Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abusive primary school teacher.

145 replies

Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 11:11

My 8 year old son came home from school after having a fight, he wasnt the person who started yet fought back, i confronted his teacher who said she would resolve the matter. End of the school day the teacher comes across and says my son didnt tell her everything and should of told a teacher, all this in front of the other childs mother!!! Within 2minutes the teacher starts shouting in my sons face and pointing at him to which my husband then says "who the hell do you think your talking to" its carries on until his teacher says shall we go to the headmaster, we reply yes, yet we never make it that far as the teacher stops and starts sweat talking my son!! So we leave, ring the headmaster, were told hes unavailable as is the deputy head, (convienant) told we will be rang first thing, my son then tells me that the same teacher shouted at him in front of his class & when he didnt reply the teacher thumped the desk,,,,,, other parents have confirmed this via their children in the class, so no phone call, go to reception & were told the headmaster is in a "meeting" and will ring us at lunchtime.... ive had enough, do you think im right to make a formal complaint?????

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 18/05/2011 17:53

worraliberty - you do know teachers can sometimes be in the wrong?! it probabaly doesn't happen often as there are plenty of good teachers about
but it does happen.

worraliberty · 18/05/2011 18:03

Of course I know, but the OP's attitude leads me to think she is in the wrong too.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 18/05/2011 18:16

I agree with AF
Your post smacks of the my-child-can-do-no-wrong attitude I see at work everyday.

'worraliberty, read the above comment, you clearly cannot judge as you werent there, think about it.'

Funny how you deem those who agree with you as fit to judge Hmm

IlsaLund · 18/05/2011 18:19

Fab post AF you said everything I wanted to write but in a more articulate manner

lesley33 · 18/05/2011 18:52

I always think in these situations that it makes sense to think what you want to achieve? If you want the teacher to not do something again, but continue to teach your child, then it is not always wise to make a formal complaint as your first reaction.

It is hard when we are not there to judge it, but I think I would have said to the teacher in the playground I know it must be really stressful teaching children, but talking to my son in that manner isn't very professional. Then I'd leave it. If it happened again I would take it further.

However if you want the teacher sacked then you would approach it differently.

Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 18:56

I dont want anybody sacked, you have to appreciate she wasnt calm from the start, i just dont want it happening again, ive never said my ds is an angel, but i can honestly say he did not deserve to be treated that way, over the last year many parents have had arguments with the teacher, ive just said that im not the only one, i understand how much pressure teachers must be under but if other teachers can resolve issues with out behaving like her then why cant she. And witch hunt... you gotta be having a laugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dozzaflower · 18/05/2011 19:00

My son did NOTHING wrong to warrant a response like the one he got. It wasnt just me, other mums said why on earth did she behave like that.

OP posts:
clam · 18/05/2011 19:17

You say your son did nothing wrong. But yet he was involved in a fight. With respect, as you weren't there, you have only his word for it that he didn't start it but was "only" retaliating. And, as a teacher of 25 years' standing, I'm afraid that you can't necessarily rely on the testimony of the other boys either. It will take a considerable amount of the Head's time to get to the bottom of this and corroborate the various stories.
In the meantime you need to calm right down with the aggression, stop issuing threats and WAIT for the Head to deal with it in the appropriate manner.

IgnoringTheChildren · 18/05/2011 19:17

The OP may not have put her AIBU across in the most articulate way but the facts are pretty clear:

her son was involved in a fight and wasn't able to get across to the teacher what went on;
the OP asked the teacher about the fight;
the OP witnessed the teacher shouting and pointing in an aggressive manner at her son;
it's suggested that the head is involved at this stage but it doesn't happen;
the OP tries to contact the head but he is unavailable;

all of this and other information the OP has heard from her son and others concern her. Her question is IABU to make a formal complaint?

Obviously IABU isn't the place to post if you don't want people to attack your motives/decisions/behaviour and anything else about you and your post they don't like, however it's obvious from the information given that the OP is not being unreasonable to complain about her son's treatment.

The head of the school needs to know these things and respond appropriately based on whether it was just an off-day or an on-going issue. Even if you personally think it's fine for teachers to rule by intimidation and fear, fortunately this is no longer the case.

soverylucky · 18/05/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/05/2011 19:23

hang on a sec rewind, if a teacher in my son's school came up to him & did exactly that i'm sorry but my reaction would be something of the same - ie. this is MY child you're talking to, if you have a problem you address it to me if you're going to talk to anyone like that not HIM! then i'll discuss things with him.

children shouldn't be scared of their teachers. Likewise children shouldn't be misbehaving in the class room.

we've had incidents recently of the ta discussing my child with another parent and yes I did go in & have a rant at the teacher - will make no apologies as it's MY child - if there's problems with your child it should be discussed in a civialised mannor in the classroom away from all other parents, not yelling and hollaring for all & sundry to hear in the playground.

