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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saw this headline, thought "It's GOT to be a Mumsnetter!"

437 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 24/05/2011 12:21

Yeah, yeah, it's a Daily Mail article but still [[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1389593/Are-PC-parents-world-The-couple-raising-genderless-baby--protect-right-choice.html BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Grin

They're coco loco, right? Surely no-one can say "fuck off, there's a dear" to THIS one?!

OP posts:
WinePig · 24/05/2011 20:26

What a pair of knob heads experimenting with their baby like that. Bet the GP's took a peep the minute they were left alone with Storm - their 'secret' was probably known by all their friends within a few days.

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 20:37

If I was the grandparent I certainly would-for the sake of the poor DC!

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 20:40

I don't think he (I think it is a boy) will be in a playground-they would have to fill in forms, so would have to HE.

4madboys · 24/05/2011 20:43

they are already HE their eldest as apparently he would get teased for having long hair and liking pink Hmm

tell that to my boys who have all had long hair at some point (two still do) and the one that regularly wears pink/purple dresses and fairy costumes to school!

BornInAfrica · 24/05/2011 20:43

I don't get this shit at all. There are two genders. The child is one of them. That should be the end of it really. These people are quite clearly howling at the fucking moon.

Honeybee79 · 24/05/2011 20:52

I appreciate their sentiment and I'm sure they're doing it for the best possible reasons but I suspect this will cause the child heartbreak. Why not just bring the child up as the gender that he/she (biologically) is but teach the child that he/she needn't be constrained by traditional stereotypes?

There is no getting round the fact that the child has a gender (unless the child is intersex which is not suggested in the article). Why not embrace that without seeing it as limiting?

BornInAfrica · 24/05/2011 20:54

What 'best possible reasons' ffs - that's like getting a cat and bringing it up as a budgie so's not to stereotype it as a cat! Freaking ridiculous!

Honeybee79 · 24/05/2011 20:56

What I meant is that I'm sure they don't mean the child harm and that they THINK they're doing the right thing but teaching a child that gender is not just biological but also cultural. Obviously, it's misguided.

As I said, I suspect it will end in pain for the child. Our children shouldn't be the objects of cultural experiment.

ziptoes · 24/05/2011 21:23

Thanks for the link to the other couple who've done that, Nixea. I followed some of the links from that story and they are fascinating.

Haven't any of you considered that given this is a Daily Fail article (haven't followed the link, don't want to grace them with my click), that it may just possibly be written to elicit the most knejerkery it can. Nixea's link, and the comments underneath, suggests that there's far more to the story than seems to have met some of your eyes.

DH was once asked how old our daughter was, about DS. When he asked why the person thought DS was a girl - they said it was because he has blonde hair - ridiculous. Gender stereotypes are largely socially constructed and very very strongly socially ingrained in our culture. That doesn't mean they don't exist, and they play a very strong role in shaping our children's dress choices, styles of play and life aspirations. Dress is not so important, but I do think it's important to teach our children that they have equal potential in the world.

Reading that back it doesn't make as much sense as I wish it did, but I'm tired.

LDNmummy · 24/05/2011 21:23

Agree with tambern and tobylerone. And I am.doing something along these lines with my child kungfupanda. Not as extreme as this I assure you but I am not allowing any gender specific clothing or items for my LO whom I found out yesterday to be a girl. Would have been the same for a little boy. Society is too Hung up on assigning gender roles and I will not inflict that on my child.

stillstanding · 24/05/2011 21:33

LOL at the cat/budgie, Borninafrica!

stillstanding · 24/05/2011 21:43

A lot of people try to avoid gender stereotyping, LDNmummy - there is nothing unusual in that. But the fact is that it is very VERY difficult to do in RL. Am assuming that your DD is going to wear only unisex clothes so no dresses/skirts, just jeans and tshirts. Have to be careful with the jeans as some can be boyish. And you'll have to be careful with the tshirts too as some pictures on them are girly and some boyish. So guess you will have to go plain there too ... Sounds very boring! Even if you manage to pull that off you will, even with the best of intentions, inflict your own gender (and other) prejudices on your child subsconsciously.

