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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be ashamed...

304 replies

GirlFriendExperience · 22/05/2011 14:32

That I'm an escort girl/call girl/high class prositute (whatever you want to call it) ...

I love my job, I'm very good at it, I pay taxes, it's not illegal and I help a lot of people. So why should I spend my life apologising for it/lying about it/defending myself??

  • Yes have name changed in case I get flamed... which in itself is depressing!
OP posts:
microfight · 22/05/2011 17:19

razzle
You are absolutely right, I worked for years in Soho (not as a prostitute) but I saw so many girls the majority of girls which were ravaged by drugs and not in great shape at all. It was so hard to see, girls completely out of it just trying to earn enough for another fix or to just be able to live.

I have often seen men coming out of the places on Berwick Street etc. and my heart sinks because I the buildings are always so gross and the whole thing is just so seedy and sad.

dittany · 22/05/2011 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2011 17:30

I'll agree that some prostitution is violence again women, but I doubt that's the case with the OP.

MillyR · 22/05/2011 17:34

I do not understand the thread.

Are you posting here to ask if you should be ashamed of being a prostitute (the title)? Shame is about how you feel about yourself. So that is rather a different question to the one in the OP, which is should you have to defend yourself/apologise? I'm not sure who you are defending yourself to. You say various finance people, but they will be basing their opinion on the statistical risk of you paying your mortgage etc, which will be based on the risk of prostitution in general, not your prostitution in particular. In that case, you need to defend prostitution as a secure money making venture, which has nothing to do with shame.

Alternatively, you are not asking for answers to either of these really. You just want to convince people on MN that prostitution is either psychologically or financially a secure option. As you have name changed, and I know nothing about you, I am going to believe the people I actually know who have worked as prostitutes, and believe that it does not offer good outcomes in terms of physical, economic or psychological wellbeing.

frantic51 · 22/05/2011 17:44

Well! Go away and do some chores and there are pages and pages to catch up on! Grin

aliceliddell it's nobody's business but the punters and their wives whose the money is! People do like interfering in/dictating others lives. Hmm

dittany, I am not here to preach morals to friends or others and Jesus didn't judge half as much as some seem to think he did. My faith offers a moral framework for life here on earth and it's up to the individual how much they take on, or how little. No-one is judged and no-one is turned away if they don't live up to the highest ideals. The greatest gift God gave was the gift of free will and no-one should interfere with an individuals relationship with God.

As for those outside the faith, well I wouldn't even presume to discuss morality with them. Shock

whatsallthehullaballoo · 22/05/2011 17:54

Razzle - of course you are right! But I would imagine many prostitutes may start selling themselves because they want to feel wanted (despite the fact that that is not the reality).

I have never seen Pretty Woman.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/05/2011 17:55

So, the men are never criminalised? But a woman who asks for payment is? But a bloke can offer you money and that isn't a criminal act? Is there any circumstance in which a punter is breaking the law?

whatsallthehullaballoo · 22/05/2011 17:56

Chickens - I assume only if the girl is underage?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2011 17:56

I think most prostitutes start selling themselves because they want the money. That may be for drugs, or it may be to pay the rent/mortgage/bills after losing employment/while studying, or even to cover the school fees.

dittany · 22/05/2011 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2011 17:57

As long as the prostitute is over 18, the client/punter is not breaking the law. However, the counterpart to solicitation is kerb-crawling, which is illegal.

CoteDAzur · 22/05/2011 17:59

What does namechanging have anything to do with being ashamed?

OP is an atheist in Iran. Preferring anonymity doesn't mean she is ashamed of being an atheist. Just that she doesn't wish to be stoned to death.

ChippingIn · 22/05/2011 18:09

Actually OP I have changed my mind. I don't blame you for not posting this under your own name - people post much less sensitive things under a different name.

What I don't understand is why you started the thread.

I can see you are annoyed with your treatment by the banks - but really, what did you expect? I expect they don't get too many prostitutes asking for mortgages - either they're living pretty rough or paying things in cash I would think....

I have no problem with women (or men) who choose to sell their body for money. Supply & demand - as long as it's their choice. It is sad that the vast majority who feel it is 'their choice' are only making this choice because of a less than ideal upbringing/abuse or string of bad relationships etc.

If you are one of the tiny tiny minority who had a good childhood, didn't suffer abuse, haven't been in emotionally abusive or physically violent relationships and aren't mistaking being paid for sex with love & emotional fulfillment - then great... do as you please.

frantic51 · 22/05/2011 18:12

dittany, I said I don't moralize. My post was in answer to this, from you "The catholic church is pretty much all about dictating its congregants' choices Frantic." and this, "Also I bet there were married catholic men paying to fuck your friend. Along with everybody else." and this from aliceliddell "This reliance on individualism is the worst kind of libertarian moral relativism. Which isn't very Catholic." I didn't bring up the subject of morals nor judgement for that matter. Hmm

As for, "Seriously a real friend would have tried to help her". She neither asked for, nor seemed to want, any help. I repeat, she was a Happy Hooker and she is now a very happy ex-hooker1 Grin

I am not going to get sidetracked into talking about the child abuse issues within the RC church here as it is way off topic and has been done to death by too many, both on this forum and others. Biscuit

Ria28 · 22/05/2011 18:26

I'm curious to know what people think of women paying for male escorts? Would those of you who say prostitution is always harmful to the woman say the same for a man?

MillyR · 22/05/2011 18:28

Yes, I would say it is always harmful.

frantic51 · 22/05/2011 18:45

Woman's money, woman's choice how to spend it, and, if she has a partner at home, their business and no-one else's!

Harmful to men? No more so than to women prostitutes. Again, his own business.

LadyOfTheManor · 22/05/2011 19:09

Interesting point Ria.

I don't always believe the woman is a victim when it comes to prostitution and I believe that prostitution should be illegal for both the supplier and demand(er). Many believe prostitutes end up prostitutes due to a man at somepoint ruining her life, I believe that feminists who blame everything on men have a point to prove, and I find it rather patronising. Believe it or not, women can make decisions for themselves without a man heading it up.

I think the sex industry is disgusting and in our country there is no need to turn to it, considering all other avenues have been exhausted, it therefore becomes a choice and not a necessary means to survive.

I think this applies to both male and female. Obviously those consenting to do it, has a knock on effect and it increases the number of trafficking of men, women and children.

Some of us managed to get through university with our clothes on.

dittany · 22/05/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyOfTheManor · 22/05/2011 19:19

So what about male prostitutes? Are they abused by women, or doesn't it work that way because women are incapable of controlling anything?

dittany · 22/05/2011 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2011 19:21

Who is persecuting prostitutes? You talk of decriminalising, dittany, but they're not criminals as things stand.

Primalscream · 22/05/2011 19:21

Plenty of men use male prostitutes

strawberrymewmew · 22/05/2011 19:32

OP I said the things I did because every girl (or man) I have ever met in your situation who has said the exact same things as you have, haven't really meant it. They have most defineatly been feeling much different from what they let other people see.

You might not even realise this is the case yet though. Most people I have met genuinely believe they enjoy it.

LadyOfTheManor · 22/05/2011 19:35

Dittany, if even one woman has used a male prostitute, is she not responsible for abusing him?