To not want a parent to sit in my kitchen forcan hour whilst her ds has a guitar lesson?

[GColdtimer]

dh is a guitar teacher. Most parents either drop their kids then and pop off for an hour or sit in their car reading a book. A fairly new student's mum gas said that becsuse of the traffic she will read her book in our kitchen for an hour.

Aibu to really not want her in my kitchen, especially between 3-4 on a Friday afternoon. And if I aibu, what do I say without seeming quite mean?

[GColdtimer]

Gandalf, you sound like my dh. He is often found to be murmuring "why can't he get on his bike like I had to" (he provides a guitar before you flame me )

As I said parents can sit in and some do for the first lesson or so, but the vast majority do something else. We just don't have the luxury of having space to seat people in our home for an hour without it encroaching on family life and our living room is on the first floor so that wouldn't really work either.

I have on occasion invited someone in, once when her toddler was having a strop and she came in to play with dd1. In all honesty I would feel a bit awkward waiting in someone else's living space.

[Bucharest]

Absolutely NBU.

I do private English lessons at home and parents do not stay, ever. They are not given the option. (occasionally a new one will say "how do you want to do this, shall I stay or leave him?" and I reply, "oh no, you must go, ha ha, they find it terribly offputting knowing their parent is in the house and they get all blocked and shy, and then it's a waste of your lovely MONEY isn't it ha ha". Usually does the trick. They wouldn't sit in the school waiting for their PFB, so they are not sitting in my house looking at my scuzzy housekeeping.

[Bucharest]

My youngest students are 6 and 7. Their parents don't stay either.

[WriterofDreams]

Run a coffee shop from 3-4 on a Friday. Bake a cake and charge her £5 a slice and a further £2 for coffee. There's great profit to be made here!

[Bucharest]

at WriterofDreams.

I imagine as well, if guitar lessons are anything like language lessons, that your husband is charging far less, and doing the lessons at a time which suits the student primarily. (eg my lessons are when the student wants them, even Sunday morning, and they pay 15 euro. The English school in town does lessons at 45 euro a pop and between 6 and 9pm only.) They also don't pay for lessons they cancel at the last minute, unlike the English school. The convenience cuts both ways.

My house is also tiny.....Yesterday I had a student at 2.30 (dd who finishes school at 1.30 hadn't even finished her lunch but it was the only time the student could come. The entire family arrived, as usual, mother , student and little sister, and little sister, as usual throws a tanty because she wants to stay with big sister. "ha ha off you go with Mum,see you later" opening the door as you shoo them all out. Sorted.

The point is, my house (like the OP's) is not an organisation where one might be expected to be allowed to wait with a glossy magazine and toilet facilities. If that's what they want, they go for that (far more costly) option.

I am of course, the best in town, so it's never an ishooo.

[mum0fthree]

Very relevant thread, DS 7 (AS) is starting piano lessons next week. This is something I was wondering about.

On the one hand I am reluctant to leave him with a stranger but on the other hand he is a perfectionist and his inability to play chopin in the first lesson will most probably set him off, if he knows I am in the vicinity he may try to come to me and refuse to have his lesson. New things are very difficult for him due to AS.

[Hassled]

I can't quite get my head around the sense of what - entitlement? - that the mother has. I can't imagine announcing I'd sit in someone's kitchen for an hour - it's just breathtaking. I think you just need to go crazy and say "No. Sorry, it's not convenient" :o

[nethunsreject]

yanbu.

bloody odd and rude of the parent imo.

[Hullygully]

Tell her you entertain the postie on the table during the lesson.

[YellowDinosaur]

YANBU.

And as for all of the posters who aresaying 'but its not unreasonable for the mum to want to be there as he hasn't been having lessons for long etc etc' have you even read the thread?

The op has stated clearly that the the reason the mum wants to wait in her kitchen is because of the traffic - she was quite happy to leav eher 14 year old there ON HIS OWN last week.

I'd be telling her that if she wishes to wait then its in the room where the lesson in taking place. If that is not suitable then she will have to make other arrangements but that she cannot wait in YOUR HOME.

[bellavita]

We have never and will never ask to do this.

