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AIBU?

Am I behind in the times or am I right to think this is a big NO NO

149 replies

Mollydollydoll · 30/05/2011 17:07

Was just on UK hot deals and a link of Ann Summers came up. I clicked on it as it had 75% off. Started browsing and came across school uniforms. Why on earth would a grown adult want to dress as a school girl. It's morally wrong to me. I know I'm am being very unreasonable but needed to rant about it.

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SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:04

The people who are saying that it is not true that lots of men fancy schoolgirls are strangely silent on why a paper with a circulation of millions ran a countdown to a girl exposing her breasts on her 16th birthday.

I will keep banging on about it until someone who claims that men don't generally fancy girls this age, explains why then the Sun did that.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:05

What relevance does that have? Isn't it obvious it's sexual attraction being referred to? YOU are bringing non sexual attraction into the debate, noone else.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:07

I am confused about the argument. There seem to be two strands of thought:

Men don't fancy teenaged girls, "sexy schoolgirl" has nothing to do with that, so it's not a problem.

or

Of course men fancy teenaged girls, so what, dressing up as a sexy schoolgirl is fine as schoolgirls are sexy (apart from the ugly ones), what's the problem.

So the two groups who agree with each other, have the absolute polar opposite views, which is interesting.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:08

With serenity being a strong advocate of argument 2, obviously.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:10

I don't think you're understanding the thread, tbh.

PunkPixie · 30/05/2011 21:11

YANBU not to like it but YABU to not understand why other people do. It's a role play outfit designed for adults to act out what is a very common fantasy.

I'd say that the naughty school girl thing more reflects a sub/dom scenario. Again, very common and nothing at all to do with paedophilia.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:12

Serenity I have looked at your posts and you haven't really said what you think. You are arguing but have not "set out your stall". I have said what I think, quite clearly I hope. What do you think?

cannydoit · 30/05/2011 21:12

well if you have boo you are confusing the hell out of me, ok so once more so i can understand, your op said that if a person wanted someone in school uniform they had fantasy's of being with a child sexually, now you are saying that its wrong to ask someone to look like a child in a sexual scenario. now i am asking you to clear it up because having been told that no one said that every man that asked his partner to dress up as a school girl fantasised about kids, it looks to me like you did but are now back tracking but i may be wrong and possibly grinding an axe for no reason.

ohmyfucksy · 30/05/2011 21:13

I have dressed up as a schoolgirl in the past because my OH asked me to. I did wonder whether it was a bit creepy, but actually he didn't want me to look like a genuine child who is still at school (although I still get ID'd and am a lot younger than him) - he wanted me to look like the girls in St Trinians who are supposed to be in the Sixth Form anyway (and therefore legal) and the actresses are all in their twenties.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:19

Ok try another way.

Do people on the thread think that there is a problem in our society with girls over about 13 being perceived as "sexy" and "fair game" for older men?

If so, is that problem assisted by the fact that the "sexy schoolgirl" is an accepted and normal sexual fantasy / look in our society.

Is it OK that "schoolgirl" is shorthand for "sexy"?

BooyHoo · 30/05/2011 21:20

wanting someone to look like a child in a sexual scenario is seriously creepy. having a sexual fantasy of a child is seriosuly creepy. i see little difference between the two, one is a progession of the other. if someone asked me to wear a schoolgirl outfit in a sexual scenario i could only imagine it was because they wanted me to look, funnily enough, like a schoolgirl in a sexual scenario.

PunkPixie · 30/05/2011 21:32

sardinequeen good question. Ultimately, people are responsible for their own actions. "Society made me do it" might seem like a good line for laying the blame elsewhere but I think there is a massive difference between a girl dressing for school and a woman dressing for sex. Anyone not able to see that line is probably going o cross it no matter what the girl is wearing.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:40

I suppose for me there is a real problem in our society (well in most societies TBH) with the way that girls are viewed once they are past puberty, looking at grooming and how rape is handled and looked at and how girls are exposed (ha!) to a lot of inappropriate and / or illegal sexual behaviour and at the more minor end of the scale this is seen as normal.

