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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fuming that there has been no staff at the local secondary school since 3.30pm to take a serious complaint about bullying and harrasment

489 replies

tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 17:09

I walked past the house of a family who I do know but not terribly well and I am aware there middle daughter is being bullied.

outside was a group of girls looking in through their window shouting and jeering and swearing. I know the mum works some afternoons so I did intervien and tell the group of girls to leave them alone and move away from the house...in hindsight a bit silly of me as I did have my 5 yr old dd with me, but I wasn't in any way afraid forour safety or anything. Turns out the mum was home and she also then came out. They took the message and went away, but then followed me up the street shouting and swearing and berating me. It was laughable really but attempted to call non emergency police no just to show the little shits they can get away with behaving like this, but my bloody mobile died on me.

Anyway I have been trying to call the school since 3.30 and no one has been available to take my call, and have just now been told all senior management staff left at 4.15 and receptionist cant locate any other teaching staff. no one will be in over half term. now I m shocked that the head did not pick up his answer messages before leaving the school for a whole week, I had left one message at 3.30 and one at 4pm. I find it hard to even believe the head of a secondary school would even finish at 4.15.

Im tempted to call the non emergancy no again to give the message to the school this not acceptable, but Im sure this is very little the police would even be able to do.

also I want to say bunch of little bitches how horrible for a group of girls to behave like this!!!!!

OP posts:
risingstar · 27/05/2011 18:08

the head or a member of the management team will be in next week on tuesday,

i dont agree that it was not a school matter. well done op for intervening. mum might have been inside, with daughter begging her not to do anything. we should all stand up for each other in this situation

LaurieFairyCake · 27/05/2011 18:08

The head at dh's school is on a school trip today.

There was a parents evening last night til 9.30pm.

The secretary at school leaves at 4pm - so unless you knew the number of some of the senior leadership team you wouldnt be able to call my dh.

My dh is not home yet, he's doing a year 11 catch up session followed by a meeting.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/05/2011 18:09

There are literally loads of reasons why you couldn't raise someone at school after 3.30pm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/05/2011 18:10

Is that bullying? Didn't the mother in the house contact the police if she was concerned? Why do you think it's a school matter and why do you think that there need to be staff there after 3.30pm on a Friday?

Of course it's not alright for girls to behave this way but some just don't know how to behave. An adult in the house though should be equipped with the skills to deal with this and get help if necessary, rather than be reliant on a random stranger outside.

I think you were lucky, OP, you had your young child with you and it could have turned very nasty. People do not always behave to a script unfortunately. :(

cat64 · 27/05/2011 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheFlyingOnion · 27/05/2011 18:17

YABU

Its half term. I for one was running for the hills at 3.45pm.

TigerseyeMum · 27/05/2011 18:20

TheFlyingOnion

Grin

That made me do a big laff. I don't blame you.

Wine
TheFlyingOnion · 27/05/2011 18:24

on my second Wine Grin

"it is obviously ok for girls to behave like this and schools not to even be seen to be taking bulling seriously."

OP no-one has said anything like this and you are being emotive and VU. Have a Wine, I think you need it.

MumblingRagDoll · 27/05/2011 18:29

Yes...people ae being shits here. he OP is mainly upset as the incident probably firghtened both her AND her small child.

Stop being so bloody insensitive everyone...and consider her feelings.

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 18:32

theflyingonion you are a teacher? my you are very mature clinking and sharing a wine on a thread about a poor family who have been subjected to harassment whilst in their own home Hmm you seem very insensitive.

OP posts:
activate · 27/05/2011 18:34

bites tongue

bleeds

runs to the Gin cupboard following some sane advice from a lovely PM

beesimo · 27/05/2011 18:37

OP

You put your arse on the line for follow human beings who was being abused and terrified and now you are quite rightly very annoyed at the lack of back up you feel you have had or should I say have not had. I would be livid and YANBU

It is a queer class of a carry on.

Goblinchild · 27/05/2011 18:38

You need to phone the Community police officer, they will be able to deal with the situation now rather than in a week's time. They will also be able to contact the head teacher if necessary.
With regards to school hours, our office is open til 5, but out of hours we have an answering machine. We are usually still there, but the office is unstaffed.
My son's secondary closed at 12 today, I was there later for an area co-ordinators meeting at 4pm. Their office was shut but large numbers of the staff were still there. Their office had closed at 1.30pm.

