Your best insult

[MrsGaGaGo]

Someone messaged me on here to tell me they knew a good vet :) :) :)
What's the best you've heard?
Remember it's all tongue in cheek :)

Fuck off you fucking supid cunt often offends.

yeh ive thought about it and ur still a cunt!

He climbed out of the shallow end of the gene pool.

He looks like the sort of person that chases parked busses.

I thought "She must have a fanny like a Kangaroo's pouch!" after reading about a woman who'd had 15 kids in 15 years.

Like I can talk. I've just squeezed out our fourth in 4 years!

,

Subtle but oh so bitchy:
Oh, you look sooooo tired. Are you ill?
:)

MrsGaGaGo- did you fall out of the ugly tree, on a bungee rope and hit every branch on the way down over and over again?

(not you obviously)

Thebreastmilksonme have you been stalking me again as you know what I look like ;)

We know what you are, we are just haggling over the price :)

Face like a well-skelped arse (DH is Glaswegian, I'll think of more I've heard off him given time)

You make Forrest Gump sound like an intellectual...

kick her in the cunt, simple yet brilliant.

"is that your face or is yer arse up for air"

"if brains were chocolate you couldn't half-fill a smartie"

"what will you do for a face when King Kong wants his arse back"

"God wasted a perfectly good arse putting teeth in that mouth of yours"

"You look like a pitbull licking pee off a stinging nettle"

"Last time i saw an arse that size Sabu was hitting it with a stick"

"She looks like she's been apple bobbing in a chip pan (or deep fat fryer if you are NOT from glasgow pmsl)

"if brains were dynamite you couldn't blow yer nose"

"that face would turn a funeral up a side street"

Was tha Fatha thick an'all

Sandwich short of a picnic

I once had a spat with someone who I had only e-mailed, a really nasty piece of work who I could do without. It turned out she was going to be at a christmas party I was going to.

Fair enough, I knew a few people going so was prepared to ignore her.

It turned out that she got quite drunk and ended up ranting at me "You hate me don't you?"

In the end I had to say to her 'No, I don't hate you. That would suggest a level of effort I'm just not prepared to make'

I often say, about my lovely but dumb old dog "if he had a bit more brainpower he would be a potplant"

The ones I can use around younger ears include Heidthabaw (I'm Scottish), Clownshoes and my personal favourite Bon Jovi called, he want's his jacket back (this one is interchangeable, there are hundreds of possibilities).

chirpchirp ha ha ha @ heidthebaw that's my dad's favourite..... well that and arse

You've got a face like a melted welly.
Away take a flying fuck to yourself.
Face like a baboons arse in action!
Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
You were a stain on the bed till your mum rolled over.
You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.

Some great ones on here

Just another glaswegian one - hey you have you got a pillow with that heid?

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle makes me chuckle!

A lad I once worked with to another lad (who worked for a rival racing yard)

'Was your mother a weight lifter?'

'Cos she must have been to raise a dumb bell like you!'

I may not be a pancake expert........but you're a tosser.
Jump back in your plant pot, and grow the fuck up

To someone whose trousers aren't quite long enough: Why don't you spread jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea?

To anyone who has parked miles from the pavement, as they're getting out of the car: Enjoy your trip to the kerb!

Is your face hurting? Because it's killing me.

I did manage one in an argument once which was -

"you're what I call a triple threat, fat, ugly and stupid..."

To which they tried to be cocky and said "why is that a threat?"

So I said "because if bitches like you keep breeding the human race wont be here in 100 years...."

They shut up then.

You know, you are so far up your own arse you're gonna meet yourself coming back.