Your best insult

[MrsGaGaGo]

Someone messaged me on here to tell me they knew a good vet :) :) :)
What's the best you've heard?
Remember it's all tongue in cheek :)

I once heard a woman call her DS a son of a bitch. He replied with "Yes, I am..."

I'd like to bury the hatchett... In your back...

My two friends were having a heated debate row about something and one says to the other 'Who lit the fuse on your tampon'

"Your breath would start the windmill in an old Dutch painting" (thank you Salem the cat!)
Save your breath for your blow up girlfriend
You brought a fart to a shit fight
If brains were dynamite you'd barely ruffle your hair

The world would be a better place if you'd run down your mother's leg.

"You've set your benchmark exceptionally low and managed not to achieve it."
"If I shine a torch in your ear, your eyes will light up".

'About as much use as the Pope's dick'... (sorry for any any offence caused)

Your mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car
heres 20p go call some who cares
take a long walk off a short pier

'I've seen more meat on a chipolata'

'If you were any slower you'd be going in reverse'

'Just one more brain cell and you could rub them together to start a fire'

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

When someone points out something pretty obvious reply with: "Thanks Captain Obvious".

I always found 'oh go jump in a lake' hilarious for some reason :o

When told of someones dreams I usually say ' I can hardly contain my indifference'. God, other peoples dreams are boring.

That's fine, you're still a cunt.

Overheard: 2 teenage girls on a bus.
'You're a knob.'
'You're a knob.'
'You know, if I'd wanted my own comeback I'd have wiped it off your boyfriend's chin'

ha ha ha ha! That's brilliant.

Shall use that the next time Bupcakes steals my insults.

little short guy in a nightclub thinking he had a lookin
i told him i like my men under 30 over six foot l and with all thier own teeth

I need you in my life like the Pope needs Durex. I have used that one. On an ex boyfriend.

You'd make a paddling pool look deep.

youve got a face like a smacked bottom.

pmsl at 'you brought a fart to a shit fight' but with a house full of males (even the cat) toilet humour gets me everytime!