Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My millionaire sister is leaving her fortune to a dogs' home

124 replies

whatever17 · 29/05/2011 04:16

I don't care, I think she should do what she likes with her money.

My parents were distraught.

The background is that my sister called my DS2 (SN) on his bday. I had tried to manage this and had coached him and called her - she was out. She called back and he had forgotten who she was - he never sees her. I was in the background grimacing and saying "be nice, she will give you presents" he then said "what are my presents?"

I then called her back immediately and said "sorry, it was just bad timing, DS is what he is, it isn't personal".

She flipped and went to our parents saying what a shit he was, etc, etc. Then she used the family website re-writing her will about 7 times - publically. Eventually I asked my Dad to ask her to please use her private email address.

I have never wanted, asked for or expected her money.
The tin hat was that she said, in her will, that she would leave mum's wedding ring (which mum outgrew 20 years ago) to DS1, not me or DS2. I have told DS1 never to accept it.

OP posts:
meditrina · 29/05/2011 10:07

For anyone who opened this because of the mention of a dogs' home, especially if you are in London - you might like to see also this thread about a shout out for old towels etc for Battersea who are in desperate need this weekend following a fire in their laundry room.

LadyBeagleEyes · 29/05/2011 10:08

Whatever7, when your sister dies, will you go to her funeral?
Seeing as you believe that only men do that.
Did you ever go to your friend's sister's memorial service btw?

WhoAteMySnickers · 29/05/2011 10:15

Why does she have your mums wedding ring, given that your mum is still alive?

Sounds like a really complex family history and I'm sure there's far more going in than you've given us here.

Her money to leave to whomever she wishes. YABU.

onagar · 29/05/2011 10:18

She says she coached him after the first missed phone call in how to behave when sister called back. By the time it happened he had forgotten who she was again.

If this is true then you are all supporting someone who has decided to put down a child publicly for being mentally disabled.

KittySpencer · 29/05/2011 10:27

YABU. You sound materialistic and money grabbing.

I think it's rather sick to be instructing your son what he should do with the ring given that:

  1. he won't get this until your sister dies which will be many years from now, and possibly even after your own death (unless of course your sister is already terminally ill, in which case your unpleasant attitude is even worse)
and
  1. anything that is left to him is his. It's absolutely nothing to do with you.

I suggest you find a hobby to occupy your time. Or get a job and earn some money of your own, that might stop you worrying so much about what your sister has.

TidyDancer · 29/05/2011 10:32

No, any decent person would allow a child to accept an inheritance. Not to mention that I doubt she could actually legally stop the child accepting the ring.

Not that it is actually relevant (since the sister has the right to will what she wants for the reason she wants), but OP seems to be unclear on the reasons for the ring being left for one DS and not the other.

As I said, there are some very weird dynamics here, and I would bet my bottom dollar we don't have the full story. The sister might be entirely unreasonable in the way she is acting towards the children and the rest of the family, but she still has the right to do whatever she wants with her will, and those named in it have the right to receive what was left to them.

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 29/05/2011 10:32

Sorry I don't believe this story, and if I did I would say YABU. Your money can do what she wants with her money.

Teaching your son that if he's nice then he might get presents is wrong and if you needed to coach him to speak to her then when she called back you would have intercepted the call to make sure he 'performed' as expected.

celadon · 29/05/2011 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeRightYouWrongMeBigYouSmall · 29/05/2011 10:42

I expect your DS1 to be a lot older by the time he makes a decision to accept this wedding ring or not, and tbh your sister may even out survive you and your parents so your input may well be forgotten.

All in all, a very weird story you seem to have a problem with your sisters wealth nut you do appear to have a mahoosive sense of entitlement here Hmm

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 29/05/2011 11:09

If the child needed prompting to remember who was on the phone, what's wrong with saying, "Be polite, it's your auntie XXX"?? Essentially telling your child to be nice to someone in order to get gifts is very rude, imo.

SauvignonBlanche · 29/05/2011 11:10
Biscuit
boilingpoint · 29/05/2011 11:24

i am very very confused by your post OP....

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 29/05/2011 11:30

I think your sister is being pretty unreasonable in altering her will because her nephew, who has SN, asks her what he will be getting for his birthday. (If that is the case here )

Try to take no notice. As others have said a lot could happen in the next 50 years or whatever, when she eventually goes to a better place or at least has a chance to Rest In Peace.
For example she may need most of her money in her retirement or for care at the end of her life.