I think the OP & her OH were reacting to the teachers agressive stance by the sounds of it.

OP - i'd say if you have no joy with the head then go to your LEA, this will be my next course of action if I have to discuss the TA's behavior again with the school as so far i've had to talk tot eh teacher twice.

(also would like to point out, my child does know how to behave in the class room & I do disaplin him but there are some things as a parent you need to intervene on.)

Ishani · 18/05/2011 19:31

Teachers are not allowed an off day that involves frightening children, they used to have off days that involved spanking them un necessarily or the wrong child and screaming in the kids face is it's modern day equivilent and compeletly out of order.

Ishani · 18/05/2011 19:35

At railway stations and in hopspitals, council offices on buses etc there are notices saying our staff should be allowed to work without fear and intimidation but it's fine in schools providing it's only a teacher having an off day ?

soverylucky · 18/05/2011 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soverylucky · 18/05/2011 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fearnelinen · 18/05/2011 19:44

fedupandfifty I am really interested in your posts, you talk about teachers being undermined, what happened to in loco parentis e.t.c. and yet you state that OP should be apoligising for her DSs behaviour?

How can parents on the one hand be trusting and stand back from teaching decisions whilst, at the same time, be responsible for their behaviour whilst in the teachers care?
I am training to be a teacher and I see this a lot. Switching from private sector business to public sector has been a real eye opener and many public servants maintain the 'not in my job description' attitude and 'when in doubt, blame the public'. My father is a policeman and he's the same!

Ishani · 18/05/2011 19:45

I'd imagine the teacher shat his/her self at somebody over 3 feet tall answering back, it must gave been quite a shock. I do wonder why some people go into teaching, hopefully the pay cuts on their way will sort those who actually like children from those who couldn't find employment elsewhere.

fearnelinen · 18/05/2011 19:47

OP I think you are absolutely in the right to begin a complaints process as you have described - phoning the head e.t.c. The only thing I would suggest you do differently next time is suggest to the teacher that you all take the convo inside and discuss it sensibly.

Then DH wouldn't have been 'agressive' (although, you have to be pretty wimpy to be upset by that) and the teacher could have taken a breath and spoken to DS about his part, in a far more reasoned way.

fearnelinen · 18/05/2011 19:49

Ishani Really? What a great attitude, hope you DCs manage to find that Mary Poppins character to teach them and then hang on to them for 13 years!!!! Numpty!

davidtennantsmistress · 18/05/2011 19:50

sov - are you honestly saying that if an adult spoke to your child in such away your natural reaction wouldn't be to stop them in their tracks defend your child and then calmly & rationally find out what exactly happened?

QuickLookBusy · 18/05/2011 20:05

A teacher should NEVER shout in the face of a child.

It doesn't actually matter what the 8 yo was supposed to have done.

He is 8
She is a qualified professional who is getting paid to do a job

She has handled this very very badly and thank goodness your headteacher seems to realise that.

Ishani · 18/05/2011 20:08

Mary Poppins or just a civilised professional either will be fine and we won't be accepting anything less, I wouldn't put up with a below par doctor I expect teachers to be able to conduct themselves properly too.

CurrySpice · 18/05/2011 20:12

OP I can see you are very het up (understandably) but you need to calm right down if you are going to do the best by your son.

Can you imagine how it is going to look (and refelect on your son) if you go in shouting the odds and throwing around inflamatory language like bullying and intimidation and violenece. If you were a special constable for 2 years I assume you were taught how to diffuse tense scenarios. No matter how valid your case, the HT will have you down as a trouble maker straight off unless you act calmly and rationally

I absolutely agree with DavidTennantsGirl right at the start:

"I would advise you to go in calmly, and not accusingly. You don't know what has happened in the class, and need to listen to the teacher's side of things too. If you go in all guns blazing, you will antagonise the head teacher and your ds's teacher, and that won't help. Show them that you are prepared to listen to both sides and then to work with them to find a solution you are all happy with, and you are far more likely to get a good outcome."

fearnelinen · 18/05/2011 20:49

Yes ishani of course, but you have stated that we should pay teachers less in order to ensure they really want the job. You disgust me.

bamboostalks · 18/05/2011 20:57

As to the teacher's response to your son missing a school play for a football activity...what respone did you want? That would have been annoying for her. I don't really think you can complain about that.