to think it's wrong to control portions/eating of a 3yo girl?

[petitfromage]

A lovely friend of mine has a dd same age as my ds, they are great friends and have tea together every week. Her dd is ever so slightly chunky (not overweight IMHO but just a bit more 'solid' than others) and as a consequence her mother is consciously reducing the amount she eats. When they are having tea together (often with other friends there too) her mum is always reducing her portion size, asking for the ice cream to be taken off or slipping half her pasta off her bowl and onto others plates. I'm just starting to feel like she might be forcing her 3yo dd to start worrying about her weight/looks when it's the last thing she should be thinking about. She is a good eater - miles better than my ds but I think these things will even themselves out over time.
Should I bring it up with my friend or let it go? Personally I'd be more inclined to up her running around/swimming etc and try to avoid fatty snacks before I'd change her eating habits but with a fussy eater at home I've no idea how I'd really react if it was my son. One of my other friends did notice it though and brought up the issue hence my post here..... thoughts please???

No, she's doing the right thing, IMO. She shouldn't make to much fuss about it though, just do it. In my family, there is a child whose portions were not controlled. Now the parents are trying to do it when she's 10 years old and wears clothes as big as I do. Maybe bigger, her waist is wider than mine.

If she's eating too much then portion control is sensible.

I would agree petit. If a 3-yr old is overweight, then I would look at exercise levels and possibly overall diet - not portion size.

Yabu.

Some children (both of mine) are prone to becoming overweight through over eating. Ds1 (6) is only now starting to stop eating when he is full. Before that he would eat whatever was put on his plate. We got a bit lax with ds2 for a while and the impact on his weight was clear.

Tbh I wish my parents had taught me better portion control.

I do this with my dd (4) if I feel there is too much on her plate. She sounds the same sort of build as your friends dd - not overweight but can see the potential to be if portion size not controlled.

The reason I do it is - she doesn't seem to have an 'off' switch when she is full if she is enjoying something. I see other children would can be given a large plate of food but only eat what is necessary to make them feel 'full'.

I do worry about making my dd feel conscious but try to do it very subtly and it's only necessary if we are out as at home I put the amount on her plate I think is acceptable. She will often clear her plate at home but rarely asks for me so the way I see it if it's there she'll eat it but she wouldn't necessarily need it all.

She does do lots of exercise (gymnastics, swimming, bike riding, lots of walking). Give your friend a break she's just trying to do what she thinks is best

Agree v messy hence the reason I've avoided giving opinion even though she has talked to me about her worries. She's (the mum) naturally slim so I think a bit concerned by slightly chunky toddler. Also she seems to think it's more of a worry as she's a girl???

rarely asks for more

Actually Whatever that is exactly what she said, that she doesn't seem to be able to stop when she is full. At nursery she will eat 2 lunches no problem apparently (my DS will struggle through one, but then he leaves the healthy stuff and gorges on pud so which is better?).
Just think it seems very harsh on an (only just) 3yo. You've got the rest of your life to worry about this kind of thing.

I'd leave it if I were you petitfromage.

The mother is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. She will have people judging her in the street, letters home from the school, and all sorts of bollocks happening once the child is school age so she's trying to address it now.

A chunky child doesn't need piles of pasta and ice cream. Some of the serving sizes even of child portion meals in reastaurants and play places etc are outrageously large. Portion size does matter, as much as being active and the kinds of foods. In fact, if you reduce portion size of meals, it sometimes "affords" a treat in between which can make the child feel less deprived and is phsychologically not a bad thing.

I'm sure she knows what she is doing, unless the child is looking painfully thin or sick I think you can assume she is getting enough.

I think it is sensible to be careful about portion size in young children. I have seen some posters up somewhere - maybe at the doctors - or wasn't there a rather patronising ad campaign about it recently - a cartoon with a boy saying, "My mum doessn't realise I don't need man-size portions," etc. I mean, they were a little childish but the message was sound. I do feel a lot of people forget how small children's stomachs are and, as has been said, not all dc know when to stop.

