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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a parent to sit in my kitchen forcan hour whilst her ds has a guitar lesson?

125 replies

GColdtimer · 23/05/2011 22:45

dh is a guitar teacher. Most parents either drop their kids then and pop off for an hour or sit in their car reading a book. A fairly new student's mum gas said that becsuse of the traffic she will read her book in our kitchen for an hour.

Aibu to really not want her in my kitchen, especially between 3-4 on a Friday afternoon. And if I aibu, what do I say without seeming quite mean?

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 24/05/2011 13:42

Sorry, that should read "amazed at people who don't realise that attending a house for business purposes does not give them the right to wander it at will.

ronx · 24/05/2011 13:50

Surely at the age of 14 the child is old enough to travel to music lessons alone?

ChaoticAngelbitchfromhell · 24/05/2011 13:52

YANBU She can either wait in the room where the lesson is being held, the car or the tea shop. Your kitchen is not available for use. If a 14 year old needs a chaperone, which I'd be Hmm at, then it would have to be the first option.

emptyshell · 24/05/2011 13:55

This sort of scenario is exactly why I only tutor at kids' houses (or local libraries etc)... because I don't want the arkward do I wait/do I bugger off to Tescos and enjoy the peace/do I sit in debacle (and I don't want to have to do the washing up, plus the parking on this street's shit).

I'm more than happy for parents to sit in - a few do for a couple of lessons, most don't - but for someone to announce they're plonking themselves in my kitchen for an hour to avoid the traffic would piss me off and I wouldn't think it was fair to put my husband in that situation tbh.

I'd offer that she either sits in the lesson, or point her to was it a nice tea shop you mentioned round the corner? Or can you orchestrate a synchronised finger painting or playdough session with the cabbage boiling and fish gutting?

Smuddy81 · 24/05/2011 13:55

I teach music lessons at my home and I always allow parents to stay if they so wish. Sometimes they dont want to but I cant see any reason why it wouldnt be acceptable. Many of my pupils travel a fair distance to see me and I wouldnt have them wait in the car if it was too far to go home. I usually offer them a cuppa too! (They are my 'clients' after all!)

KurriKurri · 24/05/2011 13:59

My DD had piano and trumpet lessons. The piano teacher had alittle spare room she used as a waiting room (although I never used it) trumpet teacher was a long way away in the middle of nowhere so I sat in on the lessons and read a book.

Wouldn't have dreamt of expecting his wife to have me lurking about in her kitchen while she was trying to put kids to bed. Is there anywhere out of the way she could sit (I'm thinking garden shed Grin)

mistlethrush · 24/05/2011 14:03

My parents never waited with me - I got thrust in the front door and they escaped! And as for waiting for the previous lesson to finish - I think I used to sit on the stairs for my piano lesson, and I used to go and unpack my viola in a study (with no chairs) for that so I was ready to start as soon as the last person's lesson had stopped - tuning up whilst they were packing up.

You are completely reasonable to say no. Hard chair in the hall is the most accommodating option. Better option would be to say 'you're very welcome to stay in the room with DS'. That is the area being used for teaching - none of the rest of your house needs to be imposed upon.

2rebecca · 24/05/2011 14:11

When my son had a 45 minute guitar lesson I just used to go to the local pub and read. If it isn't convenient for her to stay you should just tell her that and suggest places she can go for the lesson. I wouldn't want someone sitting in my house for an hour a week.
My son's music teacher said "no parents" as the kids act up a bit and don't take the lesson as seriously. He said if a child wasn't old enough to be left with him then'd he'd rather they waited until older or found another teacher.

indiechick · 24/05/2011 14:24

I can sort of understand it if the kid was 7, would probably want to sit in on a couple of lessons with my dd initially. But the kid is 14. Surely he/she is old enough to have a lesson alone? It seems weird after not asking previously that she suddenly wants to do it. Did she have a bad experience in her car last week or something?

RevoltingPeasant · 24/05/2011 14:37

YANBU.

My mum has taught languages as a private tutor since I was tiny, and there are lots of small accommodations that one has to make in one's home around this sort of thing - e.g., the landline has to have a professional answerphone message, or we have to have a separate landline - we have one room kitted up as a classroom - the area through to the classroom from the front door always has to be kept tidy etc.

But that is about it - you really cannot expect to intrude on other areas of the house. People who get one-on-one tuition in someone's home get a fantastic service cheap, because the same service offered in professional building would be more expensive due to overheads. So if this woman is too lazy/ PFB/ whatever to pay for a music school, then she has to entertain herself during the lesson.....

Sounds like your DH need to have a 'policy' about this - maybe put it on the website or at least practise rattling it off glibly....

