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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fuming that there has been no staff at the local secondary school since 3.30pm to take a serious complaint about bullying and harrasment

489 replies

tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 17:09

I walked past the house of a family who I do know but not terribly well and I am aware there middle daughter is being bullied.

outside was a group of girls looking in through their window shouting and jeering and swearing. I know the mum works some afternoons so I did intervien and tell the group of girls to leave them alone and move away from the house...in hindsight a bit silly of me as I did have my 5 yr old dd with me, but I wasn't in any way afraid forour safety or anything. Turns out the mum was home and she also then came out. They took the message and went away, but then followed me up the street shouting and swearing and berating me. It was laughable really but attempted to call non emergency police no just to show the little shits they can get away with behaving like this, but my bloody mobile died on me.

Anyway I have been trying to call the school since 3.30 and no one has been available to take my call, and have just now been told all senior management staff left at 4.15 and receptionist cant locate any other teaching staff. no one will be in over half term. now I m shocked that the head did not pick up his answer messages before leaving the school for a whole week, I had left one message at 3.30 and one at 4pm. I find it hard to even believe the head of a secondary school would even finish at 4.15.

Im tempted to call the non emergancy no again to give the message to the school this not acceptable, but Im sure this is very little the police would even be able to do.

also I want to say bunch of little bitches how horrible for a group of girls to behave like this!!!!!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:21

thats just it though ishani.....which manner??

op hasnt said

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 19:23

i wonder how many arrests have been made for shouting? and how many prosecutions came from it

probably why this lady took her own life and her daughters.

Tillytulip I no longer wish to engage with you on this thread. so will now ignore any input from your self.

OP posts:
Ishani · 27/05/2011 19:24

Shouting jeering and swearing is pretty much what it is I'm not aware of different types of shouting jeering and swearing ????

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:24

lol....like the teaching staff ignored you??

activate · 27/05/2011 19:24

I think so many people have said it and I am so stunned that some people don't get it

  1. YANBU to intervene - in fact you are brave and honourable
  2. YANBU to report to the school - it's the right thing to do

the big problem on this thread is the whole thing you are fuming about is that the school did not immediately return your call after hours, nor did they prioritise your complaint

they did prioritise it - it just won't have the highest priority to a school who is dealing with a myriad of issues as well as the core business of education - they will probably contact you next week / term

said before / say again - put it in writing and email / mail it

beesimo · 27/05/2011 19:24

Onion

Don't be using me words, fire your own bullets.

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:25

cant you email it in then??

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:26

school website,anti bullying policy....email address.

Olivetti · 27/05/2011 19:26

Tomhardy, I agree with everything you say. Well done for having a community spirit. And yes, there should have been someone there to deal with this. And I speak as the daughter of two teachers - to everyone harping on about doing extra work at home, in holidays etc - what do you think the rest of the world does?!

Acekicker · 27/05/2011 19:27

Very emotionally manipulative emotive stuff tomhardyismydh but even if the situation you encountered is that bad then what will the school do about it when there are no pupils around for them to deal with for the next 10 days.

If you think it's that bad call the police (in fact why haven't you done so already), otherwise stop playing with people's emotions and twisting this to be something that it isn't. You're pissed off the school haven't rung you back, some people think that's reasonable, others don't - you did ask us what we thought...

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 19:28

I understand what you are saying activate, but I personally do not think that is acceptable as I believe that this is a serious complaint. what riled me on this thread is the attitude particularly of tulip. she is behaving like a bully her self.

I also was surprised that some posters do not think it is a school matter.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:29

bully>> because i'm questioning it??? get a grip

Feenie · 27/05/2011 19:30

I love it when people come on asking AIBU and then shout 'bully' when people give an opinion they don't like.Grin

Olivetti · 27/05/2011 19:32

...yeah, I meant I agree with every word you say except the stuff about Tilly. She definitely hasn't bullied you! She's just disagreeing.

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 19:32

otherwise stop playing with people's emotions and twisting this to be something that it isn't.

that often happens on threads its something to either read into or skirt over, my words have also been twisted here, I have not banged on about that.

OP posts:
TigerseyeMum · 27/05/2011 19:33

What do we think the rest of the world does?

