to think it's wrong to control portions/eating of a 3yo girl?

[petitfromage]

A lovely friend of mine has a dd same age as my ds, they are great friends and have tea together every week. Her dd is ever so slightly chunky (not overweight IMHO but just a bit more 'solid' than others) and as a consequence her mother is consciously reducing the amount she eats. When they are having tea together (often with other friends there too) her mum is always reducing her portion size, asking for the ice cream to be taken off or slipping half her pasta off her bowl and onto others plates. I'm just starting to feel like she might be forcing her 3yo dd to start worrying about her weight/looks when it's the last thing she should be thinking about. She is a good eater - miles better than my ds but I think these things will even themselves out over time.
Should I bring it up with my friend or let it go? Personally I'd be more inclined to up her running around/swimming etc and try to avoid fatty snacks before I'd change her eating habits but with a fussy eater at home I've no idea how I'd really react if it was my son. One of my other friends did notice it though and brought up the issue hence my post here..... thoughts please???

It seems to me that you (the OP) think that your mate's child being chubby is not a problem because it shows she's a 'good eater', which is something you struggle with your DS. Just because she eats 'nicely' it isn't a good thing. Like you said - two end of spectrum.

one thing that I have done that seems to be working is to serve food on a smaller child sized plate for the DC rather than an adult one iyswim.

Personally I would cook one chicken breast for my two to share (although DD would eat a whole one by herself) and bulk it out with veg/spuds etc...

I think as parents we always worry our kids aren't eating enough..that's natural. When they do start eating loads, it can be quite a relief..especially if the food is a decent meal (healthy) but that doesn't mean over eating should be encouraged.

I grew up in an Irish family who were obsessed with feeding children up. You should have seen the massive bowls of stew some of my cousins/siblings would get through and then ask for seconds because Mum or Aunt was hovering with the pot and a ladle!

But actually back then, the kids played out from dawn til dusk..burning every single calorie so they were always hungry but also very slim. Pudding was only on a Sunday or if we had guests and sweets/fizzy drinks/cakes etc...really were a now and again treat.

So over feeding kids or adults who aren't constantly burning it off, will of course cause too much weight gain.

I keep an eye on portions, DS1 is a human dustbin, no need to say anything, we just have small portions to start with, and if he is still hungry afterwards he can have some more.

Rarely happens though, usually he is full on what he is given. We are a very active family and still eat a lot less than most I know, I don't however have anytime for low fat or diets, real food, enough of it and heaps of exercise is the way with kids.

With your DS I would have a look at running the legs off him, after a 10k hike DS1 would eat anything!

I don't think what she is doing is healthy for her child at all.

Slipping things off a child's plate is unfair as is asking for food to be taken away if the child is preparing to eat it. Why doesn't she measure portion size before she dishes up . A 3 yo will drop weight very quickly from illness and it's not a good idea to be so controlling with food at such a young age. The child will pick up on it. Much better to offer as much as the child wants of healthier food than do what she is doing.

sorry, I think you should be supporting your friend, i.e. letting her dish up the portion size she wants for her dd and then providing healthy dessert. I think you have a valid point that your friend may not be terribly discreet with her portion control, but if you supported her by letting her dish up the portion size she wants for her dd, then she wouldn't have to slip more onto other people's plate.

It also sounds like you are having ice-cream every time she comes over (apologies if I've misunderstood) my dd is a normal ish weight and I would consider ice-cream to be an occasional treat, not something to have every week. You have to bear in mind that there may be other occasions when it's difficult to avoid a 'treat' (e.g. when they see doting grandparents!) and then you're having several 'treats' a week.

I think she is being sensible - and the child sounds like me! I would just eat as a child whatever was put in front of me and I don't remember feeling full up. Even now, I have to stop eating before I feel full up if I don't want to be fat.

And I was a fat child even though I ate loads of fruit and veg, rarely had sweets and did lots of exercise. But if portions are too big, children and adults will put on weight in spite of this.

PLease let it go - this lady is doing her best to control portion size. I ended up at a dietician with my very over weight child and couldn't understand why. Despite eating healthily, all fresh food, fruit and salads and home-cooked and plenty of exercise what was I doing wrong? Giving a five year old the same size portions as myself that's what.

It took over 18 months to get the weight off as it was a gradual thing and not intended to be dieting.

Now my dd is a fit and trim 11yr old with a huge appetite that still needs policing occasionally.

