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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put 2.5yo DD in a high chair in a restaurant

116 replies

Amateurish · 30/05/2011 17:28

Whenever we go out as a family to a restaurant, I always put DD in a highchair. She probably could use a normal chair but it might be less comfortable for her with the height of the table and it makes life easier for us as she stays put.

Reason for question is that we went for sunday lunch yesterday, booked in advance including a high chair. Part way through meal, a woman asks quite abruptly that we give her the highchair as our DD is quite old enough to sit on a normal chair. The cafe has run out of highchairs apparently and her granddaughter (about 1.5 I'd guess) is on her father's lap. We I refuse to turf DD out of said highchair, she accuses us of being selfish and storms off.

My initial thought was that she was being rude and U. On further thought, now wondering if DD is indeed too old for highchair.

MN jury?

OP posts:
nenevomito · 30/05/2011 17:48

Like other posters YANBU for using a high chair for your DD, but I probably would have given it up if there was a much younger child who needed it.

Was it the way she asked that put you off, or was she only abrupt when you said no? I can kind of see their point of view too. You had two high chairs, one of which was being used by a child who could have sat on a normal chair, and they had none. Even with the booking, it probably wouldn't have killed you to share.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 17:52

I'm going to give it a they WBU actually.

I don't think it's right in a restaurant to intrude on someone elses family meal, to ask them to hand over something that they are obviously using. If you didn't need the highchair then you wouldn't be using it, you obviously had your reasons for putting DD in a highchair rather than a normal chair, so she shouldn't have asked.

Easy peasy Smile

TattyDevine · 30/05/2011 17:52

Fair play to you for booking it but you were basically using up 2 of their limited high chair stash which is fine if nobody is left stranded, but in that situation it wouldn't have hurt you to give it up.

If she asked in a really arsey or entitled fashion I would have been tempted to politely decline I suppose because behaviour breeds behaviour but if not, at that age it really would not have hurt to put her on a normal chair.

I dont think you were majorly unreasonable and you were certainly not "wrong" as such but you were not as empathatic as you could have been. It could have been your good deed for the day...

lljkk · 30/05/2011 17:53

If she had asked nicely I would have let her have it. But if she was horrid in her manner of asking then tough cahooties.

Original poster
Amateurish · 30/05/2011 17:54

The way she asked did put me off but I probably would have said no anyway. To be fair, the baby's mother looked pretty apologetic when the granny stormed off.

OP posts:
Meglet · 30/05/2011 17:55

yanbu. You'd booked it.

My DD still sits in high-chairs in restaurants, she runs off if she isn't in lockdown.

ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell · 30/05/2011 17:57

YANBU They should have booked an high chair if they wanted one.

Original poster
Amateurish · 30/05/2011 17:59

It could have been my good deed but I didn't really have a chance to think about that. I was mid mouthful, the lady said "your daughter looks quite big enough to sit in her own seat, can I have it please". She didn't say - my granddaughter is really struggling, it would be really kind if...

OP posts:
GrownUpNow · 30/05/2011 18:00

I don't think you ABU.

My DD is nearly three and she is still in a highchair for all meals, at home and out and about. She never sits still (for anything) and she never concentrates on eating, the only way to have her eat a decent amount and not disappear off every two seconds is to strap her in.

If you booked first, then I would say it's your highchair for the duration of your meal.

Gastonladybird · 30/05/2011 18:00

Did she even say please? But I don't see why upu should give up something you ordered or be made to sacrifice as restaurant doesn't have enough(agree with poster who Said it's not hard to have a lot of boosters).

TattyDevine · 30/05/2011 18:02

Yeah, she sounded like a jobsworth, like she'd already judged you for using a high chair and was channeling that judgeypants in her not quite polite request.