TigerseyeMum · 27/05/2011 18:38

Calm down, OP, write a witness report and charge your phone and call the police instead of getting hot-headed on an internet chat room. Call the school next week leaving a message explaining you would like someone to call you back when they are in the office.

It will be dealt with, but no one is going to jump up and down and 'do something' right now no mater how much you want them to. Of course you are upset but you are taking it out on the wrong people.

Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 18:38

following some sane advice from a lovely PM

what exactly is that supposed to mean activate?

OP posts:
Original poster
tomhardyismydh · 27/05/2011 18:40

thank you bessimo im Hmm to what is happening here to be honest,

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 27/05/2011 18:43

'following some sane advice from a lovely PM

what exactly is that supposed to mean activate?'

Probably that she got a pm advising her not to get stressed out arguing how far a school's responsibilities should stretch into the community, and how long teachers should be on call fo,r and to remember that office staff are usually not teaching staff but admin, and that a cold glass of gin might help.
Or something along those lines.

Acekicker · 27/05/2011 18:44

OK - let's break this down:

'I stopped some girls bullying this afternoon AIBU' - no you're not and you're a lot braver and more public spirited than others might be, well done, you did the right thing

'I rang the school to complain AIBU' - majority (but not all) agree that you're probably still not unreasonable, any decent school (which is almost all schools) will want to know about this kind of thing and they can then address it when the pupils are back

'the school haven't rung me back, I know it's half term but dammit they're teachers, they should be there when I call and I think this is really important AIBU to say that teachers are shit, lazy and clearly don't give a fuck about anything' - yes YABU to slag off teachers like that, see above, they will care, they will do something but they might just not do it today for any one of about 100 reasons ranging from daring to start their holiday at the appointed time, through a secretary not passing the message on, right through to dealing with seriously urgent stuff like eg a child protection issue.

TigerseyeMum · 27/05/2011 18:46

Was your question Is it wrong for thse girls to be behaving that way, or was it The school should have taken my call and didn't, and AIBU to be fuming about their lack of help?

Because everyone has said the girls were in the wrong, and you were commendable to help, but most people have said you cannot expect the school to contact you this evening out of hours and they will probably deal with it when school has reopened.

I don't really see why you would post on this forum then be Hmm about the responses? No one has had a go at you at all.

ZhenXiang · 27/05/2011 18:47

It is not directly a school matter since it happened outside school hours however I am sure school would be very interested in hearing about it since as you say the girls were in uniform. YABU about the fact that you couldn't get hold of any staff member at the school officially once the teachers have discharged their duty to ensure the children on site have left safely they are free to leave, they do early starts and late days most of the time and it is now half term they do not have to be on site. I would email the school and inform them of your experience so that the head can get the email on return to school then they can deal with it once the girls are in school, there is very little they could do now as the girls are also on half term. If you felt threatened by girls behaviour you should as you and others have suggested phone the police and report it. If the mother of the bullied child wishes to report the girls to the police and the school I am sure she will.

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 18:47

omg!! so you are NOW saying that nobody is allowed to use the wineglass emoticon on this thread because its not respectful??

and fwiw,the POLICE will need statements from both the mother and her daughter,who may not want it dragged up. did you speak to her? ask if she wanted further action?

beesimo · 27/05/2011 18:48

OP

Ignore certain parties as they would of crossed the road and looked the other way then gone home and put a AIBU on saying ' I saw a very upsetting incident today AIBU or was it ok for me to be a snivelling coward?'

You have a warrior heart which means you do get upset and angry on behalf
of others, live your life with passion and commitment there is enough
self-excusing pompous nowts about!

TigerseyeMum · 27/05/2011 18:50

Or comments from teachers and mental health workers and social workers who have to deal with this kind of behaviour every day? But have to deal with it quietly, behind closed doors, with little to no appreciation?

My tea is ready.

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 18:53

it was the end of the school year today for many teachers too remember....not just end of term. end of year.

cricketballs · 27/05/2011 18:57

I am so sorry that I left my place of work in order to spend the bank holiday weekend with my own family. Maybe I should lock myself up in school 24 hours a day...