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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Abusive primary school teacher.

145 replies

Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 11:11

My 8 year old son came home from school after having a fight, he wasnt the person who started yet fought back, i confronted his teacher who said she would resolve the matter. End of the school day the teacher comes across and says my son didnt tell her everything and should of told a teacher, all this in front of the other childs mother!!! Within 2minutes the teacher starts shouting in my sons face and pointing at him to which my husband then says "who the hell do you think your talking to" its carries on until his teacher says shall we go to the headmaster, we reply yes, yet we never make it that far as the teacher stops and starts sweat talking my son!! So we leave, ring the headmaster, were told hes unavailable as is the deputy head, (convienant) told we will be rang first thing, my son then tells me that the same teacher shouted at him in front of his class & when he didnt reply the teacher thumped the desk,,,,,, other parents have confirmed this via their children in the class, so no phone call, go to reception & were told the headmaster is in a "meeting" and will ring us at lunchtime.... ive had enough, do you think im right to make a formal complaint?????

OP posts:
Ishani · 18/05/2011 21:07

Teachers in it for the money need rooting out, three percent of teachers were sacked last year, are you seriously trying to tell us that only three percent of your profession are incompetant or unprofessional ? It's about time there was more accounability.
And as for your disgust I find those who need to resort to name calling to be of fairly low intelligence, but then those who can do and those who can't teach in my experience.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/05/2011 21:12

as the daughter of a teacher the pay she has in relation to the work she does it's shocking - absolutely shocking. if she didn't love the kids & wasn't passionate about it she'd have left - honestly it's that bad. the place has given her health problems incl blood pressure & diabetes.

the pay scale doesn't reflect the job & is a separate issue to the one the OP has.

CurrySpice · 18/05/2011 21:14

Ishani I can only assume you've never given it a try!

Vicky2011 · 18/05/2011 21:15

Very original, Ishani

Feenie · 18/05/2011 21:20

Teachers in it for the money

That made me laugh. Yes, because teaching is soooo lucrative. Hmm

pyjamababe · 18/05/2011 21:22

I can see this thread getting hijacked and I'm sorry for adding to that but ishani really? I haven't read such an ignorant comment on Aibu for a long time... No-one goes into teaching for the money. Teaching courses are massively over-subscribed and it is notoriously difficult to get a place. It takes good grades and four years at university to qualify. Many jobs with equivalent training requirements pay far more. As for 'those who can't do, teach'... I haven't heard that old chestnut for years!! Good grief...

AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 21:28

Ishani, you sound unhinged

AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 21:28

or on a wind up...

clam · 18/05/2011 21:48

"Those who can't do, teach" Grin
And those who criticise teachers without having any idea of what they're talking about, wouldn't last 5 minutes in a classroom with children.

soverylucky · 18/05/2011 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fearnelinen · 18/05/2011 22:27

ishani this shall be my last reply to you as OP doesn't deserve her thread hijacked.

I have given up a 6 figure salary to retrain and I am very fortunate to no longer need to work financially. You don't achieve that with low intelligence, you have no right to insult things you don't know about me, I however based my numpty comment on your actions that I had seen.
Intelligent people will understand how effective performance management will 'weed out' under performing teachers. Public sector pay cuts are tragic and will impact on our society (that includes yours, wherever you educate your dc's) for many years to come.
I am heartened to see you received no support on here.
Once again, apologies OP

Animation · 19/05/2011 06:02

The teacher was way out of order - what an idiot!

manicbmc · 19/05/2011 20:30

I'm curious to know how it went?

manicbmc · 20/05/2011 14:04

Still curious.

fedupandfifty · 20/05/2011 20:24

hi fearnelinen. I'm glad you picked up on the in loco parentis issue because I feel it's important as it affects the teacher-child-parent dynamic in terms of what is expected of all the parties concerned.

