.. to think that this is the crappiest birthday I ever had?

[paulapantsdown]

Ok, I know I am not a child, and I don't expect balloons and chocolate cake, but this has been my worst birthday ever. I will explain and you tell me if I am being an idiot to feel so down about this please.

We all went to a friends house for drinks/dinner last night, and lovley friend who's house it was gave me a card and little (very thoughtful) present. Everyone was asking me what I was doing for my birthday, had DH planned anything special etc. I could only answer 'I don't know' as he had not mentioned my birthday to me or the kids up to this point. He muttered something along the lines of "yeah, we are going out".

So, I go home with the kids, he stays behind drinking and comes home at 1am and sleeps in the spare room so as not to wake me. Get up this morning and get handed a - bottle of wine - from the fridge, and a card signed from the kids (not DH) that I had seen on the counter in friends house. She is going to a birthday party tonight and had obv bought this card for it. No card from DH, as he obv had not been to a shop and had just asked the friend for the other card.

Two hour later bunch of flowers arrive from the florists around the corner, again with a card with just the kids names on. DH then announces that he has the teenager next door to sit with the kids tonight so that we can go for a meal in his favourite restuarant. He hasn't actually booked a table, but is sure they keep tables free for show up. This place is 20 miles away. I suggest that instead of risking not getting in, maybe we could do something with the kids. He says 'yeah ok whatever'.

So I am so upset by this point that I go back to bed and have a little cry.

Another dear friend and a my cousin (who is like a sister to me), arrive with thoughtful, prettily wrapped gifts. Nothing too expensive, but thoughtful and lovely. After they leave, we all pop over to my dads house who gives me a card with some cash in it and tells me that it was a good job my cousin had reminded him 30 minutes before that it was my birthday as he had forgotten!

The rest of the afternoon goes by like any other Saturday and now they are all downstairs watching the football.

At 6pm, DH says that the babysitter had texted and were we going out or what? I said no thanks.

His birthday last year :
tickets for Paul Weller (ordered 2 months before birthday)
slippers he needed and had pointed out in shop
some of his favourite chocolates
table booked at nice pub for sunday lunch
a card from me and one from the kids

AIBU to feel totally unappreciated and an afterthought on what should be a day I should be made feel a little bit special by the person who is supposed to love me most? Its the same day every year and yet he obviously forgot until yesterday.

Its not about the cash spent (or not) - just the thoughtlessness that really hurts, and the assumption that a last minute bunch of flowers and a meal out would do - I really would have been happier with a bunch of carnations from the supermarket and a nice lunch made at home - but I was never ASKED what I might like to do, and no thought was put into anything for me.

Am I being a brat?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable / ungrateful. If you wanted him to sign the card, you could have just said, 'Darling, you've forgotten to put your name, you must have been so busy with the children', giving him a get out of jail free card. Would hate the idea of giving DH a list of things; I work, I can buy what I want. Yes, it's nice to get a thoughtful gift, I still have the plant DS bought me for my birthday two years ago and it's flowering beautifully. Usually get a card from DH, sometimes go out for a meal. Agree with those that say you must be crying about your relationship with your DH overall, not your birthday.

I don't think you're being daft or unreasonable. I would be very upset at his complete lack of thought. It's not about material things - it's about being made feel special.

Blimey - he didn't even buy your card!

My 21st was worse.

I had a 6 week old, consumed with PND, so sore from stiches and got taken to trapes around strattford upon avon for the afternoon,( its only 25mins from here so no big trip). I got a bottle of perfume from my parents, £20 from my grandparents. Went for dinner in town but the baby was screaming his head off (he'd also had 5 poos during the 7 hours out and had to go and buy emergency clothes), and i had totally had enough. So...who says that 21 is a big birthday???

Dear twobytwo, sorry to hear about your day out - sounds like with a six week old traipsing around Stratford-on-Avon was a bit ambitious for you all Reminds me of a day I spent traipsing around a seaside town with two young children once. I'm sure it's a nice enough place, but I can't even think of the name of it now Begins with S, near York !

My birthday this year: I reminded OH about a week before. On my birthday I got up and cooked him breakfast. Halfway through he says Oh it's your birthday. I haven't got you any thing. Comes home in the evening with a CD (that he wanted) and a wizard of Oz DVD with a £2.99 price sticker still on it. Thing is he goes on every year about how shit his birthday is as it's near Christmas. This year I booked a romantic night away and bought him an expensive (£200) phone plus other smaller goodies. Yes I felt very hurt.

if my dh had arranged for flowers to be delivered I would wonder what he had been upto!
op - it seems that most men are the same as mine; hasn't got a clue about enything and has to be reminded on a daily basis about everything despite the calender being in the same place as every year with full details about birthdays, parents evenings etc!

I agree with others though that you cut your nose off to spite your face by refusing to go out when he had arranged a sitter it must have been like a slap across the face for your dp

Obviously there are worse things that can happen on your birthday, but that doesn't mean the OP should have to feel grateful for the half arsed effort made by her DH, on the grounds that some men don't bother at all/other people have had it worse.

Not bothering to get a card and present is a bit shit. And taking her out for a meal only counts if he a)takes the OP somewhere that she would like and b)actually books a table. Otherwise it's the OP arranging her own birthday meal, which is not the point.

Added to the fact that her dad forgot, this is probably making the OP feel as if no one cares or appreciates her. It's nice that her friend and cousin made an effort but these are not life partners, so it would be good if they put in a bit of thought too.