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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say "no" to any type of anal sex?

39 replies

Ashley80 · 28/05/2011 00:08

My current partner is incensed that I won't have anal sex with him (of any description). He was fine with it until he realised that I have done various things with previous partners. What's his problem?! Tried it, didn't like it very much and don't want to do it again.

Anyone got any experience of this??!

OP posts:
allegrageller · 28/05/2011 00:09

I don't think he's got any right to be incensed!!! It's your body not a blow up doll. tell him where to stick it (oops...you know what I mean :D)

allegrageller · 28/05/2011 00:10

btw I have similar-ish issues. I normally don't mind anal but DP is enormous and sometimes it just hurts too much. As soon as it hurts at all, I say stop, and he bloody well has to or that's the end of the fun....

K999 · 28/05/2011 00:11

How many descriptions of anal sex are there? Confused

But it's not a Friday any more so I can't comment on a bum sex thread....

shakey1500 · 28/05/2011 00:15

It's only reasonable if

A. you find it enjoyable/comfortable
B. it can be reciprocated :)

I've done it once, was enjoyable enough with the partner involved but with dh tis unachievable (no matter how much alcohol involved). A shame methinks because the "taboo" aspect appeals to me.

However, to be "incensed" is unreasonable. Sulky maybe, incensed, no.

chipmonkey · 28/05/2011 00:49

incensed?Shock How dare he be incensed because you make a decision about what happens to your your body! Does he think he owns you?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/05/2011 00:52

Your arse, your rules.

HTH

MichaelaS · 28/05/2011 01:11

YANBU to only have sex in a way that you and your partner both find enjoyable.

Sounds like he's more concerned about why you've done this with other partners and not him, rather than the fact you don't want to do it now. Does he have insecurities here?

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 28/05/2011 01:20

Ram a carrot or corn on the cob up his arse and see how he feels about it then.... actually probably even more incensed!

My OH isn't interested thankfully, he mentioned it once in a have you ever... conversation, i told him he'd get poo on his willy and if he wanted to put something up my bum i wanted to put something up his.... it never got mentioned again! Grin

CeliaDeBohun · 28/05/2011 01:31

Anyone got any experience of this??!

Some years ago I went out with this misogynistic wanker bloke who kept hassling me for anal even though I told him I really, really didn't want to do it. He didn't know about any past experiences I'd had, just had this fixation about us doing it.

I did tell him over and over that I didn't want to because I saw it as painful and degrading but he kept on about it regardless. I ended up finishing with him for a multitude of reasons. The anal thing wasn't specifically one of them but his total lack of respect for my feelings wrt it didn't help matters. Basically, I didn't have a problem with him asking in the first place but I did have a problem with him trying to bully me into it. Is your DP controlling, as a rule?

BibiBlocksberg · 28/05/2011 01:32

"Your arse, your rules"

Where was that sort of no-nonsense type of advice when I needed it so many moons ago??

'My arse, my rules' - going to get that embroidered onto a cloth and framed in the style of the 'home sweet home' cross stitch thingies.

Statement of the week imo Grin

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/05/2011 01:40

Why thank you

BatsInTheSnowglobe · 28/05/2011 01:40

hahaha

Tambern · 28/05/2011 02:33

What they said above. Your body means you only do things you feel comfortable with. I like the idea of telling him that if he wants to do it to you, he has to let you do it to him first. It should make him think of what he's asking you to do

IRCL · 28/05/2011 02:48

Ditto everything that has been said above.

You do what you feel comfortable with OP.

Just one question though how many descriptions of Anal are there? Shock

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/05/2011 02:55

I move to second *Bibi'

Hands or bums down or up, Apocalyse is the worthy winner of the 'quote of the week' award

I'm gonna painstakingly embroider it on a flowery cushion cover, and place it underneath a cross-stitched 'Sit on it at your peril' framed motif.

Unless my eyes deceive me after a glass or 6, there's shurely shome stealth boasting going on in this thread?

Maybe later today there will be enlightenment as to how many more types of anal sex there are than one - or 2 or more depending on number of participants at any given time?

CheerfulYank · 28/05/2011 02:57

Um, I am confused by the "any" type of anal sex. Can someone please elaborate on what other types there are besides, well, y'know?!

CheerfulYank · 28/05/2011 02:58

But of course YANBU! You should never do anything sexual that you don't want to do!

Tambern · 28/05/2011 03:01

I'm assuming Blush that she's referring to using things other than his penis. Fingers, toys that kind of thing.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/05/2011 03:28

Or Blush 'fisting' Tambern Grin

Okay, so that's penis, toys, hands, plus another 1 that I'm given to understand is extremely well-paid x no. of participants.

By my reckoning that's 4 and counting...

CheerfulYank · 28/05/2011 03:34

Hmm, I see.

Tambern · 28/05/2011 03:49

Hahaha. I'm embarassed now, because personally it's not for me and I operate on the exact line I gave above of 'I will, if you will first.'

And yet despite this I'm trying to think up other things. Um mouth maybe?

FourFingeredKitkat · 28/05/2011 03:55

But what if he then says yes to "if you will first"?

Tambern · 28/05/2011 04:02

Depends how serious he was about it. I'd probably give it a shot then, on the obvious understanding that no means no, and that if it hurt then I would stop (on both our sides.)

Realised how heteronormative the above statement I made is, didn't really intend it in that fashion! I'd be happy to ahem perform in that capacity if it was something he desired, but most men don't, thus the using it as an obvious yardstick

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/05/2011 04:14

I have it on good authority that the 'm' word pays well, Tambern

Still 4 and counting - what about this 'yardstick' you've referred to? Is that no.5? Grin

Tambern · 28/05/2011 04:42

Hahaha, I'll add that to the list.