Er, be free to leave the workplace when it is their holiday time and not be publicly vilified for it. Or, not be at the beck and call of the public 24-7.

Unfortunately, in these kind of so-called vocational jobs, there is always something else you could do, something more to add to the to-do list. The moment you don't do one thing there's a Daily Mail campaig and a MN thread about it.

Having worked in many sectors - not just education - I can say that it is one of the hardest environments with the longest hours and most stress. And the public would have you at their disposal every minute of the day if they could then rant and tell you they bloody well pay your wages so they can bloody well demand that you do as they ask.

animula · 27/05/2011 19:34

OP - Ignore the attention-seeking behaviour and listen to Goblinchild's advice.

londonone · 27/05/2011 19:34

Whilst I agree that it is a school matter as they were in uniform and this govt seems to be determind to make schools even more responsible for what students do OUTSIDE school, I do wonder what people think the school could do about it.

So to all those saying the school should/will deal with it, exactly what powers do you think they have that could impact on the type of student who would carry on like this in the first place? Really interested in what people think schools should be doing that would enable them to control the actions of students when they have no supervision of them i.e out of school.

activate · 27/05/2011 19:38

also there are two sides to every story - one incident that I remember from a few years ago (so I do not feel I break any confidentiality in sharing generalisms) is a group of students seemingly shouting and jeering at a fellow student

bullying?

it turns out yes, the student had been wantonly cruel over lunchtime in the school grounds to a boy with SN and the group of 4 girls had taken it into their own hands to tell her that was not acceptable in their school

so while we had to talk to them very seriously it was not so cut and dried and nothing ever is

Olivetti · 27/05/2011 19:39

Most people are at the beck and call of somebody, particularly given most of us now provide a service of some sort. Usually it's clients. You always hear teachers banging on about how they work beyond their core hours, work in the holidays etc. Well so does everyone else! Try knocking off for a bank holiday when a client has a problem or there's a big case/pitch/audit the following week.

AbigailS · 27/05/2011 19:39

Olivetti - on what grounds do you justify paying a member of office staff additional hours to sit by the telephone in case someone phones in with a complaint when we are all cutting back on teaching assistant support for the children?

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 19:40

Londonone I think its important to create a good ethos that is vigilant and deals with bullies, encourages children to talk, look out for each other. My school was an inner city school and in 70/80's created a very clear community spirity and we had very little bullying, children where encouraged to challenge others, report bullying and support younger and more vulnerable students. they also dealt with parents as a first instance. I think its is possibly more difficult to exclude children now. persistant Bullies where often excluded from our school.

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 27/05/2011 19:41

YABVU it's half term and so they may have rushed home to spend time with their kids. Most heads work through hols at home but many have families so once all meetings are complete and kids have left the school grounds, why on earth do you expect them to wait around until you talk to them. Our head is often in at 7am and stays late for meetings but tends to go by 4.15pm unless he has a pre-arranged meeting. He lives an hour away and has 3 kids and a wife. He has 2 weeks in the summer when he goes abroad and is not contactable by anyone, and Christmas day, other than that he checks emails everyday etc. I would speak to the mum later tonight. Once they're out of school it's not a school matter anyway.

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 19:41

agree with that activate,2 sides to the story.....i have teens!! and i know my lot are drama queens who are a bit loud when riled/with mates etc....

Acekicker · 27/05/2011 19:42

But tomhardyismydh you are trying to make this out to be much more than it originally seemed. Posters said it was unreasonable to expect the school to call you back today, once you'd realised that we weren't all going to fall over ourselves to join in the teacher bashing you started posting links to articles exactly like that.

I'm not changing my opinion just because you now want me to answer a different question specifically 'AIBU to be cross at the school for not calling me back when I believe a mother and daughter I helped today might be about to kill themselves'. I still think YABU as in that case you should have called the police immediately.

We can play hypotheticals all you like, we can even take turns and crank up the emotions with each round - I'll have indicators of a potential forced marriage arising around home time or a notifcation of indicators of sexual abuse or maybe a physical assault or serious injury on school premises up my sleeve, you can google for more examples of extreme bullying. It won't alter the fact that if you think it's that serious you shouldn't be fannying around trying to slag of teachers online, instead you should have been down your local police station pronto, and if it's not that serious the school will deal with it after half term....