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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abusive primary school teacher.

145 replies

Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 11:11

My 8 year old son came home from school after having a fight, he wasnt the person who started yet fought back, i confronted his teacher who said she would resolve the matter. End of the school day the teacher comes across and says my son didnt tell her everything and should of told a teacher, all this in front of the other childs mother!!! Within 2minutes the teacher starts shouting in my sons face and pointing at him to which my husband then says "who the hell do you think your talking to" its carries on until his teacher says shall we go to the headmaster, we reply yes, yet we never make it that far as the teacher stops and starts sweat talking my son!! So we leave, ring the headmaster, were told hes unavailable as is the deputy head, (convienant) told we will be rang first thing, my son then tells me that the same teacher shouted at him in front of his class & when he didnt reply the teacher thumped the desk,,,,,, other parents have confirmed this via their children in the class, so no phone call, go to reception & were told the headmaster is in a "meeting" and will ring us at lunchtime.... ive had enough, do you think im right to make a formal complaint?????

OP posts:
berylmuspratt · 18/05/2011 13:59

Teachers should never shout in the face of pupils and wag their fingers in the children's faces. Sounds like this teacher can't cope. Persevere and see the headteacher and definitely complain.
good luck.

Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 15:25

The headache rang my partner, said he wasnt aware of the problem, said he cannot believe what happened & that he is shocked. He is talking to the teacher tonight & is going to arrange to meet us tomorrow, thankfully my son has had a good day today, his teacher never even came outside which is something she always does, im hoping that she now realises she was in the wrong.

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 15:27

just re read what i wrote "headache" i actually meant headmaster!!!! Its been a lonnnnnnnggggg day :)

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fifi25 · 18/05/2011 15:28

Im pleased it sorted now Dozza. Smile

fedupandfifty · 18/05/2011 15:33

The teacher may have acted unprofessionally in your opinion, but this is a matter for the school to sort out, and not your business. It's not easy being a teacher, particularly when faced with parents who are determined to undermine any authority the teacher has. Teachers should be free to get on with their job - teaching - without the interference of parents, and very often they aren't because of the appalling behaviour of some children.

And this issue wouldn't have arisen if your DS hadn't been misbehaving in the first place. If anything, I think you should be apologising for your son's behaviour.

worraliberty · 18/05/2011 15:48

OMG what a dramallama!

Big deal she shouted and banged the desk when your child was being ignorant, it's hardly going to kill him is it? Hopefully it will teach him to answer when he's spoken to.

Also, ask yourself if you're really being honest about how your son behaves in class as I sincerely doubt a teacher would react like that if this was a total one off.

Teachers get a bad deal nowdays. It seems they can't dish out detentions, lines, or any of the punishments they used to without parents kicking off. Now they can't even shout and bang a bloody desk when the kids being rude.

I wouldn't want their job for the world Sad

boohoohoo · 18/05/2011 15:53

I'm sorry but if a teacher (I am one btw) loses it and resorts to shouting in a Childs face then they have a problem. Christ ps children can be hard, rude, aggressive and so on but a teacher should have strategies to deal with this and never resort to shouting in a Childs face, not only is it counter productive but also intimidating. If this is not the first time then perhaps the teacher needs to look at themselves and ask if they are really right for the job.

Op I hope this gets sorted for you and your son. No child should be afraid of their teacher or any other adult.

BadBagel · 18/05/2011 15:57

You could have avoided all this by not walking away when the teacher started 'sweet talking' your son.

Agree that a meeting with the headteacher is needed as both parties behaved wrongly.

Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:19

My son hadnt mishaved read the comments properly or dont bother commenting at all.

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:20

Thankyou its nice to actually have a teacher comment & agree with me that she was in the one. Thanks again.

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worraliberty · 18/05/2011 16:21

Ignoring your teacher is misbehaving is it not?

Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:21

I find it funny that you say i should be apologising for my sone behaviour, feel free to let me know what it is my son did wrong?? Even the headteacher agrees with me.

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:22

my son was to scared to answer her, remember what its like to be 8, put yourself in his shoes. if you met the teacher you certainly wouldnt be writing that

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:25

ive been his mum for 8 years i know my son, she behaved out of order .

