.. to think that this is the crappiest birthday I ever had?

[paulapantsdown]

Ok, I know I am not a child, and I don't expect balloons and chocolate cake, but this has been my worst birthday ever. I will explain and you tell me if I am being an idiot to feel so down about this please.

We all went to a friends house for drinks/dinner last night, and lovley friend who's house it was gave me a card and little (very thoughtful) present. Everyone was asking me what I was doing for my birthday, had DH planned anything special etc. I could only answer 'I don't know' as he had not mentioned my birthday to me or the kids up to this point. He muttered something along the lines of "yeah, we are going out".

So, I go home with the kids, he stays behind drinking and comes home at 1am and sleeps in the spare room so as not to wake me. Get up this morning and get handed a - bottle of wine - from the fridge, and a card signed from the kids (not DH) that I had seen on the counter in friends house. She is going to a birthday party tonight and had obv bought this card for it. No card from DH, as he obv had not been to a shop and had just asked the friend for the other card.

Two hour later bunch of flowers arrive from the florists around the corner, again with a card with just the kids names on. DH then announces that he has the teenager next door to sit with the kids tonight so that we can go for a meal in his favourite restuarant. He hasn't actually booked a table, but is sure they keep tables free for show up. This place is 20 miles away. I suggest that instead of risking not getting in, maybe we could do something with the kids. He says 'yeah ok whatever'.

So I am so upset by this point that I go back to bed and have a little cry.

Another dear friend and a my cousin (who is like a sister to me), arrive with thoughtful, prettily wrapped gifts. Nothing too expensive, but thoughtful and lovely. After they leave, we all pop over to my dads house who gives me a card with some cash in it and tells me that it was a good job my cousin had reminded him 30 minutes before that it was my birthday as he had forgotten!

The rest of the afternoon goes by like any other Saturday and now they are all downstairs watching the football.

At 6pm, DH says that the babysitter had texted and were we going out or what? I said no thanks.

His birthday last year :
tickets for Paul Weller (ordered 2 months before birthday)
slippers he needed and had pointed out in shop
some of his favourite chocolates
table booked at nice pub for sunday lunch
a card from me and one from the kids

AIBU to feel totally unappreciated and an afterthought on what should be a day I should be made feel a little bit special by the person who is supposed to love me most? Its the same day every year and yet he obviously forgot until yesterday.

Its not about the cash spent (or not) - just the thoughtlessness that really hurts, and the assumption that a last minute bunch of flowers and a meal out would do - I really would have been happier with a bunch of carnations from the supermarket and a nice lunch made at home - but I was never ASKED what I might like to do, and no thought was put into anything for me.

Am I being a brat?

h went to the gp on his birthday, as sent for a blood test.. at 10 am i got a call from the hospital saying h had passed out and cut open his head, could I come and collect him. get a lift from a neighbour to the hospital, 7m pregnant and dodgy pelvis meant I couldn't waddle that far that fast. had to take him to a&e covered in blood. had his head glued together and an injection. later a return visit to the gp..... the wwhole day spent at on 2 visits to the gp and in 2 different hospitals. it also meant he couldn't drive til cleared by his consultant in case he had had a fit...

now that was a rubbish birthday

even so h should haave put some thought into your present and card....

My dh is like this, my advice is tell him the week before. i spent several years pissed off with him as he kept buying me dvd's that he wanted to see, for Christmas, valentines and birthday. he knew i hated them, war films fgs, then would sulk when i wouldn't watch them.

now I tell him a week ahead and give him some vague suggestions, always for little cost. nearly passed out at Christmas, I asked for a book. when i opened my gift he got me a kindle and had put the book i wanted on it.

you really need to tell him or you will be disappointed every year.

Tbh it comes accross to me like you are!!

you did see your loved ones, you got gifts, dinner & drinks at a friends, your hubby/partner got your nice flowers and offered to take you out...what are you complaing for???

