To want to throttle women who talk their kids in REALLY LOUD VOICES

[bbird1]

in public for no apparent reason. It's just bloody annoying. Just pipe down ffs!

One of the posters earlier with a child with SEN said she had been accused in public three times of 'performance parenting'. So clearly the people who were unpleasant to her couldn't tell the difference...

OK, suppose you have an ASD parent with the child? And that parent is talking in a manner you consider showing off... then what?

Or the dyspraxic parent who has poor control over THE VOLUME at which she speaks so she ACCIDENTALLY puts EMPHASIS on words, and unintentionally uses elaborate words because that is how she's used to speaking? Please tell me how you can tell the difference. Because I've asked 3 times, and you haven't answered yet...

What if you know the child, and the parent?
What if you are related to them.
What if you know that there are no SN and that the parent is a pretentious twit?
Is it OK then?

Goblinchild, I reckon that's ok. Judgeypants ahoy... I mean if you can't judge your relations where's the fun in life?

Agree with Porpoise... I judge SIL on a VERY regular basis And vice versa, I suspect...

If you know the people then of course you know if they are showing off. We can all judge if we know the facts.

But with regard to strangers then there is no way of knowing what's really going on unless you have psychic powers. Best not to judge in that case.

Fuck me, Don'tcallmepeanut, is that a sign of parents with aspergers? because I do that all the time. I will be far too loud (my voice volume frequently gets out of my control, especially if I'm excited, or somewhere loud, which of course is always in public) and I do use elaborate words because I kind of forget that my children are five and eight and I struggle to adjust my tone to a 'child' tone. Ds1 is also ASD.....

I also look around the other adults - o see if we have been 'noticed' and if they are staring, because if that's the case, we need to leavce.

What Fernie said. And SWC.

DS doesn't have SN of any description but being a needy little fecker high maintenance I am no doubt often in situations which appear like "performance parenting" to others. Couldn't give a fuck tbh, and better that than the other extreme - totally ignoring child who wants to ask a perfectly reasonable question or god forbid just interact with their parent, and then hollering at them when they start acting up to entertain themselves. Which is what DS would do if I ignored him.

No, I'm not saying it's a sign of ASD, at all.

I had referred to it being down to my dyspraxia... (please re-read... I had mentioned...) My point was, these parents animation is so keen to judge may also have their own reasons for talking it what animation deems a showy off parent manner.

Oh, while I was composing that justabout described it much better.

Sorry DCMP, I misunderstood.

I think ASD parents are RIGHT to point out that some children on the autistic spectrum need to be spoken to in a specific way, and might be worried that that you'll be tarred with the same brush, as loud showing off kind of parents.

I don't think it's true on this thread though that parents here are insensitively confusing genuine senarios, with the problem adult behaviour I'm talking about.

Some adults are the centre of their own world, and they are all about image and they are NOT hard to spot - like the lady in the post office - who I doubt is an ASD parent.

On the train heading to DDs weekly speech therapy, I have to stimulate her constantly. It is early, she is nervous and always gets overcome with shyness the minute we arrive. In order to achieve the best in the 45 minute slot we get, DD (4) needs to arrive confident, awake and raring to go.

The only way to acheive this is to talk her through every stage of the train journey, take books to read, talk through the previous day events or news we might want to tell the SALT (speeds up the ice breaker for her and enables more intense work within the time limit) and generally be loud, exciting and nurturing. I'm sure it does piss people off at that time in the morning, esp. as DD is loud and unintelligible.
The looks I get are outrageous, tutting and eye rolling and I have now actually had someone say, loudly, "Give it a rest would you?" DD can hear perfectly well, so she knew our actions had pissed someone else off and seeing her shoulders and head drop I knew this weeks visit would be a write off, I may as well have turned around and gone home. I sat staring out of the window with tears rolling down my cheeks. 'Performance bitch' either failed to notice her impact or didn't care.

I say again, I couldn't give a shit what anyone (bar my DCs) think of my parenting style and frankly I think it's outrageous that anyone else would think to comment. It's horrendous. Even if these other mothers are doing it to make themselves feel like parent extraordinaires, why is that such a bother for you all? Just walk away It is not your business how they raise their DCs.

I hope one day you are subjected to the judgement of total strangers.

That's ok, Colditz :)

And animation, you stiiiiiilll haven't answered my question, or Justabout's question, or anyone else who says they speak in what may be deemed by you a showy off manner, yet it's completely a different scenario.

Why should any mother, who isn't bawling at, swearing at or insulting her child have to justiify how she speaks to said child in public? Really?

I don't think that you can tell by looking at a child/parent interaction if the child has SN.

I do understand the kind of thing you are talking about though, and there is a difference between someone talking loudly to their child and the showing off style of parenting that some practice.

"Oh, yes Tarquin, that is correct. We only buy organic hummus. How CLEVER of you to remember. Yes, yes dear. You may have some wholewheat crackers as a special treat but do take the ones without salt. What? Your friend is allowed to have Haribo? Yes, you know that they are terribly bad for your teeth, all that sugar. A nice bag of organic grapes would be much better"...

It is the pompous poncyness, not the volume of the parent's speaking voice that grates.

Fearne, she was a prize a bitch, by the sounds of things. I do hate how judgey people get, I really do :(

*like the lady in the post office - who I doubt is an ASD parent.

Let me get this straight. You are judging this woman who you don't know, have never met or seen and you weren't even there.

Oh, Fearne, that is horrible.

I guess that is why these threads are good, because they educate those of us without children with SN so that we might be a bit less judgy and a bit more tolerant in future.

MmeLindor - that's only poncey because it's not your values. It's exactly the same as her saying 'No darling, we don't buy haribo because only chavvy scum eat those' ... it's not ok. She's telling her DCs what she believes is right.

Mmelindor
Absolutely!

I hope you're right, Mme...