MackerelOfFact · 24/05/2011 14:42

YANBU. Remove all the chairs from the kitchen, pretend not to notice she's having to stand, and keep making strange offers of refreshement. "Oh, sorry, how rude of me. Can I get you some cucumber?" or "Pom bear, anyone?" Grin

motherinferior · 24/05/2011 14:47

I have to say there is no way on this earth I would want to sit in one of my children's music lessons.

And agree that a 14 year old should be getting himself to his own damn classes.

duchesse · 24/05/2011 14:54

My daughter's horn teacher's wife bakes kilos of cakes and flapjacks a week for parents staying while their child has a lesson. She's very happy to do it even though it means 50+ people through her kitchen every week. They live in the deepest countryside though so maybe different from town situation on a bus route.

libelulle · 24/05/2011 20:07

As I said before, no reason to allow her free rein of the house, but imo some of the posters here go too far the other way - music teachers provide a service, for considerable amounts of money from the parents' perspective (if not, I'm quite aware, from the teacher's!), so turfing accompanying parents or siblings out in the rain on principle seems to me to be a bit unreasonable - some kind of chair, somewhere, seems a bare minimum to me (hard chair in a corridor is fine!).

I can't help but think of a friend of mine - professional violinist in a top orchestra - whose love of the instrument was first kindled by sitting in on her sister's violin lessons, listening to what went on and being given sweets by the teacher. Good job not every teacher sees their pupils' family as an awful imposition!

2rebecca · 24/05/2011 23:09

Why would you prefer to sit in a hard chair in a corridoor than a comfy seat in your car? This mum drove there so has a dry car to sit in. I found music teachers operating from home fairly cheap so didn't feel inclined to push things by insisting on staying in the guy's fairly small house.
I can't believe there isn't a pub within a short walk or drive, or that if the weather's nice she can't just go for a walk or read a book in her car. Different if in winter.

A1980 · 24/05/2011 23:17

At 14 years of age a child is old enough to go to the GP alone and obtain god knows what treatment or in the case of girls obtain the pill without parental knowledge.

But some don't think it is odd that this 14 year old's mummy has to drop him off and wait in the kitchen for him. He's old enough to go it alone and be alone in the music lesson. He isn't a baby.

MavisEnderby · 24/05/2011 23:27

Op yanbu.When I read your op I thought that the dc in question would be small like ds,not a 14 yo!ds is 7 and is learning guitar.I have every faith in his teacher,and even at 7 leave them alone to do the musical stuff!

ravenAK · 24/05/2011 23:42

I'd honestly expect a 14 year old to get himself to & from his music lesson, assuming it's walking distance or public transport-able.

Failing which, I'd be dropping him & nipping off to do a supermarket shop or something.

I'm ever so slightly weirded out by this whole reading in the car/hard chair in the hall malarkey, tbh. How has anyone got either the time or the inclination?

duchesse · 25/05/2011 02:55

Maybe the mum doesn't trust the boy to go to his lesson and might instead spend the hour hanging out with his mate unless she stays with him?

legspinner · 25/05/2011 05:37

Hmm, interesting thread and I have often wondered about etiquette here as well ...DCs' piano teacher teaches from our house one afternoon a week. Bit different from your situation OP as we know the families and the lessons are shorter, and most of the children arrive by themselves and their parents pick up later. I'd be a bit taken aback if someone I didn't know announced they were going to sit in the kitchen and read for an hour... I think I would direct them into the lesson room, or somewhere out of the way somewhere (not the kitchen!!)
I'm quite surprised that he is 14 yo and isn't getting himself to and from your house though....

legspinner · 25/05/2011 05:38

PS Grin at fish gutting, I could loan you my DH!

Bucharest · 25/05/2011 06:44

libelulle- I think the point is, the mother in question would be taking up the time, not of the teacher, who is already busy with the kid, but with the rest of the family! (in which case she should be paying 2 people for an hour of their time, not 1!!) Why should the OP have to entertain the family of her husband's student?
It would be like me, whilst teaching, sending the mother and /or sibling of the child I am teaching, into the bedroom to play with dp and dd. In other words a loon idea.

CurrySpice · 25/05/2011 06:56

Just out of interest silverfrog why do you wait at "most" of your DDs' activities? How old are they?

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 25/05/2011 07:40

Wow, just seen that your DH provides the guitar. So the boy really doesn't need a lift - unless you live in the middle of nowhere. Are you near a bus route?

This thread has been interesting, as I'm thinking of starting to tutor soon (piano/maths) - our house is absolutely tiny, so there is literally nowhere to sit apart from the living room, where the tuition would take place. Maybe I should go to their houses instead, though that may be tricky as I don't have a car.

Bonsoir · 25/05/2011 07:43

You need to be very clear that you do not provide waiting accommodation for parents during guitar lessons.