There was a thread on here recently where a headmaster had wanted to change the girls uniform to stop them "attracting the wrong sort of attention" and there seems to be general acceptance of the idea that underage girls are "fair game" if their breasts have developed, that sort of thing.

So from my point of view the prevalence of the "sexy schoolgirl" image and the fact that is is absolutely accepted as "normal" feeds into all these problems that actual schoolgirls experience. If it is in the background of our everyday lives that schoolgirls are "sexy" then when one gets treated that way, be it propositioned or groped or whatever, people find it harder to get outraged because a small part of them understands that these girls are, indeed, sexy. That school uniform is, actually, sexy.

So while I absolutely agree that what two adults get up to in private isn't going to harm anyone, I do believe that the wider acceptance of this "look" as shorthand for "sexy" is extremely problematical.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:43

I think it's an extremely common fantasy, and like all fantasies, bears little relation to reality. I don't think it means older men generally* want relationships with 15 YO girls and I think the reality of sex with a 15yo would be very undesirable to an older man, but that doesn't affect the fantasy.
I also think men and women alike appriciate the attractiveness of youth.

One of the most common female fantasies is rape- do you seriously think these women are attracted the reality of rape? Of course not.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:44

If fairly large numbers of adult men didn't find schoolgirls sexually attractive, if it was genuinely unusual, then this "look" for dressing up wouldn't be a problem for me.

But then if fairly large numbers of adult men didn't find schoolgirls sexually attractive, then the "look" wouldn't exist.

Even if all of the men who find schoolgirls sexually attractive kept it to themselves and didn't do anything leery or harrassy or worse, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.

But while those things do happen all the bleeding time, I have a problem with this "look". It's all tied together.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:45

a few do, of course, however as a 15 yo girl once myself I know they tend to be inadequete types who could not attract a woman of their own age.

mumtwil · 30/05/2011 21:45

wow.

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:47

Serenity you seem to be missing the point (presumably deliberately) that an awful lot of men do find schoolgirls over about 13 sexually attractive, and are happy to express that attraction to the schoolgirls in question.

And STILL no-one has explained why if in fact men really don't actually fancy girls that age, and it's all just a fantasy, the SUN ran that countdown thing.

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:53

Is this a joke? Have I or have I not said all along men and women alike find youth attractive? You can see where I said that, can't you???????

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 21:55

And ffs once again I will explain why they ran the count down thing. Because lots of men like firm tits! On young women. Ok? Will you stop asking now?

SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 21:55

So you think that men definitely do find teenage girls sexually attractive

But at the same time you think that most of them definitely don't

And either way none of it is a problem.

Is that it? Your ideas seem confused.

BooyHoo · 30/05/2011 22:01

it wasn't about firm breasts!! it was her age. the whole thing was because 16 was the earliest point they could legally show her breasts in the paper. none of the readers knew if her breasts were firm or not, they knew it was the youngest they could legally look at her breasts. it was her age taht was teh seller.

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SardineQueen · 30/05/2011 22:02

Righty-ho. Thank you for the answer about the Sun. So lots of men do in fact actually fancy underage girls. Sorry, girls who have stopped being underage by 1 day. And that's absolutely fine.

So schoolgirls are sexy, and propagating that idea is absolutely not harmful in any way to anyone. It is right and proper that men get plenty of young firm tits to look at, this is not going to cause any problems for any actual teenage girls and their tits, at all, of course not.

My friend developed large breasts quite young, when she was 14 the bus driver told her he would let her off her fare if she showed him her tits. Is this (very common) sort of thing a problem? NO! Because schoolgirls are sexy and what are men supposed to do when confronted with the prospect of firm young tits? It's all just a healthy, normal bit of fun, dontchaknow.

Glad we've got that all cleared up then, great.

ohmyfucksy · 30/05/2011 22:03

I do think men find young women attractive. And a lot of women find young men attractive. There is something beautiful about youth - firm, clear skin, energy, enthusiasm etc.

I don't think my husband actually wants to have sex with a child.

ohmyfucksy · 30/05/2011 22:06

There's a difference between finding someone or something attractive and being predatory, threatening and aggressive.

Most men find women attractive, and that is OK. It does not mean that sexual assault is OK.

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