Perhaps spend more time with her and the rest of your family for it's own sake. Family relationships can be a great source of love and support for all concerned.
If that sometimes includes financial support and money being inherited by the next generation that should really be a secondary concern. Smile

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 29/05/2011 11:33

Either there is an awful lot behind this story that isn't being said or this is a load of bull. I'm rather inclined towards the latter....

exoticfruits · 29/05/2011 11:36

I think that people can leave their money wherever they like.
If OP is just as it seems and she is difficult, don't play the game and engage. Just say, mildly, 'it is up to you' and change the subject.

nijinsky · 29/05/2011 12:12

I'm puzzled as to why this has blown up into such a huge arguement. Your sister called your DS on his birthday which is nice. We don't know the background to why your sister reacted as she did to your comments in the background about presents. Her reaction seems OTT but only if there is no history of you having a bit of attitude over her success in life. Which, judging from the title of your post, you do have.

Leaving your fortune to a dog's home is something someone says as a flippant remark when annoyed or upset. Since your sister still presumably has many years of health still left to enjoy, why take it so seriously? It is up to you to act in a mature way about this and not beheave like a child, which is kind of what your comments remind me of.

Forget about any inheritance and presents and concentrate on the personal relationships between the members of your family. Your sister phoning your DS on his birthday wouldn't seem to imply that she was particularly uncaring but perhaps she objects to being seen purely in terms of what presents she can buy and what inheritance she will leave.

Vallhala · 29/05/2011 12:38

My only concern would be that your sister might not leave her fortune to a no-kill dogs home.

FGS - you tell a child to be nice so that he gets presents and then blame his SN when the child repeats it? Hmm Charming! Apart from being shallow surely that's potentially a bloody dangerous idea to give any young child, much less one with special needs!

YABU. Your sister can do as she pleases with her money. The problem appears to be with your family's expectations of your sister, not with her.

Abused and abandoned dogs are far more deserving than warring families who teach their children to be nice to people in order to gain gifts or who are "distraught" at the shocking idea of a grown woman doing as she pleases with her own money.

Salmotrutta · 29/05/2011 12:43

This is a very odd story Confused
Not sure I understand any of it (especially the bit about grimacing whilst saying "be nice"!) - but, having been witness to the way some people behave when inheritances and wills are involved, my conclusion is that leaving it all to a charity is a very good idea if you think your relatives can't behave themselves after you have gone.

Salmotrutta · 29/05/2011 12:45

And meant to add that telling a child to be nice to get presents is rather awful in my view.

APieOfButter · 29/05/2011 12:48

How would she change her will on the family website?

skybluepearl · 29/05/2011 12:58

can you just say that you were sorry son was rude but that hes SN and you said the wong thing to try and coax him to talk? can you try and see eachother more often so that you all have a stronger relationship? can you also say about the will - it's her money and you respect what ever she wants to do with it including leaving it to the dogs home.

BumWiper · 29/05/2011 13:07

Smells like a load of bullshit to me.

Haecceity · 29/05/2011 13:48

onager - I for one am not supporting the sister. I think she reacted horribly and as I said in my post, she'd have burned her bridges with me by calling my child that!

However, you cannot tell a child to behave a certain way in expectation of gifts - even on their birthday.

This goes double (treble. quadruple!!) for a child with some SNs - autism for example.

If you said that to mine, because it was their birthday, they'd be asking every time for a start! Because they wouldn't see the significance of their birthday. not really my eldest nowadays, but he used to be when he was younger, he'd NEVER have understood and still certainly my youngest wouldn't. Plus it is simply very bad manners to ask about a present and it is something we have to work VERY hard on with our kids, getting them to understand socially acceptable behaviours. We simply cannot afford to confuse them on this, it's hard enough for them!

It's not one issue.

It's - OP unreasonable for saying about the presents
sister unreasonable (very!) for being horrible about the child and for not (seemingly) giving a crap about the sn or trying to understand in any way
OP unreasonable for suggesting that her older child should not accept a ring, for actually TELLING her elder child about this and instructing him to refuse to accept his grandmother's ring.

It's really not something that you can say one party of the other is the Wrong one

Dozer · 29/05/2011 14:28

Where is OP?

PercyPigPie · 29/05/2011 14:38

Have never used one of these before, but Biscuit

Swipe left for the next trending thread