To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

[Judgeywedgiepants]

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

I've never known anyone to have to choose between their face and their figure but I know that for me personally, my figure would win every time...considering wrinkles aren't bad for your health.

I do think once you hit your forties it's face or arse.
As a friend said to me, " Peppa, you clearly chose arse".

Pregnancy. Forty weeks of enforced fatness. And there's not a thing you can do about it.

Worraliberty - my sister seems to have made the same decision. She has lost a lot of weight, and looks a whole lot older than she used to. She also looks much older than me, when in fact she is 15 months younger.

And I don't see how it can be 'thin-ist' to say that someone who is overweight and loses a lot of weight will very probably end up with excess skin, and that will happen on their face too, so where wrinkles might previously have been plumped out by the underlying fat, when that is gone, they become more obvious, plus there is a certain looseness in the skin that is ageing too.

No I agree but 'face or figure' is not just applied to those who lose weight.
All middle-aged thin slebs still have nice faces why can't us normal folk?
I have loads of friends with good faces and figures ... Not mutually exclusive. I also have over weight friends btw

I genuinely hadn't realised it was applied to middle aged thin celebs too, Nota. I certainly wouldn't do that, and in the future, I will make sure that when I use this phrase, it is clear what I actually mean.

SDTG - if you want any other fitness DVD's the charity shops are usually full of them!! I hope that whatever exercise you do does make your depression ease up a bit. I know I feel better if I go on 'my walk' every day (4 miles) and oddly enough eat an apple (not at the same time!) BUT knowing that doesn't always mean I can make myself do it - sometimes, like you, the treacle is just too heavy and it's all I can do to shower & get through the day :( Also, I go to they gym, but instead of getting that 'buzz' it just saps the last bit of energy I have and leaves me feeling wiped out. I should go to the Drs and get a few things checked out - but I hate that feeling that they don't see past the 'fat person' to see what else might be causing me to feel so utterly exhausted all the time :(

I've not been consistently overweight but here are the key reasons why my weight has gone up:

• I got seriously ill (cancer) and the treatment messed with my body's ability to regulate itself
• I met DH and became very contented with life and his desire for me so the weight crept up
• I went back to work after DD and suddenly found myself sitting at a desk all day and no time/will to exercise
• I hit puberty before anyone else and retreated into myself and found that the more layers of fat I had, the more I could "disappear" and not draw attention to myself.

So, so many different reasons at different times of my life. It's different not just for different people but different for the same person too!

bssh, Number 2 on your list is an interesting one, why would contentment lead to weight gain? From what I've seen in this thread, and I've not read it all, many individuals put their weight gain down to self esteem issues, not something that you associate with contentment. I have noticed it with a couple of friends when they become part of a couple they did put weight on, and said it was because they were eating the same portion sizes as their partners.

ThisisaSign, I was contented because I was loved and desired - he adored (still does) my body at size 12 and at size 18 so I didn't realise my weight was creeping slowly upwards. I loved (love) my life and felt very confident - we went out a lot and socialised well and ate out and cooked in. I eat more when I'm happy, I eat less when I'm stressed or sad. It's only now that I am eating only when physically hungry and now switching food to = fuel and now am losing weight. But I'm still extremely content. Hope that explains it .

haha just read this post. how funny. Some people struggle to have a healthy relationship with food- same as alcoholics with alcohol, drug addicts with drugs, anorexics with food/exercise. The hardest thing about food addiction, is you cant cut food out of your life and go cold turkey. You have to have food to survive and learn a way of controlling your intake- something which maybe people struggle with. People who often have other emotional problems going on and food is simply a bandaid.

Your attitude is pretty narrow minded- maybe think about a weakness you have and try to shed some glimmer of understanding on food addiction and binge eating? Or are you practically perfect perhaps?

bssh, thanks - I guess it's the other side of the emotional attachment that some have towards food, I'd always thought overeating only occurred when people weren't happy about some aspect of themselves or their life.

slight divergence but, I have only recently started going to a gym. i went on a day pass and didn't see one intimidating gym bunny. everyone else there, not being judgey at all, had some imperfection, some were big like me, some older women, but the majority were just normal mums trying to correct the damage of having kids or the sneaky couple of stone that have creeped up. the staff were lovely too. for the first time i did not feel intimidated. i was talking to my sister about how much i loved it there. reading through some comments it seems to be a thing that people are willing to do exercise but just can't get passed the fear of being humiliated. like "i would go for a run but there is no way i want people to see my wobbly bits wobbling and me being bright red and sweaty." you think that everyone is going to judge you for being fat and unfit and disgusting. its completely irrational but you imagine that the fit gym bunnies are looking at you in complete disgust, like you may as well have a sandwich board on saying "free the paedophiles". its a horrible mind set to be in and a even harder one to break. in RL there probably won't be anyone who even looks at you let alone judges you, but you think everyone is thinking the worst about you, and as you get more unfit and bigger the greater this paranoia. you're supposed to be slim and fit and perfect and you feel like great big fat failure for being any thing but so you avoid it, its kinda like stage fright.

