To not want a parent to sit in my kitchen forcan hour whilst her ds has a guitar lesson?

[GColdtimer]

dh is a guitar teacher. Most parents either drop their kids then and pop off for an hour or sit in their car reading a book. A fairly new student's mum gas said that becsuse of the traffic she will read her book in our kitchen for an hour.

Aibu to really not want her in my kitchen, especially between 3-4 on a Friday afternoon. And if I aibu, what do I say without seeming quite mean?

[bleedingstill]

glad your husband has handled this quite ridiculous suggestion so well.

My kids have gone to piano at one of my friend's houses since they were 6.

I would never have thought of waiting in her house, and she's a good friend .Incredibly rude of this mother IMO

[silverfrog]

CurrySpice: only just seen your question.

my 2 are 6 and 4. I wait for all of dd1's activities - she has ASD. I don't have to wait in with her (always) but I do need ot be on hand.

dd2 I wait, or she goes with someone else who waits. but she is little.

twofalls: I am glad you have got some value out of this thread.

I do think the mum was being very unreasonable expcting to wait in your kitchen. good that it seems to be sorted now

[GColdtimer]

kiesmymmy, have you read the thread? Parents are welcome to wait IN the room where the lesson is until they feel comfortable leaving their children. Most don't because dh has been teaching in our town for about 10 years and has a fantastic reputation for being a good teacher. It's people expecting to wait in our private area.

Dancergirl I am sorry that happened to you. It is why dh always says parents are welcome to wait IN the room if they want. as much as he would rather they didn't he understands this.

[Dancergirl]

I used to have piano lessons in the teacher's house as a child and parents waited on a chair in his hall. Lucky for him, he had a big hall!

Didn't stop him from groping me upstairs where the piano was though (also found it he did it to my sister too!)

[kiesmommy]

OP if you dont like paying customers waiting in your house at that time, couldnt you ask your DP not to take lessons at that time, or maybe go to the house of the lady who is paying?? I wouldnt like to leave my child in a strangers house.

[swanriver]

I'm never allowed to sit in my children's teachers' houses. Much as I would like to! YANBU. What if everyone sat in your house, lesson after lesson?

[GColdtimer]

Just to update you, DH has said something along the lines that "my wife will be in the kitchen with loads of kids and fish to gut so it probably won't work, you might be comfier elsewhere and there is a lovely tea shop round the corner or a pub on the river. Of course you are welcome to sit in but DS might feel inhibited with you there - your call. I can also provide a guitar if he comes on his own. I don't want to appear unaccommodating however so give me a call, blah, blah".

She got back to him and said, no problem I can work with that.

Its been an interesting thread though - thanks for your comments .

[libelulle]

Bucharest - I never said the OP should entertain the mother! I was replying to the feeling by some on the thread that it was an outrageous imposition for parents to want to stay anywhere near their child during a music lesson, and that they should sit around in their car if they had nowhere else to go.

My point was just that there should be some kind of chair provided somewhere in the house for parents to wait. That seems to me to be the bare minimum if you are giving children lessons in your house. In this case, I'm also a bit surprised at a 14 year old needing accompanying to a music lesson, but as a general principle I think it's not unreasonable for parents to want to wait in the house during the lesson. But not in a random location of their choosing!!!

[Dancergirl]

I don't get the not wanting to leave a child alone with a stranger argument. I'm presuming the guitar lesson is not in the kitchen but in another room in the house? So if you're in another room and can't see/hear what's going on, you ARE leaving them alone with a stranger surely? Just because you're in the same building it doesn't mean much if you're not in the same room...?

I think this mum is very rude to just assume she can use your kitchen. She should have asked you what people usually do.

[suburbophobe]

Your kitchen is not a cafe

YANBU

[GColdtimer]

Weirdacronym, dh doesn't go to people's houses as he uses his pc a lot and he would have to charge more for the travelling and people generally don't want to pay it. He runs a very tight ship lesson timing wise and is often back tobavk with lessons. He never has a problem with that aspect , unlike Bucharest, but in the UK Ed tend to be pretty time conscious.

[GColdtimer]

And motherinferior you are right. I will just let him sort this one. His client his problem.

[GColdtimer]

Thanks everyone, have been away with work so have only just seen the replies. Seems the majority of you don't think I am being mean.

Duchesse, as much as I would love to be baking cookies and making tea and entertaining the hoards of people that come into my home each week I have my own business and a family so that is just not really feasible for me. She sounds lovely though.

[motherinferior]

Because various people on this thread are talking about 'you giving lessons'...you're not. He is.

[motherinferior]

Actually, I would pass this over for your DH. It's his lesson. You're getting roped into it. Nothing to do with you. He can either have the dame in his lesson or chuck her out.

(I'm sure he's a lovely bloke and will do the Right THing, but ykwim...you shouldn't be having to make these decisions!)

[Ephiny]

Doesn't sound normal to me at all - maybe for a very young child if she didn't feel happy leaving him, but a 14 year old! At that age, in fact much younger, I was going to music lessons on my own by bike/bus. At the very least, the parent should drop them off and pick up at the agreed time - your kitchen is not a waiting room!

[KatieWatie]

p.s. as an alternative, do you have a shed she can sit in?

[KatieWatie]

YANBU

I had music lessons in people's houses as a child (piano from age 5 on my own with a man) and my mum NEVER stayed in the house. I think I'm supposed to feel lucky that nothing untoward happened, but the teacher came on recommendation [shrug]

If the mum wants to be able to hang out wherever she likes when the lesson is in progress she should pay extra for lessons in her own home, with an alternative teacher if your DH doesn't travel.

I don't think you're unreasonable to say she can stay in the room where the lesson is taking place - your DH may not like this (I wouldn't) but it will only be the once, if that, and then I'm sure she'll discover the nice tea room round the corner...

[CroissantNeuf]

YANBU.

I think I would say to her, in a surprised manner, that most parents tend to use the time to go for a walk/ coffee/go shopping/read quietly in their car but if she still was saying she wanted to say than tell her that she would have to sit-in on the lesson as unfortunately you don't have a waiting room.

Either that or sit her down in the kitchen and give her a huge bag of potatoes to peel and dice ready for dinner

[harrietthespook]

I had some sympathy for the mother initially (being someone who doesn't drive and picturing myself on a bus then told I couldn't wait for DD at the place would feel a bit harsh - esp as for music the lessons are the most expensive thing we do by far. I could imagine feeling narked being asked to hand over £35 and told to wander around outside in the lovely British weather.)

BUT:

1. Not in your kitchen. No. You can't be expected to 'work' just cause your hsuband is. No way. You'd be making her teas etc and that's just not on.
   
2. she has a car and
   
3. it sounds like you are near some decent entertainment.
   
   It might be an idea to have some chair away from the living space if you CAN to accommodate 'special cases.' Just don't make it too comfortable.
   
   Interesting thread and wouldn't it be great if the mother read it! This is what I love about Mumsnet, you really do see things from other people's point of view...(corny emoticon).

[motherinferior]

Duchesse: if he's that lacking in enthusiasm for guitar lessons, then surely the sensible thing is to chuck them? He's 14. Old enough to decide whether or not he wants to play the guitar or not and to get himself to and from his lessons, surely?

[Bucharest]

lift not life....my lessons aren't that deathly

[Bucharest]

WeirdAcronym- I much prefer, as I said upthread, to go to people's houses myself. That way,I don't end up with a 1 hr lesson lasting for almost 2 while they wait for their life, or invariably, as am in the land where the word punctuality seems not to exist, I arrive on time, not that they arrive anything up to an hour late and still expect their full time lesson!