I reckon you did the right thing, even if it wasn't the most kindest empathatic thing in the world. You probably would have regretted it if you had, you probably would barely have got a thanks and she probably would have gone huffing back to her table with "well, of course I got it off her, utterly ridiculous" etc and you would have wished you'd not bothered!

helenthemadex · 30/05/2011 18:07

I think the grandmother was BU, even if I needed a highchair I would not be rude enough to intrude on another families meal, she is not in a position to judge if your daughter needed the highchair or not

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 30/05/2011 18:07

i agree with SardineQueen, she was the one BU by intruding. If you booked it and needed it, have it. She sounds like a right besom btw.

deaconblue · 30/05/2011 18:09

I always put dd in a highchair at restaurants and she's 3. It's easier for her to reach and we all have a more comfortable time. YANBU because you booked the highchair in advance, the woman should have done the same

moomaa · 30/05/2011 18:11

Her party should have gone elsewhere. On a bank holiday in a bookable restuarant she should have booked too.

Having said that I would probably have let her have it if she asked nicely.

We have one of those high chair in a bag things. Am making a mental note to find it and bung it in the car now DD is weaning. A bit pants for a 5 month old but better than nothing.

Sirzy · 30/05/2011 18:16

It's a hard one but I would have probably given them the chair. I was in a restaurant with limited chairs when Ds was just turned one and was very grateful to the family who took there 2 year old out of the seat and offered it to us. Before I accepted I checked they were sure about it and he would be ok. Listening to him he thought it was great being on a big boy chair!

MonstaMunch · 30/05/2011 18:17

did you book two highchairs

Jaspants · 30/05/2011 18:20

Different if your DD was not using it / had finished her meal etc - ywnbu

sticksuphigh · 30/05/2011 18:21

Why should the OP have to carry a booster seat?

By that token the other family should have been carrying one of those portable fabric highchairs that .

Carrotsandcelery · 30/05/2011 18:21

YANBU

You booked the highchairs and they didn't.

If she had asked nicely I might have given her the chair, it would have depended on the speed of service and how co operative my dd was being.

I don't see why you should have your meal ruined, having forseen the problem and booked a high chair.

FWIW it is also easier to manage a small child on your knee than a larger child being difficult in a restaurant so I am not sure her need was greater either!

scarletfingernail · 30/05/2011 18:23

Your child's age is irrelevant. You booked it in advance to make things easier for you and your child.

Even if you hadn't booked it, you were still using it and to interrupt your meal was rude to begin with before she even made her parting comment

Her rudeness would do nothing to convince me I was in the wrong.

If the restaurant does not have enough highchairs that is not your fault or problem. They agreed you could use one.

OTOH if I could see someone else was struggling I would offer them the highchair as soon as my DC had finished eating. Not this woman though.

Original poster
Amateurish · 30/05/2011 18:31

Yep - booked two highchairs. They were waiting for us on arrival.

Looks like MN jury is a majority decision NBU - makes me feel better about it!

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 30/05/2011 18:34

If you pre-book a meal there is a presumption that all parties on the booking will be able to enjoy their meal in comfort particularly if you have specifically requested high/different chairs for those who need them irrespective of their age.

In your case the restaurant/cafe has not made sufficient provision for its younger customers, and the woman who summarily demanded one of your high chairs was out of order as she should have addressed her request to a staff member.

Had she done so, it may be that one of the staff would have asked if you could manage without your dd's high chair and, had you complied, I would hope you'd have been offered a complimentary something on the house or a small reduction on the bill by way of apology for the restaurant's lack of foresight.

IMO you've not been at all unreasonable but, given that numerous UK eateries are not particularly child-friendly, it may be advisable to take a booster seat with you for your dd purely to guard against the black looks of those who, unlike myself, see no reason why you should have 2 high chairs for your dcs.

Eglu · 30/05/2011 18:37

I'm only saying YANBU because of the way the woman asked you. If she had been more polite I really think you should have given up the highchair as I think 2.5 is perfectly old enough to use a normal chair.

TidyDancer · 30/05/2011 18:39

I think you could've been kind and given up the highchair since you didn't actually need it. But the woman's attitude would've prevented me from giving her to her tbh. If she had asked nicely, that would've been different. Yes, you booked and had it first, but your need was far less than the other family's, so all things being equal and friendly, I would've handed over the highchair.

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