If your friend is making comments to her dd that might be making her anxious about food then she should cetainly stop that. However, if she is subtly removing food or asking adults not to put so much on, out of earshot of her dd, then I think she's being sensible.

What makes you think she is more concerned because the child is a girl?

Just to add:

"Her dd is ever so slightly chunky (not overweight IMHO but just a bit more 'solid' than others) "

Has it occured to you if she does this and the child is described as above, that if she didn't do it the child might be obese?

Just saying...

Far worse to let your child become overweight or to only implement portion control later on once eating habits have been formed.

I can imagine it might seem harsh (my mum does comment to me they think I'm a bit mean at parties for not letting her just pile her plate up) but genuinely I am just trying to avoid future problems and your friend probably is too. She is a really good eater and will eat fruit and veg just as well as treats.

No, I don't think it's harsh at all if she can eat and eat and not know when she is full/to stop eating.
In fact, I'd be supporting her. She's preventing her child having weight problems in later life, to not spend the rest of her life worrying about it.

"You've got the rest of your life to worry about this kind of thing."

If the mother doesn't nip it in the bud now, that little girl has the rest of her life to worry about her weight! Surely better to deal with it now?

YABVU. A lot of kids these days are overweight - so much so that it looks normal. If the child looks 'a little chunky' the chances are she is quite overweight. Your friend is being very sensible to tackle this and that means looking at what she eats, how much she is eating and how much exercise she is getting.
A 3 year old who eats adult portions for eg would be overweight so there has to be some limit and overweight kids tend to turn into overweight adults with all the associated health risks.
If I was you I would be supporting your friend ie offerring healthy puddings such as fruit rather than ice cream when she is at your house.
The only thing I do agree with is that the fact that the child is overweight or strategies to address it shouldn't be discussed in front of her - does her mother do this?

Completely disagree with hogsback. Portion size is key, I think. It's easy to get into the habit of giving kids portions that are too big for them, especially if you're used to cooking for adults, or your other children are older. That sends a subliminal message to the kids about the amount of food they are supposed to eat, and may skew their sense of a normal portion way higher than their actual hunger. No matter how healthy the food and overall diet, people will get fat if the quantities are too large.

It's always better to give slightly less and wait for kids to ask for more than pile the plate full and assume they'll know when to stop. Some kids (and adults) just enjoy the act of eating for its own sake, which is fine as far as it goes, but not healthy if it ends with someone consistently eating more than they actually need.

As long as the mother is doing it discreetly and not making food an issue by discussing weight or eating with the child, then I think she's acting sensibly.

To give you an example my dd is 19/20kg and 106cm tall so a healthy weight for her height but both (h and w) hover around 90th centile and always have. This is with tonnes of exercise/activity and portion/treat control. To my mind it wouldn't take too much to tip the balance.

Ds2(6) and I had s really good chat about how we only need to eat enough to give our bodies the energy we need. All was going well until:

Me: if we eat more than we need for energy the our body will turn it into fat to store it for another day.
Ds1: is that what happened to you mummy?

Little swine

YANBU about the way she's doing it - making a thing of it in front of her dd and friends.

I wish my mother had had a clue about portion sizes when I was growing up.

Seriously, I was able to eat as much as my dad when I was 7 years old. And his job was manual labour.

I think your friend is doing the best for her daughter without making as much of an issue over it, than it might become if she began controlling portions at ten years old

It doesn't say anywhere in the OP that the mum is making an issue of it. In fact 'slipping pasta into other peoples bowls' sounds as if she is being quite discreet.
I think in fairness to the OP - if you have a child who doesn't eat well you don't really have to think too much about portion control.

My DD is 3.2 and she is a very tall and well built girl - infact same height and weight as your DD Whatevertheweather. I do control her portions because she will eat everything that is on her plate, regardless of what it is - veg/treat - doesn't matter to her at all. I agree that it wouldn't take much to tip the balance and my DD is also very active and there is no more to be done in that area. OP - YABU - I would be silly not to control her portions. She eats much more than her tall 5 year old brother.