DS1 has a guitar lesson, DH goes around the corner in the car to the supermarket and sits and reads or does a bit of shopping for me and when DS2 goes to his tutor, I do the same.

I think it if is your home then it is very rude to expect to sit and wait in your kitchen on your family time.

[YellowDinosaur]

And FWIW I wouldn't want to leave my son with a stranger so would very happily sit in the room where the lesson was taking place until I was happy that ds was going to be OK.

If the Mum wants comfortable waiting facilities she needs to pay for somewhere that provides them

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Yanbu. Its outrageous! If you don't want to leave your child with a stranger then don't give them one to one music lessons.

[vintageteacups]

why can't she sit in the room with her dc?

If it were my dcs, I'd insist on staying during their lesson I think. At a young age anyway. My dd especially wouldn't want to sit with a bloke on her own I don't think.

[vintageteacups]

Just as I wouldn't send them into the dentist on their own.

I agree though, YANBU to not her want her sitting in your kitchen for an hour! And she is rude to suggest it.

[stillstanding]

I completely understand why you don't want her in your kitchen - this would drive me bananas - but I don't think she is being rude either. Think Bucharest's suggestions are a good idea to try to get her out.

[bellavita]

I think the dentist is different to having music tuition though vintage.

Having parents in the same room as a child learning to play an instrument is very off putting.

[betterwhenthesunshines]

1st week: Have all the kitchen chairs stacked up as if you're about to wash the floor.
2nd week: Arrange a nice messy, hand painting session for your younger children in the kitchen - lots of red paint and glitter.
3rd week: cook tea in just your underwear with apron and high heels

You get the idea. (But I think if I was taking my child for lessons I would want to be offered SOMEWHERE to sit - a chair in the hall would be fine.)

[ohdoone]

Put a chair outside the room with a printed sign saying parents waiting area, and put a sign on your kitchen door saying private staff/ residents only. Leave a pile of old mags by the chair and a jug of water or something and say no more about it. Only a Dick would ignore all that.

[ShoutyHamster]

You could say 'Oh, I'm afraid the policy is that after the first lesson (when we understand you might want to spend a little time here to suss out DH/check your child is happy) we have a blanket policy of no parents waiting in the house - otherwise the house would be completely full! There is a great tea shop down the road and you're more than welcome to pop back half way through. Also, the kitchen is a private not a business space and is obviously very much in use at 4pm so I'm afraid waiting parents have to be in the hallway or the teaching room - though we find this really puts off the students'.

Make it impersonal, use the terms business and private space - just don't enter into a discussion of how little trouble she'll be etc. If she pushes it, just say - I'm sorry - the kitchen isn't part of the business space so we can't do that.

[Bucharest]

Or go out.

Actually, I prefer to go to students' houses wherever possible. That way, I can leave my scuzzy washing up in the sink, and I get to decide when the lesson finishes....yesterday's kid phoned her mother at 3.40 to come and get her and the bloody mother turned up at 4.30. Me, the kid and dd had been sat making small talk like eejits for 40minutes.

[MCos]

I did music for years, and DD1 & DD2 have violin lessons.
Never in all the years did I experience any of the moms waiting in the 'family' part of the music teachers home. It is either in the room where the music lesson is taking place, or outside in the car.

I'd do as suggested by some earlier posters - blame the insurance - say insurance only covers the music room. Even if she has already stayed in your kitchen, you can present this as something you have just found out.

Worst case, your DH will lose a student. But REALLY, the cheek of some people.

[aliceliddell]

Is it possible this kid has separation anxiety? (Mine had severely from 8-9 yrs, I had to go to school with her, yes in the classroom, poor teacher). The mother might be making an excuse re traffic so he's not embarrassed?

[Pandemoniaa]

I'm sorry but I simply don't agree that part and parcel of giving music lessons from one room in the house means that the non-teaching partner in the business has to have people who aren't being taught music sitting in their kitchen. My DP is tolerance personified but he'd still be surprised if he found himself automatically expected to entertain the entourage of any clients of mine. I'm amazed at people who don't realise that attending a house for business purposes gives them the right to wander it at will.