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 22:19

I think it is a basic human right to have everyone know your gender. He/she will have to decide which toilet to visit-although I expect the mother is a controlling one who will insist the DC still goes into the ladies with her at 6 yrs and gets changed in the ladies for swimming etc. In fact they are making sure that the DC can't have any freedom-they always have to be stuck to the parent.
The whole thing is silly, in the modern world, they can't go past the preschool years without conforming.The school for example will need the gender for forms and funding.The child will need to know which toilets to use in the infants. They haven't thought it through.

exoticfruits · 24/05/2011 22:22

They will find that the child itself will be quite plain-you can have these daft experiments-getting the DC to co operate is quite another matter.

Pixel · 24/05/2011 23:33

I think they are a bit too late for the revolution anyway. There are plenty of long-haired boys and short-haired girls about, you can buy pink clothes for boys, there are lots of girls who live in tracksuits and jeans. Does anyone really take any notice any more? Don't people generally wear and do what they like nowadays? Kids are rarely told they can't do something because of their gender (girls in the scouts?).

Blimey, I was born in the (late!) sixties and I remember having lots of toy cars, footballs, cap guns etc as well as my dolls. Even back then it wasn't a big deal and my parents weren't trying to prove any kind of point. Just because everyone knew I was a girl it didn't mean I was forced to behave like Nellie Olsen!

Leverkusen · 25/05/2011 06:31

What is wrong with having a gender though/ It is wrong to take that choice away from the cild imo, they maybe the parents, but they do not have the right to take away the child's gender. It isn't right to do some sort of social experiment with your child to this extent.

I am all for not conforming to gender roles and steretypes, but there is nothing wrong at all with having a gender. Stupid people.

Stillstanding- 'Am assuming that your DD is going to wear only unisex clothes so no dresses/skirts, just jeans and tshirts. Have to be careful with the jeans as some can be boyish. And you'll have to be careful with the tshirts too as some pictures on them are girly and some boyish. So guess you will have to go plain there too ... Sounds very boring!'

Why can only little girsl wear dresses and skirts? Who says that unisex clothes are only jeans and tshirts? Surely the point of not confomring to gender stereotypes is that you ignore what the stereotypes are?

BeamMysterious · 25/05/2011 06:55

What a bizarre story. Poor child. :(

I've got boys and girls, brought up the same way, they made their own choices from the jumble of stereotypical "boys" and "girls" toys we had - most kids do, in my experience.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2011 07:26

A DC is a precious gift, not a social experiment.
I think it all boils down to the fact he is a third boy and they, already having 2 boys, wanted a girl.
If I was the grandparent I would simply send off for the birth certificate and not 'play the game'.

stillstanding · 25/05/2011 09:38

Leverkusen, LDNmummy said that she was not going to allow gender-specific clothing for her DD. I think that most people would think that skirts/dresses were for girls and that if you were trying to "protect" your DC from their gender you would therefore avoid those. But, sure, boys can wear skirts/dresses if they want,

TobyLerone · 25/05/2011 10:01

There are two genders.

No, not necessarily. There are two biological sexes. Gender and genitalia are not always the same thing.

FFS, people! All this talk about what toilet (s)he will use is ridiculous. They're not trying to hide the child's biological sex from it. They are simply choosing not to tell people whether it has a penis or a vagina. It's not exactly 'revolutionary'. When the child is old enough to notice its genitalia itself, it will know whether it is a boy or a girl. They're not disputing what sex the child is, nor are they trying to influence that. That would be impossible.

They are just trying to allow the child to be a child.

nethunsreject · 25/05/2011 10:11

I think it is fabulous.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2011 10:31

Fabulous as long as it is not being done to you nethunsreject!
I still think it is their third boy and they wanted girls.
They want a boy who isn't going to fashion a gun out of sticks or toast! I have news for them- it doesn't work!! I would love them to come back in 10yrs and tell us how they went. I stick to my first comment-mad as hatters.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2011 10:32

Of course the majority of the population tell people they have a girl or a boy and don't allow a child to be a child Hmm-I have never heard such rubbish!!

dittany · 25/05/2011 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 25/05/2011 10:44

I am SO glad that Dittany is batting for the same side as me on this. I was starting to wonder of I was going insane.

OP posts:
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