I am BU but this has pissed me off for ages

[thefruitwhisperer]

Please excuse this moment of bitchiness but Im in a really grumpy mood and I had to get this off my chest. (Baby teething, no sleep,

SIL 'makes' banoffee pie. I say 'makes' because she opens a tin of biscuits, a tin of premade caramel, peels a banana and tops with a carton of cream. VOILA. Ive just received word that she has spent hours doing this and so we are expected to drop everything, go round tonight and sample this canned delight.

Ive no problem with this banoffee method usually, in fact sometimes when i have nothing in the house, I may make it myself. But she proclaims that she makes the best pie shes ever tasted, and knocks all others with 'Yeah, not as good as mine though...'

I hate boasting. Esp when the boasting is about something a ten year old could make. Rant over. Flame me now.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

I think I'll just make it for my DP rather than public humiliation. So he can see that the recipe came off the back of a tin of condensed milk.

Haha! Yeah she makes cannelloni too! Prebought pasta shells filled with mince, and prebought bechemal sauce!

Yuk! My stepmother used to serve Birds trifle!!!! I always made a cats bum face!

Ask her how she makes such delicious caramel...

I always thought that banoffee pie was a complicated dish. Must try the SiL's recipe. My DH is easily fooled and this would earn me many Brownie points.

TINNED CARAMEL - WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?

Ps - is there a recipe to follow?

Are you mad? What the hell do you care?

I make it this way but use mascarpone on top and it takes four hours to convert condensed milk into caramel which I AT NO POINT BURNED so I count it as a real recipe! It's fit as well; I can't make it too often as I'd be enormous. Maybe that's why SIL needs you to come round, to share the calories?

Definitely like the suggestion that you take an identical banoffee round with you tonight as said above.

PS I make Eton mess too and am still impressed with myself; maybe it's because I come from a long line of scone makers and just didn't inherit the gene. I take a win when I can get one

BTW does she know that you know how she makes it?

I think you should shun the banoffee pie altogether and go to a bakery to collect some frivolous and moreish desert and say,

"I thought I would knock something up too" breezily whilst gently slamming her pie onto the kitchen floor....

Just a suggestion.

It´s at least supposed to be a pastry base, isn´t it?

Does she actually bother to whip the cream-surely she uses the spray one?

It´s not something I´d go round for though-it´s revolting!

Ooh tinned caramel

Anyway, my mum is exactly like this. Does my frigging head in, man. Example:

Me (making a birthday cake for DS). Mum observing.
Mum: "Why don't you just buy a sponge from Aldi then decorate it with smarties? less faffing and tastes nicer."
Me:

She was SO pissed off when my aunties started bigging up my cake at the party My one aunty still talks about it a year later.

Faffing! Tastes nicer! Noooo. My birthday cakes are legendary.

Oh blimey OP I have a very lovely friend who does EXACTLY the same thing - brags about how she can make grown men weak at the knees over her amazing banoffee, organises last minute dinner parties so the lucky neighbours can come round and share blah blah blah - and all it is is crushed biscuits, dulce de leche, sliced nanas and some whipped cream

She is in general lovely but she and her DH are immensely proud of themselves and every aspect of their lives

Mother also berates me for making my own lasagne when Aldi do a pefectly good refridgerated version.

She glazes over when I try and explain that I'd rather make one with less saturated fat than is contained in an Alsi pre-made one i.e my entire week's allowance in one portion ...

oh and she loves to show off about her wondrous lemon drizzle cake, which is the one cake that I think even a total muppet my DH for example could make...

Reminds of those deserts that you get in pubs to share
chopped up brownies, maltesers and ice cream. Very technical.

Bloody lush though.

My MIL doesn't make sweet and sour chicken; she makes 'sweet and sour chicken surprise!' and has the major hump that I won't eat it (I'm vegetarian). Apparently I am 'really missing out' by being so 'obstinate', because it is just 'a delight on the palate' . I did ask DH what the hell is so surprising about it but he didn't seem to know. Whilst rooting about for a rusk at her house a few months ago I came accross a jar of Uncle Ben's Sweet & Sour lurking at the back of a cupboard. I really felt like sneaking it into my bag, then presenting it at the table next time they're chowing away and shouting 'Surprise!'.

My grandmother made me a sweet and sour chicken surprise once. The surprise was that she served it with sprouts and mash.

She never really got the hang of foreign food, bless her.

Oooh YA N BU, I used to make a damned fine banofee pie (if I may say so myself :o) , with a proper banana-y cheesecake base that took fecking ages was difficult to make and had lots of 'proper' ingredients [snooty and judgy emoticon]. Then the caramel sauce was made from scratch (butter, sugar etc).
I must admit I didn't plant the banana trees myself, nor did I milk the cows, but it was certainly not easy. I would be highly offended if your SIL were to compare hers to mine.

flounces off as haughtily as she can to see if she dig up said recipe

I'll go if you don't want to. I like banoffee pie and I like people who are generous enough to share their cake. Can't stand snobby judgemental twats though.

Oh, I was just bemoaning the fact that we cant buy ready made Banoffie pie in this godforsaken arctic outpost (among many other things)

PLEASE point me in direction of THE BEST recipe (not including tinned biscuits)

Crush biscuits to make base. Boil condensed milk in can for 2 hours till it becomes toffee sauce. Top with banana and cream. It is fucking LUSH

Good grief, sweet and sour sprouts and mash! Bless your grandmother. Though I am feeling a bit evil and tink you should definitely do that surprise, snuffle.