Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Your best insult

98 replies

MrsGaGaGo · 27/05/2011 16:14

Someone messaged me on here to tell me they knew a good vet :) :) :)
What's the best you've heard?
Remember it's all tongue in cheek :)

OP posts:
DontCallMePeanut · 27/05/2011 16:33

I once heard a woman call her DS a son of a bitch. He replied with "Yes, I am..."

justpaddling · 27/05/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut · 27/05/2011 16:57

I'd like to bury the hatchett... In your back...

cees · 27/05/2011 16:57

My two friends were having a heated debate row about something and one says to the other 'Who lit the fuse on your tampon'

peeriebear · 27/05/2011 17:05

"Your breath would start the windmill in an old Dutch painting" (thank you Salem the cat!)
Save your breath for your blow up girlfriend
You brought a fart to a shit fight
If brains were dynamite you'd barely ruffle your hair

shortarsefuck · 27/05/2011 17:06

The world would be a better place if you'd run down your mother's leg.

QuietTiger · 27/05/2011 17:08

"You've set your benchmark exceptionally low and managed not to achieve it."
"If I shine a torch in your ear, your eyes will light up".

thebeansmum · 27/05/2011 17:08

'About as much use as the Pope's dick'... (sorry for any any offence caused)

zukiecat · 27/05/2011 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ddubsgirl · 27/05/2011 17:13

Your mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car
heres 20p go call some who cares
take a long walk off a short pier

manicbmc · 27/05/2011 17:14

'I've seen more meat on a chipolata'

'If you were any slower you'd be going in reverse'

'Just one more brain cell and you could rub them together to start a fire'

Sqee · 27/05/2011 17:17

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

IprivateI · 27/05/2011 17:19

When someone points out something pretty obvious reply with: "Thanks Captain Obvious".

StellaSays · 27/05/2011 17:35

I always found 'oh go jump in a lake' hilarious for some reason :o

CoffeeDodger · 27/05/2011 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife · 27/05/2011 17:41

When told of someones dreams I usually say ' I can hardly contain my indifference'. God, other peoples dreams are boring.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 27/05/2011 17:41

That's fine, you're still a cunt.

SnuffleTurtle153 · 27/05/2011 17:42

Overheard: 2 teenage girls on a bus.
'You're a knob.'
'You're a knob.'
'You know, if I'd wanted my own comeback I'd have wiped it off your boyfriend's chin'
Blush

LadyOfTheCuntryManor · 27/05/2011 17:45

ha ha ha ha! That's brilliant.

Shall use that the next time Bupcakes steals my insults.

issey6cats · 27/05/2011 18:06

little short guy in a nightclub thinking he had a lookin
i told him i like my men under 30 over six foot l and with all thier own teeth

saffy85 · 27/05/2011 18:08

I need you in my life like the Pope needs Durex. I have used that one. On an ex boyfriend.

saffy85 · 27/05/2011 18:11

You'd make a paddling pool look deep.

skybluepearl · 27/05/2011 19:10

youve got a face like a smacked bottom.

YellowDinosaur · 27/05/2011 19:14

pmsl at 'you brought a fart to a shit fight' GrinGrinGrin but with a house full of males (even the cat) toilet humour gets me everytime!

BeerTricksPotter · 27/05/2011 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread