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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why people get so inflamed over breastfeeding on here?

183 replies

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 22/05/2011 18:22

I'm not bashing Mumsnet in general - I think it's a great site.

I fully understand the benefits of BF. I breastfed all of mine for 18 months. It was great.

Some of my friends did it for longer, others not as long, others not at all.

On here, as soon as someone says something less than 'Mumsnet Mainstream' about it, they seem to get jumped on a lot more heavily than anyone flaunting even very controversial opinions on other matters. In the other thread, I'm guessing almost 50% of replies involved telling the OP to fuck off.

Is anyone else confused at all, or am I completely alone?

OP posts:

K999 · 22/05/2011 18:24

I will let you know what I think in a mo....

Just away to get some popcorn

Original poster

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 22/05/2011 18:24

My hard hat is donned, K999!

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/05/2011 18:25

AIBU to wonder why people ignore the topics?

MillyR · 22/05/2011 18:27

There isn't a mainstream view. Every thread combines a range of different views. That is why the threads go on so long. If everyone agree apart from one or two posters, they would be over in a few posts.

Original poster

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 22/05/2011 18:27

Gwen, if you dislike it, feel free to simply not post, or even hide the topic. :)

OP posts:

onagar · 22/05/2011 18:31

I'm a man and I don't feel strongly about it as opposed to say FF, but when I see people saying "oh BF is okay as long as you keep out of sight" it sickens me. All kinds of unreasoning prejudice sicken me. I don't think anyone should have to hide away.

DontHassleTheBOF · 22/05/2011 18:34

I have no idea. It's the dullest topic in the world.

atswimtwolengths · 22/05/2011 18:35

I always wonder whether those who get so heated about it are those who are actually breastfeeding longer than usual (note I'm careful not to say 'normal'!)

I remember defending my right to do it (fed mine for 18 months and then 12 months) but can't really remember why I got so heated! There's such a physical tie when you're feeding at night when they're that age - on the one hand it's great but on the other it's absolutely exhausting and I know that I couldn't think straight, I was so tired. I don't think that is good for the mother or the baby.

crashingwaves · 22/05/2011 18:36

I don't really get the big deal with breastfeeding either, to be honest. I don't just mean in terms of people wanting to do it in public (100% behind) but the problem is as soon as you gently say that there is perhaps a way of doing it that's considerate you get a right old flaming

I don't understand why people are 'passionate' about it either, seems bizarre to me but hey-ho. Mind you, I hated breastfeeding so that'll be why.

ZZZenAgain · 22/05/2011 18:36

you're a man onagar? I had no idea.

I odn't know what it is with bf never understood the issue tbh

Original poster

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 22/05/2011 18:44

I am feeling relieved and reassured that I'm not the only one who doesn't get it!

OP posts:

crashingwaves · 22/05/2011 18:46

I know a woman who is still breastfeeding her 3 and a half year old; I am not anti extended breastfeeding per se and I can see that it might be one of those things people just fall into but to be honest I worry a bit about her as continuing feeding the child seems very important to her well being and I guess I don't really understand that, or at any rate, think that has some rather worrying implications.

MillyR · 22/05/2011 18:49

I breastfed one of mine for 18 months and the other for just over 2 years. I never received any negative comments. I had no idea it was an issue to people until I came on MN. I am really glad that I didn't come on MN until after I had finished breastfeeding, because the comments on here would have made me feel worried about feeding in public.

SO I think it is right that when somebody comes on here with some negative remark about public breastfeeding, they are picked up on it, because otherwise it will have more of an impact on women who are not that confident.

I will also be getting DS to read the other thread, as he has to explain why women breastfeeding in Scotland are protected under criminal law, for his Science exam. He is unaware of negative attitudes around breastfeeding, so doesn't get it.

StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2011 18:51

crashingwaves, how do you mean? I have just stopped bf DS at 4, was all for his wellbeing at the end and not for mine

loverboys · 22/05/2011 18:53

i find the whole topic extremely boring! so you couldnt BF, well neither could i for my first child for whatever reason get over it. people spend their LIFE going on and on and on about how awful so and so made them feel because they could BF. they never stop. it madness. well next time youre on the train point out who was bf and who wasnt ??

lachlanbella · 22/05/2011 18:53

People don't get inflamed over just breastfeeding - it's when people display negative attitudes towards breastfeeding when it should be a normal and natural thing that I and from what I can see other women get cross. I would just like it to be a normal and natural thing that nobody bats an eyelid at - I BF my 17m old and have had so many negative comments (mostly from people I know) and I wish attitudes were different.

Mishy1234 · 22/05/2011 18:54

StealthPolarBear - are you absolutely sure you weren't 'doing it for yourself'? (joking of course :-)

MillyR · 22/05/2011 18:54

Obviously there are positive things for the child if they are breastfed. But I don't think there is anything wrong with the mother doing it for her own benefit. I loved breastfeeding, really enjoyed it, and really miss doing it now.

Many women do enjoy doing it. Why is that worrying?

crashingwaves · 22/05/2011 18:57

StealthPolarBear mm, difficult to explain as I don't want to be offensive.

I suppose if asked you, and I honestly mean this politely and courteously and hope it will be read as such, how do you feel it enhanced his wellbeing?

For my own part, I had a disappointing time with BF; I did with DS but it was difficult, painful and I wasn't producing enough milk so we mix fed. I'm hoping to go to a year (give or take) with DD (when she arrives ;)) but if I can't, I can't.

I totally understand not wanting to stop before the child is ready but I do think those who encourage their children to keep breastfeeding are perhaps encouraging babyhood to be prolonged and also a sense of dependence on the mum. My DS is 4 and I have to be honest, the idea of him feeding from me now seems very odd to me.

Hope none of that's been taken the wrong way x

BornInAfrica · 22/05/2011 18:58

Love it. Today is obviously a 'breastfeeding' day. I'm fairly sure that means tomorrow will be an 'all smokers are evil bastards who are killing themselves and everyone who walks within a mile of them' day. Or is it the turn of 'I want to slice my MIL into a million bits and feed her to the killer sheep in the zoo' day?

Time will tell I suppose

Mishy1234 · 22/05/2011 18:58

MillyR - yes, you're quite right. I enjoy bf (have just recently stopped feeding my 3 yo, still feeding DS2). I just hate the whole implication that the ONLY reason people continue to bf is to satisfy themselves in some way.

crashingwaves · 22/05/2011 18:59

Milly - I suppose because it's a natural thing that has to move on. I love having DS at home with me (usually!) but I'm not going to home school him because that would make it about me, not him.

In the case of the lady I mentioned before, she lost a grandparent to cancer, is petrified of her children getting cancer and breastfeeds for that reason - to protect them - I understand but I also think that's perhaps a sign of her own fears getting a little out of hand?

MillyR · 22/05/2011 18:59

You aren't dependent on the mum if you breastfeed until 4, unless she was actively restricting the calories and nutrition in the rest of your diet, which would be a very different matter, and not something I have ever heard of happening.

MillyR · 22/05/2011 19:02

But a lot of things we do with our kids are about us not them. When you buy your baby an attractive outfit, they are not going to care. Yet very few people put their baby at all times in a basic white babygro.

As long as it isn't harming the child, what difference does it make?

You are only keeping your child a baby if you think that it is only natural for babies to breastfeed. Most people who breastfeed for over two years know this is not the case.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 22/05/2011 19:03

The idea of feeding your 4 year old seems odd because you stopped feeding him years ago, and suddenly starting would seem odd. 4 year olds won't be feeding several times a day. They might not even feed every day. Is it so odd to have a cuddle and a feed after a bath and before bed? Or for them to feed if they've fallen and hurt themselves?

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