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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unable to live with a msbp accusation?

96 replies

munchausens · 19/05/2011 19:59

Has anyone ever been falsely accused of munchausens syndrome by proxy or more commonly called fabricated illness syndrome now?

If so how do you live with it or recover from it? Has anyone been aware of this accusation and managed to clear their name? In particular anyone who has been accused of it for complaining about a misdiagnosis and challenging the professionals. How can you defend yourself as everything seems to make it worse as all defence makes one closer to the classic profile of the msbp mother!

I am scared to take my children to the doctor and petrified they might get injured. Yesterday I dropped the glass bottle containing my sons prescription and now have to ask for a new prescription so I have been distraught since for fear I am accused of overdosing him. We are not at a situation where the children have been put on an at risk register or any attempt has been made to take them but we just live in fear that this is being considered or that something could trigger this at any time.

For anyone who thinks it could never happen to them or there is no smoke without fire well I was totally the same and really believed this type of thing could never happen to a professional family living an extremely privileged life in a loving 2 parent family. Now I just think if someone like Sally Clark couldnt defend herself despite being a solicitor how can we.

If anyone has been in this situation and is able to offer advice or can point me in an appropriate direction for help I would really appreciate it.

OP posts:
icancancan · 19/05/2011 20:02

didnt want to read and run ... are you able to tell us what has happened as there might be someone on here who has had a similar experience?...

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 19/05/2011 20:05

I think if their truly aren't any other issues than what you have mentioned then you are overthinking things far too much.

I cant think of any prescription medication that comes in a glass bottle. just an observation

Bogeyface · 19/05/2011 20:05

Have you actually been accused of this? Who by and on what basis?

bumpybecky · 19/05/2011 20:08

dd1 has a regular medication, tablets that are also given to adults. These come in a glass bottle.

annabel1972 · 19/05/2011 20:11

Pink - that's a very unfair comment. I picked up a prescription yesterday for my DD who is10 which was in a glass bottle. It was an antibiotic medicine.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 19/05/2011 20:12

how old fashioned! Would've saved op some heartache if they'd just come in a plastic bottle!

trixymalixy · 19/05/2011 20:13

My son's piriton comes in a glass bottle. OP you seem really anxious, can you tell us more about why you're so worried about this in particular?

TartyMcFarty · 19/05/2011 20:14

Oh dear bumpy, if I read that correctly you just outed yourself. Is there a possibility that you're worrying too much about this? I know how paranoid I get about the daftest thing sometimes ... not to belittle but obviously don't know the background.

TartyMcFarty · 19/05/2011 20:14

Completely misread that, sorry Blush

ThisIsANiceCage · 19/05/2011 20:17

Pink I can easily think of prescription medications that come in glass bottles.

Nice one, btw, simultaneously accusing munchausens of "overthinking things" while insinuating she's lying. Hmm

You've perfectly illustrated exactly what munch is afraid of.

Not that that's any consolation to you, munch. Sorry, all I can offer is moral support.

gapants · 19/05/2011 20:19

Have you been accused of this? I am sorry, you are going through this, sounds very very stressful.

How are your childrens health, are they OK? Feel for you.

Sqee · 19/05/2011 20:20

A bit of background information would help lots. Don't worry, I doubt anyone will judge you. Just help! :)

MamaChoo · 19/05/2011 20:23

I understand msbp is becoming largely discredited amongst the medical profession nowadays. You say your children arent on the register but dont say what has caused your concern?

bumpybecky · 19/05/2011 20:24

not sure if I've misread you Tarty (have had some Wine already!) - I'm not the OP, just trying to respond to Pink's reply that said prescriptions don't come in glass bottles.

WorzselMaamage · 19/05/2011 20:26

CALPOL comes in a glass bottle Hmm

sallysparrow157 · 19/05/2011 20:30

Fabricated illness is definitely not discredited amongst the medical profession, it does exist and is very damaging (I have had patients who have ended up having unnecessary surgery for example), however it's uncommon - it's actually much more common for parents to be concerned that doctors are thinking they must be making it all up etc when the child has lots of funny symptoms - usually we are thinking nothing of the sort and are just trying to find a diagnosis. It does happen though (i'm not talking about the OP at all here by the way, just responding to MamaChoo - it has not been discredited amongst the medical profession)

annabel1972 · 19/05/2011 20:33

OP - although I haven't been through exactly the same as you, we were falsely accused of ignoring our baby crying (as if in pain!!!) and also shouting and swearing at her - all completely untrue. I too was absolutely terrified that people would believe her over us. I have to say though that the social workers in our case were really sympathetic.

