age.

stuffthenonsense · 30/05/2011 19:59

i wouldnt, for two reasons

  1. i think they are too young - i know you say you leave them in the day, but night time is a whole new ball game, it really is
  2. your post says you are newly single, i dont know you or the childrens father obviously, you do, but if the father found out about this, and things became bitter between you, have no doubt that this would be used against you.
i really would find a babysitter, or send them to GPs too. you dont need to give up nights out and i am quite sure you need one Smile
carabos · 30/05/2011 20:00

OP, you say your DS loves it that you trust him and knows that if he breaks that trust you won't allow him to be alone again - but I don't understand why you are making you leaving him alone a matter of trust for him iyswim? You choose to leave him, then demand that he behaves in a certain way as if you are doing him a favour? I don't get it.

WowOoo · 30/05/2011 20:00

I have to say that my near fire that I mentioned above was one incident from hours of being left alone and being fine. I used to love it. Music on loud....
Do what you feel is right.

KoolAidKid · 30/05/2011 20:01

I was babysitting for very young children at the age of 13 too!

I don't know your children, but if they're sensible and get on well with each other I would. Make sure they have your phone number and know to ring it if anything happens or if they're worried - make sure you remember to check your phone when you're out. And tell your neighbour so if anything happens they can go there for help / reassurance.

NettoSuperstar · 30/05/2011 20:02

That was 8.30am-3pm.
They watched DVDs and ate chocolate spread sarnies, and a few ice lollies.

The friends Mum was at work, I knew that and was happy for DD to go.
They knew where I was if they needed me.

They didn't, and they knew if they just came to say Hi to me, I'd foist fruit on themGrin

tallulahxhunny · 30/05/2011 20:02

well excuse me for getting something wrong, i dont leave my children alone so wouldnt know, and i did say "i think" ffs

stuffthenonsense · 30/05/2011 20:02

meant to say, my dcs are 16,14,13 and baby 11m, i was once also a single parent needing nights out. hope it works out for you

stoppinchingthedummy · 30/05/2011 20:03

My mum used to do this when i was 12 and my siblings were a bit younger ..just for a couple of hours and i always said i didnt mind but in truth when i look back i was frightened ,i used to count down the hours till she got back and sometimes cry so please dont leave them alone just yet they are still just young children.

Original poster
heavyheartedfarted · 30/05/2011 20:03

Thanks for all the replies,am still not sure.
exotic-thats the thing each child is different ,they are great dc who help me so much with the little dc and house chores,they really are great.dd can be a bit of stroppy girl but ds has been a caring,honest child since he was little,my other ds 5 is so wild he will need a sitter till he leaves home.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 30/05/2011 20:06

Mine were actually better when I was out-they kept the arguments until I was back. You can't make a hard and fast rule. Have you got a close neighbour who could check on them?

HerBeX · 30/05/2011 20:07

I think you're best placed to say whether your kids can be left tht long. I too was babysitting kids at 13, but they were much younger kids and had some respect for me because I was the babysitter, not their big sister, IYSWIM. I personally wouldn't leave them for longer than a couple of hours, but maybe that's because mine are a bit younger (12 and 9) and the younger one won't do as the older one says so i feel it's unfair to lumber him with the responsibility. But your kids may be different and get on really well and rise to the responsibility challenge, so your call really. You know your kids best.

SoupDragon · 30/05/2011 20:07

Personally I think they're too young.

Checkmate · 30/05/2011 20:11

I would build up to it gradually, if I were you. So, one evening going over to a friends for 2 hours max the first time, then coming home and making sure they had followed the rules while you were gone, and felt confident and fine. Assuming all good, going for longer the next time, and so on.

I wouldn't go out and get drunk, as your impaired judgment might then mean you miss their phone call in an emergency, or arrive home late and they're scared.

BlackSwan · 30/05/2011 20:14

My parents definitely left us at this age. Is the world really that different now? Or are our perceptions different.

baboos · 30/05/2011 20:14

For me, no night our would be worth leaving them on their own if something were to happen. My niece is 13, she's a lovely sensible girl, most of the time, but you have to consider how they would cope should something go wrong etc.

Get a sitter.....you will enjoy it better.

cat64 · 30/05/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 30/05/2011 20:15

Too young get a sitter

Original poster
heavyheartedfarted · 30/05/2011 20:17

carabos-am a bit confused by your post,i asked my ds today if he wanted to come out with us or stay here or go to his nans he chose to stay here alone,i expect him to behave as he would if i was here if he cant do that then next time he will come to the park.
tallulah-i did not know till recently it was not illegal.
To be clear i did say i would get a family friend to babysit but they were mortified that i would not trust them,i have also suggested a friends dd 17 comes and sits round,if i was sure of the right thing i would not be asking opinions.
Stuff-The 2 younger dc have a different dad so are going to stay with his mum not possible for elder 2 to go.

OP posts:
motherchuffer · 30/05/2011 20:19

No way.If anything happened you would never forgive yourself.