Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people get so inflamed over breastfeeding on here?

183 replies

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 22/05/2011 18:22

I'm not bashing Mumsnet in general - I think it's a great site.

I fully understand the benefits of BF. I breastfed all of mine for 18 months. It was great.

Some of my friends did it for longer, others not as long, others not at all.

On here, as soon as someone says something less than 'Mumsnet Mainstream' about it, they seem to get jumped on a lot more heavily than anyone flaunting even very controversial opinions on other matters. In the other thread, I'm guessing almost 50% of replies involved telling the OP to fuck off.

Is anyone else confused at all, or am I completely alone?

OP posts:
Porphyria · 23/05/2011 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Porphyria · 23/05/2011 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 23/05/2011 21:04

So BFing is OK as long as you don't at any point show your enormous nipples?
Likewise you may eat your toastie as long as no one sees your plate? Confused

Meita · 23/05/2011 21:25

Never before posted on any feeding discussions. Generally, I feel that it's awful that stuff has become so commercialised that we are sold things like water in bottles, and breastmilk-substitutes. I mean it is fantastic that bottled water is available in certain situations, and the same counts for formula. But why should it be normal and accepted as standard that we pay someone for those things? That said, I also dislike how FFers are made to feel guilty. It is generally not their fault that things are how they are.

Ok regarding the showing of breast while feeding: I had such a situation (and I agree they are rare) recently. It wasn't exactly public: It was at a dining table in someone's home. DSil pushed up her top on one side, pushed up her bra over her breast, and then asked her DH to pass the baby over to her (baby was at the other end of the room). Her DH was distracted by their other child and didn't hear the request. After a while - maybe 30 seconds? - SIL repeated her request, and with some shuffling about, it was a crowded room, the baby got to her and started feeding. In the mean time, SIL was sitting there, at the head of the table as it were, one breast fully exposed. This was in SIL's MIL's home. Present were her her DH, her brother, me, her father, her mother, her MIL, two babies and a toddler.

I admit the situation made me feel a bit uncomfortable. NOT the seeing of her breast; I have no problem with that, am currently BFing too, do not find breasts offensive (but do find it disturbing that sexualised nakedness is fine for tabloid newspapers). So why did it make me feel uncomfortable? I think it is because it was unusual to me, raising the question of why. Did she want to make a statement, perhaps towards her father? ('see here dad, there's nothing wrong with showing a naked breast, don't be so stiff - and btw I couldn't care less if I make you feel uncomfortable')(on reflection, I think this is the most likely explanation) perhaps towards me? ('look, SIL, when you BF discreetly as you do, you are really being quite prude'). Not knowing why she acted in this uncommon way, I didn't know what was the socially expected reaction - did she expect people to look away? Did she expect people to behave as normal and pretend she wasn't showing a breast? Did she want to see if anyone was embarrassed? Was she trying to provoke a reaction? I suppose that in a different setting, I might just have asked her. But as things with the ILs are a bit tense, I was working on getting the evening over with as little friction as possible, and so not knowing what this situation was all about and what was expected, made me feel uncomfortable. Not intensely so, but enough to reflect on it later and wonder what it was all about.

So, after all that, I guess my point is short: Feeling uncomfortable in such an admittedly rare situation does not necessarily mean someone is uncomfortable with seeing a naked breast or has issues with BF. It might just mean that they were momentarily thrown by the uncommon-ness of it and for a moment struggled to find their social bearings.

And something else: Am currently 'not stopping yet' and have enjoyed this thread for the encouragement it gave me for continuing the 'not stopping yet'.

RobynLou · 23/05/2011 21:34

As I posted on the other thread, I have been that woman in the cafe.

some women (like me) don't manage to hold things together seamlessly when they have a toddler and a baby.
some women (like me) spend so much time with their boobs out at home that they easily forget whether they're in/out/shaking all about
some women (like me) find dealing with the demands of two small people so overwhelming that they cease to be able to worry about onlookers.

as I said before, this is, imo, just the bfing equivalent of leaving the toilet with your skirt tucked in your knickers.

RitaMorgan · 23/05/2011 21:39

Meita, did you not consider that your SIL just didn't consider it a big deal, rather than it being a big statement?

I have done almost exactly the same as your SIL, in front on my FIL. Not because I was making a point, just because it's easier to get a boob out then grab the baby rather than fiddle with both at once, and I just wasn't thinking about being in company rather than at home.

Meita · 23/05/2011 22:18

Rita, yes indeed, that is also quite likely. Still, it is unusual enough for anyone (any woman, that is) to have their breast uncovered for quite a long time (and in this case, she was relaxed, unfrazzled, both her kids were being looked after at the other end of the room - it really appeared as if it was intentional) in company, to make me wonder if it is a statement or not. To make me wonder if I'm missing something, if she is trying to make a point, if I should be supporting her, or if it is a non-issue. It is alone the unusualness that made me feel a bit uncomfortable in a situation where I was trying to be as conformist as I could (due to the IL-tensions). (After about a minute, when no-one had reacted and baby was feeding and all seemed fine, it was all but forgotten - was busy small-talking with MIL instead. Only later came back to reflecting, and only this thread brought it back - because of people a) doubting that a woman might display her breast for a 'long' time in a public place, implying that it could only have been a brief flash, and b) some people saying she couldn't possibly have been making a statement, this reminded me that I had wondered about statements behind naked breasts recently.)
If someone apparently intentionally uncovers a body part that is usually covered, for longer, apparently intentionally, than is usual, it makes me wonder as to possible reasons. In that company at the time, I couldn't do with not knowing what - if anything - was going on in the subtext level.

RitaMorgan · 23/05/2011 22:20

Sometimes a breast is just a breast!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page