But Scarlett what if 'as much as the child wants' of even healthy food is leading to the child being overweight? Is it good parenting for the mum to allow this to continue? I agree she's not going about it in the right way but, to be fair, the OP doesn't sound like she'd be too receptive to the mum discreetly asking her to serve smaller portions as she's decided that she's depriving her child by watching out for her health

you cant win

potion control= develop food anxiety
no portion control = childhood obeity

poor girl

All the people on here who are saying that kids should eat as much as they want, as far as I can see, either have kids with food issues or fast metabolisms so they don't NEED to control portions. If they had a child who would want 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th helpings at every meal and was overweight they might change their tune.
Theres no need whatsoever for kids to develop food issues by being fed a sensible diet that is appropriate to their age and level of activity. I make the amount of food we need so there's never leftovers. I wouldn't let my child go hungry and they always have access to healthy things like chopped veg sticks etc in the fridge that they will eat between meals if they are hungry but not just if they are bored or because it's their favourite.

My son's a chunk and I do this, I do it descreetly though. The fact is, if I didn't he would gain weight. His skinny mate eats the world and his mum is worried that he's underweight, she bulks up his meals with high calorie food.

Both her child and mine have similar lifestyles. Its hard to portion control out of the home without actually removing half the dinner, at home I load his plate with veg (which he adores) so that he feels full, at restaurants the meals are really loaded with calories and low on veg. Its a nightmare really.

If you're kid's even slightly overweight you're damned as a bad parent, if you try to control it, you're damned again for giving them weight issues. You cannot win.

My son loves healthy food, I cook from scratch most days (I like it, I'm not polishing a halo) but he has a big appetite, and would eat a plate of veg as happily as a plate of chips.. I have to do something else he'll start realising he's a big lad and I don't want him disliking himself.

It is totally about the way it's done. DD knows that if we go out to Pizza Hut for a treat or something she can have pizza followed by a few bowls of ice cream and that's fine. She also knows that to eat that type of food or that amount every day wouldn't be healthy - there's no need to mention weight whatsoever - just be honest with your kids about what is healthy.

I do this to my daughter she was overweight as a baby/toddler but she has slimmed down loads as she has got to 3 but thats due to me regulating her portions. I dont want her to have a weight problem for the rest of her life, and thats what children will have if they dont have their portions regulated.

We had a very healthy diet when I was a child and spent all day outside on healthy play. My eldest brother still became overweight because he never mastered the idea of portion control. He was the only one out of 4 siblings: the rest of us just stopped eating when we'd had a reasonable portion, he didn't. He is now in his mid-fifties and struggling to retrain himself over eating, he has been overweight all his life but has now had a heart attack scare. Not sure where my parents went wrong- or even if they went wrong, but clearly he didn't need unhealthy foods or a sedentary lifestyle to get overweight.

My dd is as op describes this child. I do the exact same with my dd. I disagree it will cause her eating problems as it does not seem the mum is making any issue out of it. on the contrary I believe it encourages positive attitude towards food. Eat less move more is a simple and effective moto.

I do have some sympathy with op. My bf has a nightmare of a fussy eater and we have tried everything (no snacks, running the legs off her, food put down without comment) this little girl (who is a complete poppet in all other espects btw,) just isn't bothered and would happily starve herself. (She bumps along the bottom of the chart for weight, she is quite tall). My friend does 'nt get it, when I deny my children any food (for eg; it will be supper time in 10 minutes or they have had enough fruit) she always thinks more food =good because of her daughter. Luckily my dcs are of average build, I think dd would be chubby if I let her eat what she liked.

I do think that self regulation of food is the best thing we can teach our children, to recognise they are full and to stop. Could kill my in laws when they try to encourage my children to eat more, empty their plates etc...

I think the trick is to serve a small portion - twice the size of THEIR fists is what they should be eating at each meal.

I have some nephew/nieces that are bottomless pits, it is best to nip it in the bud early. My DC eat when they are bored. Lots of exercise is also key.

DD does get a bit round before a growth spurt and eats loads, but then stops and thins out. They do still grow at 3 and onwards, so of course one day/week they need more food than another.

My DD did not like food for the first 2 years of her life - I stopped cajouling her with food and making a fuss. I would eat my food and chat. She started eating when she was 3 - I hate "one more spoon" which again my in laws are great fans. They do look after my niece and nephew - who are bottomless pits, correlation I don't know.

I guess I let my DD eat what she wants (no junk) and how much because I know she does self-regulate. I also know that genetically she is unlikely to be overweight, that she is very active, and that she eats when she is hungry and not because she is bored. Each child is an individual, and you have to trust that the mother knows best.