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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My millionaire sister is leaving her fortune to a dogs' home

124 replies

whatever17 · 29/05/2011 04:16

I don't care, I think she should do what she likes with her money.

My parents were distraught.

The background is that my sister called my DS2 (SN) on his bday. I had tried to manage this and had coached him and called her - she was out. She called back and he had forgotten who she was - he never sees her. I was in the background grimacing and saying "be nice, she will give you presents" he then said "what are my presents?"

I then called her back immediately and said "sorry, it was just bad timing, DS is what he is, it isn't personal".

She flipped and went to our parents saying what a shit he was, etc, etc. Then she used the family website re-writing her will about 7 times - publically. Eventually I asked my Dad to ask her to please use her private email address.

I have never wanted, asked for or expected her money.
The tin hat was that she said, in her will, that she would leave mum's wedding ring (which mum outgrew 20 years ago) to DS1, not me or DS2. I have told DS1 never to accept it.

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 04/06/2011 02:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

whatever17 · 04/06/2011 02:12

I was trying to explain to him that she was calling him to get a thanks for presents that were round at my parents - too complex a concept for him, I agree, and then it collapsed. Then my sister went mad and went and collected the spiderman bin and took it to her cleaner's kid.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever17 · 04/06/2011 02:14

Okey doke - I must not have explained any of this properly.

I am going to leave it at this.

OP posts:

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 04/06/2011 02:18

Oh i think I get it. just to clarify..

sister took ds2 present (spiderman bin) to your parents
sister phoned ds2 for a thank you for present (spiderman bin) he hadnt yet received
you tell ds2 to say thank you by telling him to be nice and he'll get presents or similar
ds2 confused asks for presents
sister has tantrum and goes round to parents takes back bin and gives it to her cleaners ds
sister rants at parents about disliking ds2
sister changes will

is that right?

BluddyMoFo · 04/06/2011 02:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 04/06/2011 02:32

oh. Think i might give up and go to bed, MN is confusing the hell out of me tonight!!

ThatVikRinA22 · 04/06/2011 18:08

whatever17

then i think your sister is petty and mean.

id tell her to stick her money.
i dont think you have explained any of this very well, and you mishandled the conversation between your son and your sister.
does your sister not understand your sons condition? you dont sound very close anyway.

Xenia · 04/06/2011 18:18

It's highly likely you'll bo th die about the same time when yiou're 85. What she might do with what money if she has any then is pretty irrelevant and you might have 10x her income by then. She sounds a bit strange to be writing it all in public and anyway unless it's on paper etc etc it's not valid so I suppose you mean she was writing about how she might change it on line. If it only exists on line then it's not valid and in fact the state decides who gets what (don't tell her that as she may not know)

DillyDaydreaming · 04/06/2011 18:47

Obviously she thinks you are hoping your children will some of her money when she leaves this earth. Let her know you are not interested or bothered in what she does with her money - make sure she understands this - end of.

Don't allow her to think she's made a point in any way shape or form.

expatinscotland · 04/06/2011 19:06

Dogs are worthless.

katvond · 04/06/2011 20:43

Dogs are so not worthless. Rather give it to a dogs home then to some whinging relative

expatinscotland · 04/06/2011 20:44

Well, that is true. The relatives are sometimes even more worthless.

DoMeDon · 04/06/2011 20:52

Your sister's been petty doing it all publicly but don't get what you're asking

begonyabampot · 04/06/2011 21:17

if it's as Op explained i really don't see why she has had such a hard time, the sister sounds like a spoilt, spiteful madam (obviously don't know the whole history).

Jajas · 04/06/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emptyshell · 04/06/2011 22:29

OK so let's go through the checklist here:

Backhanded dig at dog-owners to get Team Woof up in arms... check
Throwing in special needs to get the special needs defenders on the case... check
Totally ridiculous present ettiquette/expectations to get the rest of us up in arms... yep
Emotional angle of a wedding ring and betrayal of giving it to one v the other added in for good measure... gotcha

P.S. You missed out breastfeeding for full "light fuse and retire" amusement.

Original poster

whatever17 · 07/06/2011 01:04

Yes - I went to the memorial service on Saturday and I am so glad I did.

I was really scared, having never known anyone (apart from my Godfather who died when I was 12) who died before. I was really glad I went.

It was lovely.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever17 · 07/06/2011 01:10

I don't think I am explaining myself properly on this.

My kids and I are not money oriented and I actually feel sorry for her and feel that her fear of us getting her money has ruined what was a nice relationship in our childhood.

We are not well off financially but I am delighted to have my lovely kids and my home and my friends.

My mum later told me it was a spiderman bin, fine, I don't care. It was the things she said about my son to my parents despite me ringing back IMMEDIATELY and saying "I am sorry, it was bad timing and I was coaching DS2 in the background to remind him who you are and why you were ringing, the things he said are all my fault".

I suppose I am not asking anything and am probably in the wrong thread. It was her bday on Sat and it all comes up for me at this time of year.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever17 · 07/06/2011 01:13

And yes, the spiderman bin was left at my parents so we had no idea what the present was - not that it mattered. But she phoned because it was his bday.

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 07/06/2011 01:27

i remember having to coach my boy in the earlier years, he is 19 now and better at it than i am.

maybe you didnt explain it all very well but you dont sound like you have to justify yourself in this, your sister sounds as if the money should buy her appreciation, kids with ASD are a great leveller!

take care - i hope you sort it out with her, but im sure you and your kids will be fine with or without the money. tbh, if she has a hold over you because of it, i would say stick it anyway!
good luck!

begonyabampot · 07/06/2011 01:34

Yip, sod it - she can have her money, it will never buy what you have.

Original poster

whatever17 · 07/06/2011 01:43

Thank you - I felt really depressed reading this thread earlier.

I think I didn't explain it well. It is all so complicated. She has tried to hold her money over our heads - and has assumed we are responding to it and we are not.

My parents are kind of upset that the money will go to a dogs home. But I have said to them - who cares, we are fine! And, to be fair, her dogs have given her a lot of happiness.

I just wish she hadn't tried to hang it over our heads. Sure, it would be lovely for my kids to get a few hundred k - but - whatever, we have lived happily without it so far.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever17 · 07/06/2011 04:21

My God - I have just read through this whole thread saying that I might have a hangover etc.

I have to get up in the night several times with DS2 and often can't get back to sleep straight away.

And the reason I have asked DS1 (who is 20) not to take the ring is because my Mum, who is so upset at what my sister said about DS2 has said "fuck, her, tell her to put the ring down the drain".

DS1 wants the ring (it is only a gold band) and I have since cooled down and said to do what he wants.

OP posts:

WorzselMummage · 07/06/2011 04:57

Christ, you all sound as bad as each other.

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