On my birthday i dont hear from any of my family/friends no phone call no text nothing, we dont go out as we dont have babysitters and sometimes i dont get a gift if df cant afford it. and as i dont see anyone else dont get anything from them either. so really its like any other day.......hows that for a shit birthday??

YABU, I thiugh from the thread title you were going to say someone had died, or everyone had forgotten.

*thought

Ok....so, you got presents from friends; got a card from the kiddies; flowers arrived from a florist; the offer of a meal in a restaurant.

Hmm. My birthday usually consists of a few cards and....a few cards. Mind you, I'm a grown up. I don't really look for balloons and surprises and tinsel wrapped gifts. My birthday probably means more to my Mam then it does to me these days!

Would be lovely to have someone to make a fuss of me on my birthday.....but hell, I can get over the fact that it ain't gonna happen!

I think you feel let down by your husband Paulapantsdown. I think you probably aleady felt this way before your birthday disappointment though.....

Hi, Paula. Erm - happy birthday!
I thought your OP was very sweet and also sad. I admit I haven't read most of your thread because I was getting cheesed off with the replies! You don't sound like a birthday diva, far from it.

It does sound, though, as if your H is making a point. Even to the extent that your friend bought the card 'from the kids' and he didn't sign the flowers. A 20-mile drive for a possible table on a bank holiday weekend is a punt, not a date.

Either you ARE birthday diva, and he's trying (passive-aggressively) to put you in your place this year, or he's sending you a clear message that his only relationship with you is as the mother of your kids :(

I hope it's just a row, not a big problem.
Would you like to move your thread to Relationships?

this is all to do with your dh's thoughlessness - no thought gone into your birthday which is a cunt considering the thought you put in to make him happy - yes?

my birthday this year was the shittiest ever birthday
my dh didn't plan anything - ive been married too long to expect surprises and so i told him what i wanted point blank. this thing needed ordering - he forgot. and did it via panic the day before.
my youngest son got me a card - he is eighteen and for that i was greatful
my oldest son forgot
my daughter came in at 10pm on the night of my birthday - just as i was thinking no one loved me and produced a box or ferraro rochet and a card.

so for my birthday i got a box of ferraro rochet. I don't expect diamonds and pearls, but a little thought would have been nice. I;m not even subtle about it - i'm not the silent type - i don't quietly count the days to my birthday - i say it loudly.

YANBU.

He forgot until the day before (then only remembered because your friend gave you something) and then begged the wine and card from your friend so he had something to give you. Did he honestly think you wouldn't realise?!

I don't like to make a big deal of my birthday but I do like to know my DH has remembered!

I had some close rellies forget mine this year and then do the "oh your card is on the table but we forgot to post it" thing which I actually found more hurtful than a genuine "yikes we forgot, so sorry!"

I suspect if your DH had fessed up and asked how he could make it up to you, you'd have been less upset than having him cobble something together at the last minute and expect you to get excited about it. At least your Dad was honest and didn't try to pretend that the lovely pressie he ordered weeks ago didn't arrive so here was the money instead!

I hope you are going to return the favour for DH and get him a bottle of aftershave from the corner shop then take him to Burger King for his tea!

Are you serious??

I don't think OP's being unreasonable, she didn't want material things, she wanted thoughtfulness and love.

Her dh cadged a card off her friend the night before, presumably because he'd forgotten until that point, then he didn't even sign it himself. He pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge and sent flowers that weren't signed from him either, and the 'dinner out' was at his favourite restaurant.

I'd be upset too...

YANBU to feel let down. Your husband did not put any thought into this.
But, at least he did scramble around today and got your flowers, and organized a babysitter. I wish you had made use of the babysitter and gone to YOUR favorite restaurant, rather than stayed home.

Anyways......
Happy Birthday!

absoloutly rathlin its the general day to day , week in week out , year in year out ,although you may feel a bit let down by yr hubby is he really that bad ?? its not the worst thing ever ?? if hes good in other ways , no ones happy 100% of the time xxx

Happy belated!

