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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I behind in the times or am I right to think this is a big NO NO

149 replies

Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 17:07

Was just on UK hot deals and a link of Ann Summers came up. I clicked on it as it had 75% off. Started browsing and came across school uniforms. Why on earth would a grown adult want to dress as a school girl. It's morally wrong to me. I know I'm am being very unreasonable but needed to rant about it.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:06

"I do think men find young women attractive. And a lot of women find young men attractive."

I don't know any women who find 14 or 15 yo boys attractive. Men in their late teens and early 20s, maybe. But not younger.

sharted · 30/05/2011 22:06

Most people have their first sexual experiences while they are school age don't they? I know I did. I don't find school uniforms attractive but still have a strange fondness for the smell of cheap cider and cigarettes...

madonnawhore · 30/05/2011 22:09

I asked a male friend about the whole school girl uniform thing a while ago and he said it wasn't about women being child like or anything like that, it was because most men couldn't get girlfriends when they were at school because they were too gangly, awkward and ugly; so it's like a chance to make up for it!

Still seems a bit odd to me, but it's not necessarily about sinister latent paedophilia.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:09

ohmyfucksy the culture that we are in normalises predatory male behaviour towards females post -puberty, and this "schoolgirl look" is a symptom of it. Which is why I find it distasteful.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 22:09

You are being deliberatly obtuse. If you don't like the idea that men fantasise about school girls, that's one thing. But pretending you don't understand something pretty bloody obvious and getting others to explain it to you is a waste of a good debate, which you could have simply started by explaining why you feel it's wrong to fantisise about young girls. It's all theoretical, as it's such a common fantasy you're hardly going to stop people doing it, but it could be an interesting conversation if you hadn't spent 5 pages playing dumb.

ohmyfucksy · 30/05/2011 22:11

I definitely remember some women on here confessing to guilty crushes on Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Robert Pattinson when they were about 15/16 and playing schoolboys in Harry Potter...

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:14

Serenity are you serious?

You seem very worked up about this and your posts contradict themselves, I am having trouble following your train of thought, although you seem very sure of whatever it is you are trying to say.

If you think it is OK that underage girls are seen as "fair game" in our society, then I disagree with you. I'm not sure that is what you are trying to say though Confused

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:17

ohmyfucksy the difference is that 14/15 yo schoolboys are not catcalled, wolf whistled, groped, followed, flashed at, propositioned and so on, regularly, by much older women. Groups of women do not openly ogle 14yo schoolboys on the way to school. That is not seen as "normal". The other way around is seen as "normal", because there is a certain acceptance that girls this age are "fair game".

If none of this stuff happened then dressing up in school uniform would be neither here nor there.

Tambern · 30/05/2011 22:19

Punkpixie has it right. What most people are missing here, is the connotations of the other half of the equation. It's not sexy schoolgirl has sex with average man, in a roleplay scenario, it's sexy schoolgirl has sex with teacher or person in position of authority. Thus the 'naughty girl' part of it. In other words much more of a D/s vibe that comes from giving one person hypothetical power over the other.

I find it remarkably creepy, and would run a mile from anyone who asked me to wear one in a sexual fashion. It's absolutely weird, because the whole vibe is not 'oh harking back to youth,' it's the idea of youth, inexperience and power that really gets people off.

Also people are getting hung up on the age thing. The majority of school uniform wearers are 16 or under. The majority. Are we saying there is an invisible cutoff line for men? That a girl who is 16 is fair game, but the 15 yr old isn't? Let's just accept it. Any girl young enough to be wearing a school uniform is not fair sexual prey for someone who is over a certain age. And the idea of asking your mature partner to emulate that is quite frankly insulting. It's very different from other roleplay. Because the majority of those girls wearing school uniform are vulnerable, legally and morally off bounds to you.

Nurses, policewomen etc all have one thing in common, they're grown adults. SchoolGIRLS by their very name aren't.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:20

I mean, the phrase "sexy schoolboy" isn't in common parlance, is it.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 22:21

Well we're going round in circles so let's just leave it.

