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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How on earth do I stop mil ringing at this time of the morning?

338 replies

janejon · 23/05/2011 11:53

My mil keeps rings us at 6 am whenever she wants to talk to my dh (sometimes earlier!). She does this because she thinks my husband gets up early- he used to, but does not have to get up this early anymore (fortunately). I mean b*s to my still being asleep and everything but that's another story...

Anyway, I'm absolutely sick of this- dh won't confront her (again another story, she won't 'remember' apparently Hmm) but I have really, really got to stop this cap. I mean who in their right mind rings at this time anyway? (unless really, really important and not just* for a 'chat'?) Please, folks, how can I stop this. Sneaky tricks accepted as long as not illegal!! Wink

People are either running around like anything getting ready for work or, if not, asleep. So why do this anyway?! At end of tether regarding this particular issue. Help.

OP posts:
HooverTheHamaBeads · 23/05/2011 16:45

Let it go to answerphone.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 23/05/2011 16:45

Start asking her intricate questions about when she gets up in the morning, ask here if she knows what time she gets up, and if she looks at the time at all in the morning.

Suggest to her that you are concerned she is developing alzheimers, as the concept of time starts to contort.

You are concerned that she may not actually realize how early 6 am is, and that most people are sound asleep by then, and if she thinks it is ok to call so early, maybe this is because she is not actually aware what time it is, and maybe it is time to see her gp.

ahem.
You will not earn any brownie points though, but you are likely to get her off your back.
My mum was always calling me around 6 am, she had been up hours already, and more often than not, have started cooking dinner. It is a valid concern!

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 16:46

But how can I know it is her without picking the phone up first? Confused Are you suggesting that I 1471 the call? By which time I am awake. Someone ringing at that hour wakes you, it's like an alarm call each time she rings. I am not the best sleeper anyway.

And I am sorry, asking her to do something just because the asker wants her to do it never, ever works. After all, everybody should be up at 6am at the latest so, in her eyes, why shouldn't she ring at 6am? THIS is how her brain works, and it is not dementia. It's just her personality.

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 23/05/2011 16:47

Quint - but that could actually be what's going on ....

Never mind though, better to just hurl abuse at the "old bitch" instead (I know that's not what you are suggesting, but several others have)

Ripeberry · 23/05/2011 16:48

Use an answerphone and let it only ring three times. She'll soon get the message.

aStarInStrangeways · 23/05/2011 16:49

How can you know it's her on the phone? Who else is ringing you every day at 6am? Confused

For the benefit of any interested parties, I would like to clarify that my earlier advice was made with tongue firmly in cheek. Although if someone was ringing me regularly at 6am I would have cracked long ago and said something less than caring.

Nixea · 23/05/2011 16:50

"But how can I know it is her without picking the phone up first? Are you suggesting that I 1471 the call? By which time I am awake."

But what people are saying is that you will (hopefully) only have a few weeks of this before she gives up. By moaning but doing sod all you're basically consigning yourself to months of this.

TheMitfordsMaid · 23/05/2011 16:50

I can see that this is a nightmare. We have one person who refuses to change their behaviour and a daughter-in-law who equally refuses to try anything. You sound as bad as each other to be honest and I can't believe you've bleated on so helplessly. Just TELL her.

kingprawntikka · 23/05/2011 16:51

You'd know it was her without picking up the phone because it always is. Alternatively get caller display. I still don't know why you are answering the phone when the call is for your husband?

QuintessentialOldMoo · 23/05/2011 16:51

Can you buy a modern phone when you can set it to different ring tones?

your mils tone could be "silent".

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 17:06

TheMitfordsMaid. That is not correct. I have said here that the answer may lie in using technological means. So I AM willing to to try the ideas suggested here!!

There is no point. Repeat no point telling her. I have to change my behaviour in that I use technology to ignore her calls i.e. her number on silent until a certain hour etc. Or make it uncomfortable for her to call at that hour.

OP posts:
ledkr · 23/05/2011 17:13

pil used to ring dh here at about 10-11 pm cos it suits them,we are shift workers with 2 young dc's and even when i was recently pg it didnt stop. One night it rang about 10.50,i hauled my very pg fat arse off the sofa as i was sure someone had died or something,i answered it in an expectant/worried tone,fil "is there something wrong?" me "well i thought there might be as it was sooo late" hasnt happened since.