The fucking cow next door made 2 complaints to social services. They spoke to me on the phone and then dismissed the complaints as malicious. The first time the case was closed just by speaking to me. The second time social services spoke to my health visitor and my older childrens school (who already knew what was happening). Then she complained again to environmental health who then made a referral to social services. Because this was classed as a separate referral social services investigated again. They came round to our house and spoke to my older children privately and then spoke to me and my baby at the same time - I think to check that she looked healthy and alert etc. This time the case was closed with a note put on file that if any more complaints came from the same source it was to be dismissed as malicious. I don't know if she's made any more complaints.

This was all 2 years ago and the fact that we are now "known" to social services never ever leaves my mind. Recently, my eldest daughter got a urine infection and part of me does worry as I know this can be seen as a sign of abuse. I worry that if my children don't do well at school this may be seen as neglect. I worried that when my son got worms - this could be seen as neglect. Nits etc etc.

It does get easier as they get older though as obviously they can speak more for themselves now. We were lucky as well as the social workers, doctors (who I asked to examine my daughter at the first instance to record that there were NO signs of abuse), school and health vistors were all on our side. If this had not been the case, or I had any inclination at all that they doubted us, I would certainly have instructed a solicitor.

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions really but just wanted to say that i hope that this works out for you. And I know exactly how horrible it is to be falsely accused.

HalfTermHero · 19/05/2011 20:35

Op, I can see you are upset but give us the details of what is wrong with your child/ren and maybe someone can give some helpful advice re how to proceed.

GooGooMuck · 19/05/2011 20:37

there are no medicines in my cupboard in plastic bottles Hmm

OP, I'm sorry this is happening to you, but no useful advice sorry :(

Original poster
munchausens · 19/05/2011 21:15

I think the comment suggesting medicine does not come in glass bottles has just about finished me off. My sons medication comes in 500ml glass bottles. I was in tears in Boots about why they supply it in a large glass bottle and they declared it is nothing to do with them as that is how they receive it. No idea why it cant be plastic but really this is not the issue.

Thank you annabel for sharing your experience, much appreciated.

There is no doubt of the accusation and the amount of time the professionals have spent on this since October (a team of paediatrician, psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker etc).
Just a few of the things that initially raised our concerns ?

  • All paperwork states only I have concerns about my sons illness and their effect on him this is despite my husband being present at every meeting and stating the same concerns as me. I have never attended any meeting by myself because I have been very aware of the accusations for the last year. Reading the reports it implies my husband was never there although it never states this but is extremely misleading in only saying mum says and never saying he was present or what he said or requested. We put in writing our request for this to be altered but the reports have been issued without this amendment.
  • Being sent for a psychiatric assessment when i thought i was going for counselling then being told i had lied in the assessment and needed to be reassessed by a consultant psychiatrist as no issue was found.
  • Reports state their concern with the complexity of my relationship apparently i blame my son for my own illness and therefore hate him and do not feed him (despite my husband being present for breakfast and dinner and his having school dinners) and my having been overjoyed to have him as my much wanted first born.
  • no connection with any of the children and unable to comfort them despite having 2 pre school children who are 2 of the happiest children ever, breastfed to 18 months and no issues and anyone could witness that but the professionals totally refuse to speak to anyone who could support us.
Every point on the reports appears to be made to fit the profile of a msbp.

I had not realized how serious my accusation of misdiagnosis had been. I think the paediatrician failed to diagnose a medical condition in my son because she mistakenly thought I had mspb rather than her accusing me of it once i complained but I dont know that for certain.

If anyone has been in a similar situation and is able to offer advice or can point me in appropriate direction for help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

OP posts:
OhYeahOhRight · 19/05/2011 21:20

That is absolutely terrifying. I am so sorry for you, OP. My stomach is in a knot reading your posts. Please look after yourself and be kind to yourself.

I dont have any advice or experience but I feel terrible for you and what you have been through.

Tortu · 19/05/2011 21:37

Again, a little unrelated, but my cousin was also referred to social services essentially because she did really struggle with her first child. However, she is highly educated and was the kind of girl who felt it was necessary to get a manicure and a massage every week (things change with babies. Ho hum), so she had read way, way too much and yet was shocked that there was no time for a spraytan with a newborn. Thus when her HV came round, she said she wasn't coping. Oh the problems that resulted from this comment!

Basically, completely nightmare. She has now got through it, however, just by ensuring that she is completely rational about every meeting and takes detailed notes of each event that occured. Perhaps you might consider doing the same? They have notes on you, so why don't you detail you own version?

Toughasoldboots · 19/05/2011 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 21:43

Oh OP you seem very anxious and fraught. Do you have anyone there with you?

HalfTermHero · 19/05/2011 21:46

I would say that you should seek legal advice. A solicitor will raise your concerns and ask for the necessary alterations etc to be made (at the very least they will be noted for the record by the very fact that the solicitor's letter documents them).

I am not saying that you have any reason to worry or that you NEED a solicitor. It is just that getting one involved may make you feel a lot more comfortable and enable you to take control of the events.