My take on it is this: when a child attends school, the school acts in loco parentis, "or instead of a parent." I take this as meaning that the school takes over the role of the parent, and deals with the children as it sees fit during the course of the school day. It does NOT mean, IMO, that the school necessary has to deal with issues in the way the real parent would like - that would be impractical - and that therefore parents have to accept that there will be a certain amount of give and take in the relationship between the child and the school. This is part of life, and most parents accept this. It also helps draw a line between school and home life.

However, there are parents who cannot, and have a different idea of what the school/ child/ parent relationship should be like. To be fair, this seems to be as a result of the recent blurring of the boundaries between school and home, and has been encouraged by schools in the main part, resulting in a variety of semi-formal "contracts" and the like between parents and school which has encouraged greater involvement from parents in school life. Unsurprisingly, some parents feel they then have the right to try to influence what happens in the classroom - I have friends like this, who are constantly complaining about the most trivial of incidents in school, undermining the teacher, and insisting that their child should be treated differently from others.

I'm getting on a bit and remember a time when things were completely different. Parents being involved in school was simply unheard of, and it was accepted that school life was school life, and home life was home life. The trust you talk of was implicit, and parents got on with their lives whilst the school got on with its job in loco parentis for the duration of the school day. Any poor behaviour at school was dealt with, and parents backed up the school at home by reminding the child what was expected of him or her (sometimes accompanied by the threat of something unpleasant happening "when your father gets home!!"). It may not have been ideal, but at least all parties knew the boundaries and respected them. Personally, i would feel very uncomfortable doing this, because I simply do not see what happens in school as my business (not because I do not care, incidentally!)

It's more difficult these days for teachers IMO, because not only do some parents feel they have the right to challenge the school's authority when in loco parentis, but children themselves seem to have been accorded more "rights" to consultation and involvement etc which have resulted in a further blurring of teachers' rights to assert authority at school.

On the point of the OP's child's behaviour - I'm not sure shere she's coming from on this. Is she complaning about what she sees as poor handling of the incident? If it were me, I would not be happy about fighting in school, and embarrassed at the behaviour. I would want to actively support the teacher, not by getting involved in school politics, but by making sure the child understood what behaviour is expected and if he then chooses to misbehave, what the consequences would be. Apologies if I've read the thread incorrectly, but the OP, IMO, is not only acting inappropriately by challenging the school, but also condoning the fighting itself.

I speak as a teacher and as a parent here - in no way was the action of this teacher professional - but, as I'm sure you will notice as your own teaching career progresses, every teacher starts their career with the best of intentions but in many cases do not have the tools, even if well-trained, to deal with the barrage of poor behaviour that is a feature of their working lives, made more difficult by the culture of entitlemement that many pupils and many parents now seem to have.

bettiboo · 20/05/2011 20:58

I couldn't be bothered reading past the first couple of comments. The teacher should not have been shouting and pointing at your child no matter what his behaviour. I understand children must be disciplined for bad behaviour but shouting and pointing at a child is really unacceptable in these circumstances. I would be really angry too.

Animation · 20/05/2011 21:26

fedupandfifty

Yes, I think you're missing the main point - that the teacher was shouting in this child's face, pointing very aggressively, taking sides and humiliating him infront of the other child's mother.

Of course the parents have to intervene on behalf of their son.

This has nothing to do with a "culture of entitlement" - the teacher had basically lost the plot and she is accountable for that.

fedupandfifty · 21/05/2011 16:08

betti and animation

I know it was a bit long and probably boring, but if you'd read it through, you will see that I am not condoning this teacher's behaviour.

fearnelinen · 24/05/2011 22:35

Thanks fedupandfifty that's a really interesting take on it. Although I disagree with you that OP should apologise for her sons behaviour as I think that act in itself undermines the in loco parentis role of the teacher.

Your comments on this sense of entitlement that many people seems to have now are certainly true, and very definately making life harder than it used to be.

I hope I can keep my naive values and enormous passion for as long as possible

manicbmc · 24/05/2011 22:39

I'd just like to see an update on what went on in the follow up meeting - nearly a week ago.

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