I think birthdays turn out how we expect, really. I am usually really disappointed on mine, because it comes right before Christmas so I have usually spent all our spare dish on other people, leaving nothing for dh to buy me a pressie with. Yet I still always hope he might have made the effort, as I do for him, to put aside money beforehand. It isn't like the date changes!

I realized this year at the grand age of 30 that I spend time planning gifts and surprise parties because that is something I enjoy doing... I cannot assume others also spend weeks thinking about perfect gifts; that is my obsession. Once I realized that I enjoyed my birthday a lot more :)

Let him know what disappointed you, because the 'whatever' type responses would worry me a bit; they sound like he is being a bit distant and maybe not as emotionally involved as he should be. Not signing the card himself with an affectionate message would be a big red flag for me... And as for the restaurant being his favorite not yours; I thin men get used to being a bit selfish aboutthese things because we say things like 'sure, we can watch Kung Fu cowboy machete ninjas 3 rather than the new Robert Downey jr flick if you like' rather than being honest... We sometimes pretend to like their things more than we do to be to romantic, but they are simpler and more honest in their approach to relationships, so assume because you say you like that restaurant once, that it is your fave too...

Gosh, if that was your crappiest birthday ever, I'd like to know what your best one was like
It just sounds as if your husband isn't too good at these kinds of gestures. Some menpeople don't really get the significance of soppy birthday cards, romantic surprise meals etc. Next year I would let him know exactly what you want.

Personally I wouldn't read so much into him not signing the card - he signed it from your darling DC's - In his mind that might easily include himself too.
I often get my DC's to make cards for my parents (their granny and grandpa)
or for my DH.
It takes a lot more effort and is much more personal than if I just bought them a card and signed it from myself ! Sometimes I add my name and sometimes I might not. It doesn't feel that different either way to me !
I think a lot of men would be the same. They just don't all get the card and pressie thing like many women do. And who can blame them really - it can all be a bit commercial.
I think most men are more resistant to those commercial pressures.
Anyway, hope you have a better day today, OP.
As I said yesterday, make a weekend of it.
Tell him you were a bit disappointed you didn't get to go out for that meal last night, and try going out for lunch with the DC's today ?

Sorry, but I think you're being a bit of a brat!

OK, so he was a bit last minute about it all, but he sorted flowers, a card and a babysitter so that you could go out. It might not have been brilliant, but I wouldn't call that crap either.

Having said that, I don't think birthdays are big deals for adults anyway, so I obviously have a different perspective from you. Why don't you just thank him for what he did, and tell him what you'd like him to do differently in the future.

Sorry but it doesn't sound that bad. Me and DP don't go overboard for birthdays anymore we will go out for a meal but don't spend loads on presents last year he brought me a haircut. It was such a lovely present.
So I think your acting a tad spoilt but this is my view. Does someone have to spend hundreds to put a smile on your face?

I also don't think that sounds like a bad b'day. My last was far more boring and I am only 20!

And I would have felt really selfish to cry over having a day like that.

YANBU. One year we were away on holiday on my birthday. I thought DH would have brought cards with him (we'd left our teens behind), but not one. He hadn't even sorted out a cake.

This year I have recently been ill. My birthday was on Wednesday. My mum took me out for the day last Saturday, then we (DH, DD, DS) went away for a few days (somewhere I wanted to go) Wednesday to Friday. On Saturday he'd booked us a tour on a trike I'd been angling for. So I had a birthday week. It was lovely.

But I've had years of non-birthdays in between and had to make a big fuss. He doesn't "do" birthdays and usually makes sure he is working on his own :(

On your birthday you like to feel that your loved ones would do a little to make you happy.

You don't feel happy - so YANBU.
Best wishes from me xx

I don't need my DP to spoil me as I get spoiled with love. I get breakfast in bed every Saturday and Sunday. Tea cooked every Friday and Saturday and Sunday dinner cooked. I get spoiled with love. I don't need jewellery perfume and things like that.

Do you get spoiled with love then Mollydolly?

I don't think you sound bratty.

What is he like the rest of the year? What about previous birthdays?