Tambern · 30/05/2011 22:23

Oh and one more thing. I developed at the age of 11, by the age of 13 I had D breasts (on a slim body) and from the age of 12 I was hassled (while in school uniform) by several men. Despite my body I had a very very young face, and was quite obviously no older than my age, and yet from 12 I had to deal with complete strangers thinking it was okay to ogle and make comments. That's disgusting. And yes my uniform was traditional- skirt, shirt, tie, blazer, knee socks etc, and yes I think the pornification of the schoolgirl idea, had made it far more acceptable to find me sexually attractive at a very young age.

mayorquimby · 30/05/2011 22:27

I like it. don't see ow you can class consenting adults engaging in role-play sex as 'morally wrong'

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:31

Good posts tambern.

ohmyfucksy · 30/05/2011 22:39

Well, I'm not creeped out by the fact that he asked me to dress up St Trinians style. I think it was just the fact that we had seen the film on telly, and he thought the actresses looked hot, which they do, and that I looked like Talulah Riley (which I don't particularly). Their costumes aren't particularly different from other 'sexy' dress-up things, like secretary or nurse.

nightowlmostly · 30/05/2011 23:50

I haven't read all posts, but my theory is that it reminds men of when they first started to get sexual feelings for girls, and that turns them on. You know, the first crush etc, the first kiss.

Also, actual school uniforms aren't sexy, the pretend versions are the ones that get sold in Ann Summers, tiny skirts and tight shirts. It's a bit naughty but harmless, I reckon.

OldMacEIEIO · 30/05/2011 23:59

i wonder what the men buy at their Pete Summers parties ?
Stained Y fronts and string vests probbly

manicinsomniac · 31/05/2011 00:50

The sexy school girl thing is jut a costume. I'm surprised that its existence surprises people. Didn't your unis have regular 'back to school' type club nights (maybe mine was the weird one if not - we had them once a term or so). I think it's fairly harmless fun. And actually the guys wore school uniforms too.

In terms of men fancying young girls though, a very drunk male colleague of mine once came out with, "If there's grass on the pitch play on". I was the only female present and his comment was met with uproarious laughter. I was so disgusted I left.
But women fancy 16/17 year olds boys quite often too to be fair.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 31/05/2011 01:34

Maybe because consenting adults enjoy a bit of role play.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 31/05/2011 01:35

Ban fireman costumes. It's terribly abusive to the poor firemen. Get a grip.

BitOfFun · 31/05/2011 02:09

There are all sorts of sexual fetishes and fantasies that have their route in early childhood experiences which are associated with sexual awakening. School uniforms is just one.

That is separate from the general fascination with youth in our culture (which is at least partly biologically-driven), and from the sexist set-up we have developed where some men, whatever their age, feel entitled to sexually harass and dominate all women, including less confident teenage girls.

All these factors drive the enduring appeal of the school uniform. It is only emphasised about girls rather than boys because the other way round wouldn't fit the way we structure what is an acceptable version of female sexuality. Most fetishes aren't.

The quirks that women are 'allowed' to bond over fit the dominant cultural narrative, like needing protection, hence fancying firefighters etc. Likewise, men get channelled into fantasies of sub figures like schoolgirls, or nurturers such as nurses.

That's not the whole story, because it's a complicated subject, but it explains a lot of it.

MadamMemoo · 31/05/2011 12:23

Sardinequeen, I agree with everything you've said on this thread. Total respect to you!

whitechocolatebuttons · 31/05/2011 12:34

jaspants true. Nurses outfits are usually a scratchy pair of pants and a practical tunic. schoolkids wear polo shirts and trousers. Not seen a maid in a while but i'm pretty sure they don't wear tight black satin frocks with a frilly apron and stockings and carry a perky feather duster. I still think its weird for grown women to wear a "child costume" - as weird as seeing pics of middle-aged men in a big nappy shudder

JessicaDrew · 01/06/2011 07:56

i like to dress up as a maid for DH, but its a good job he's not head of the European money system Grin

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