Lou222 · 23/05/2011 17:18

God it is soooo annoying when an op doesn't respond to repeated questions.

What emergency could happen that they don't have your mobile no?

You haven't even asked her not to phone, even though you think there is no point what harm can it do to ask?

Do you actually chat to her at that time in a morning??

You sould like a wet lettuce as does your dh.

prettywhiteguitar · 23/05/2011 17:19

yes I understand, my mother without fail will call at bedtime, every time she rings (she has been told)

for years she would ring as I was leaving for work OR whilst I was at work

she has been told, she just doesn't give a shit

I just don't answer the phone after being reasonable for years I have given up :)

she MAY stop calling if you don't answer the phone, if she is like my mother she will just call and call and call which is just as annoying, however quite satisfying in its own way if you decide not to answer.....but its like training a dog it will take a lot of ignoring to stop

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/05/2011 17:20

janejon are you afraid of her?? or the fuss she will create if you ask because atm you sound like you're pandering to a toddler with bad behaviour.

Technology will not work without conversation.

Really.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 23/05/2011 17:20

Get a phone with caller ID - you will be able to see it is MIL ringing, and either ignore the call, or pick it up and put it down, then turn the ringer off in case she rings back.

Yes, this is going to mean you are awake, but as others have said, hopefully she will get the message, and stop ringing - and you are being woken up anyway by her ringing, so you have nothing to lose.

Or do as I suggested earlier, ring her and tell her to stop ringing otherwise you will block her number. Next time she rings, block her number. End of problem.

But I do think you have to take some control into your own hands, and that does include telling her to stop ringing you. Even if it does not work, you have got to stand up for yourself, so she knows she is out of order, and when you either start ignoring her calls or block her number, she knows why you are doing it.

Please, ring her now and tell her to stop. I honestly think it is a vital step towards you establishing some control. Don't engage with her, just ring up, tell her it is unacceptable to call before 9am, and hang up. Then ignore her ringing back.

prettywhiteguitar · 23/05/2011 17:21

oh thats a good idea fake concern...are you ok ?? As in you are a bit infirm

that would really annoy my mum

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/05/2011 17:22

all the time you answer the phone, she will keep doing it

so ignore the phone at 6am or answer and say ring back after 8am and hang up

no other sane person will ring then

tbh you are creating a problem where this is none Hmm

mumblechum1 · 23/05/2011 17:27

But how can you ignore the phone when it's already woken you up? I'd be homicidal with rage and unable to get back to sleep.

I still think you should just unplug the bloody thing and stop overcomplicating the situation.

Original poster
janejon · 23/05/2011 17:28

prettywhiteguitar Thank you for understanding that there are simply people that cannot be reasoned with. You can't reason with a zombie to stop it eating other people's flesh. Smile

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 23/05/2011 17:31

I don't think the OP would be able to get back to sleep whilst ignoring the ringing phone - and I didn't suggest she would. Yes, she would have to listen to it ringing for however many days it took for her MIL to get the message - but then, no more disturbed mornings - short term pain for longer term gain.

But I repeat, she needs to tell her mil what she is doing, so she doesn't up the ante (ring the police - 'my son and dil are ignoring the phone, they must be lying unconscious, please go and break the door down to rescue them').

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 23/05/2011 17:32

BTW - as far as I am concerned, ignoring the phone just means not picking it up - it doesn't imply going back to sleep.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 23/05/2011 17:33

Janejon, I'm not suggesting you reason with her. I'm saying ring her up and tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable, and you will be taking further steps if it doesn't change pronto. But you need to tell her, otherwise you risk the scenario from my post of 17:31:08.

Dropdeadfred · 23/05/2011 17:34

Janejo ...so what has your MIls response been when your dh asks her why she is calling so early? What does she actually say when he tells her she is waking his children?

SockShitter · 23/05/2011 17:41

You are making this unnecessarily complicated. Every time she calls politely answer and say no we can't speak to you its 6 am. BYE
If you think telling her once won't work... tell her 5 days in a row. It will work

there are no other options, what magical way out do think there could be?

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