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:26

not my buisness, she was shouting at my son in front of me & pointing in his face, all this because he had not told her, sit back & actually think about it!!!!!

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IgnoringTheChildren · 18/05/2011 16:26

I've just read through the thread and I'm pretty dismayed by some of the responses on here. I frequently have to deal with disruptive behaviour in class and have conversations with parents who believe everything their child says and thinks they can do no wrong. I also sometimes have difficult things going on in my personal life. However I don?t use intimidation to ?control? pupils and I save shouting for moments when I really need to make an impact (and never in a pupil?s face!)

It is the business of a parent to ensure that their child isn?t treated in this manner at school. Parents often do go storming into situations only to find out that they don?t have all the facts, however in this case the OP witnessed how the teacher was behaving towards her son and quite correctly wanted it dealt with.

There are a lot of problems in education at the moment and it would certainly help if parents were more supportive in ensuring that their children have the interest and skills to get the most out of school. It would also help if the ?teachers? who don?t have the skills to teach or the ability to interact with children AND aren?t interested in learning how to would consider alternative careers.

worraliberty · 18/05/2011 16:28

But you seem to have it all sewn up in your mind.

So the Head teacher has told you he agrees with you? Do you not think he said that to pacify you and get you off the phone til he finds out what really went on? Hmm

Then there's the way you put "meeting" in quotes...like for some reason you think he wasn't really at one?? You think it's 'convenient' the Deputy wasn't free. Do you not think they might have been busy with..oh I don't know let's say another pupil/problem?

Then there's the 'oh the teacher is friends with the other child's mum'....not to mention the fact you think this was a matter to discuss with someone in the police force.

Basically you're coming across as you, your DH and your son are totally in the right and anyone else who thinks differently (no doubt including the school staff) seem to be conspiring against you in some way for goodness sake.

Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:30

worraliberty, read the above comment, you clearly cannot judge as you werent there, think about it.

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:31

Thankyou ignoringthechildren, im amazed how many people say me & my son are in the wrong.

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Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 16:32

If i was to do what she did to my son id problary be reported for child abuse!!!

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squeakytoy · 18/05/2011 16:56

If you were to do what she did to your son, he might behave a bit better in class!

worraliberty · 18/05/2011 17:01

worraliberty, read the above comment, you clearly cannot judge as you werent there, think about it.

Then why start this thread if that's your attitude? I'm assuming out of everyone on this thread you were the only person there? Confused

And if you really believe shouting at a child and banging a desk is child abuse, I despair. SS had better get themselves a hell of a lot more staff.

AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 17:12

I think you all sound as bad as each other

the teacher with shouting in the boys face and banging desks (not the first or last time a teacher will get to the end of his/her rope with an unruly class, though, is it ?)

but mostly you and your husband with talk of "mouthing off", "confronting", "kicking off" "bang out of order" blah blah blah

your post is absolutely spitting and fizzing with aggression...did you even realise that

working as a special constable doesn't afford you any more right to be so confrontational with a teacher who we have to assume is working for the best interests of the whole class

also you are out of order in trying to gather evidence from the rest of the class's parents in some of witch hunt, presumably in order to further discredit this teacher

if you come over in RL how you did here, you are the one "bang out of order"

I am of the generation though, that if I got ino trouble at school, I would get another clip round the ear when I got home for getting into trouble and not having respect for the teachers < shrug >

AnyFucker · 18/05/2011 17:13

some sort of witch hunt..

KatieWatie · 18/05/2011 17:29

^^ What AF said

Pity the teachers, but also these poor children who get into the workplace and think it's acceptable to ignore their boss or go against their instruction, because their parents told them that was ok at school, and went in to "sort it out".

They won't last long in the workplace :( Or out in society dealing with the law, for that matter.

Sometimes people do lose their temper - you may have even in the past with your son, or may do in the future. That doesn't mean anyone should 'sort you out', nor does it mean you were entirely reasonable. The sooner he learns that it's better to work within the boundaries when it comes to authority the better, even if those authorities are being 'unreasonable'.