food tastes so good
it's pleasurable to eat
sometimes more so rubbish food

I'm not sure about all this face v. figure rhetoric. I know so many athletes who look a good 15 years younger than their fatter compatriots of the same age. And so many people look years younger when they lose weight. Isn't face v. figure applicable only really where someone is a size 12 and would like to get down to a size 8 but is put off because they will lose weight off their face? I mean, its not really the same when someone is say a size 20 and thinking of getting down to a size 14, because the size 20 is not going to look particularly good anyway, particularly if accompanied by a double chin/s.

I do suspect there is some distorted thinking going on with this, where some obese people think themselves highly attractive but perhaps don't see what other people see in the mirror, and use this "fear" of loss of attractiveness as yet another reason to stay big? Its also very vain, to base your whole life round what you look like.

I have to say, and I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that, I personally don't find obese people attractive, no matter what their face looks like.

So true maighdlin I see all sorts at my gym and they're mostly all just going about their business with their iPods on and not giving a sh*t about what anyone else looks like. We all start off somewhere. When I started exercising, I was already fairly slim, thanks to lucky genes, but I would turn beetroot purple and sweat profusely after 5 minutes on the treadmill as I was so desperately unfit. I thought that was embarrassing but no-one else seemed to notice/care.

Face vs figure is an interesting conundrum and not one I've given a lot of thought to before now. I'm pretty sure my face looks 5 years or so older than my age but it's not because I'm slim; it's because of the (far too many) years of smoking and a bit too much boozing. I was mistaken for my children's grandmother last year but to clarify, this was by a New Yorker woman who lived in an area where people generally became grandmothers at about 35-40 so, although initially horrified to think I must look 60+, I accepted that it probably just meant I look a few years older than I am.

I'm happy with a slim and toned figure over a young face. I can use make up on my face but not my body! Despite having had 2 children, I think my figure is great (and I think this is the first time in my adult life that I've felt that way) and so does OH. I could do without the slightly crepey tummy but I know only surgery would fix that and I wouldn't go to those lengths, personally.

Nijinsky n- do you ever look beyond the double chins and the external appearance, and try to see the person inside. I'm told that is what makes me attractive. And that won't change when I lose weight.

Face v figure is a reality for my sister, I have seen it. And I have another good friend who knows if she goes below a certain weight, her face looks older. Obviously it doesn't apply to everyone.

lots of reasons silly.

maybe they develop a health complain tlike arthritis that makes it painful to exercise and so put on weight.

maybe they were not fed a good diet when they were younger and just continued with it.
maybe they are very very poor and buy quickie dinners with little nurtritional value
maybe they are very sad inside
maybe they dont like themselves or they have mental heath problems
maybe they have health problems with diseases that make them put on loads of weight

there are so many to mention.

do you have a size in your mind that is correct?

also your mind can trick you very easily, if you have put on weight slowly oever time you may not notice how much until your reach 16 stone etc.. and then realise. there is no reason to mock someone who decides to lose weight even if they are heavy when they decide too.

Who really knows why someone gets so fat. Or skinny. Or addicted to booze or drugs.

What I do know is that when ever anyone wants to make a change for the better they should be supported and encouraged.

Someone on here mentioned as they are so overweight, exercise is not easy. I have to point out, that as a runner (training for a half marathon) and a size 8/10, exercise is not easy for me either It's not meant to be easy, that's the point. You do not get a training effect until you stress your body and your muscles.

This implies that slim, healthy people who keep active find it 'easy'.

It's tough for me. I'm just trying to get a little bit fitter/firmer. I know I'll never be skinny or at least, if I do manage it, it won't last long because I'll be thoroughly miserable having to say "no, I mustn't have this or that if I want to stay like this".

Have to say, in my 20's and 30's I exercised to look good. Now, I do it 'cause it makes me FEEL good. Do an hour 4 x a week. Or try to.

dr - I completely agree. People DO assume that if you are slim/fit/ etc that somehow it is easy, when it is not. As a runner, you clearly put a lot of effort into staying slim, and are succeeding through hard work and application.

I would not say I am fat but I am 13 stone,and want to lose some weight. I am doing this now as I don't want to get to a stage where I am obese. I have always been slimish but struggled to lose the weight I put on after my DD and my miscarriage.

David's Girl "Nijinsky n- do you ever look beyond the double chins and the external appearance, and try to see the person inside. I'm told that is what makes me attractive. And that won't change when I lose weight."

Yes, of course. Its just that if I wrote all about me and what I thought it would be completely off topic. I'm simply responding to what other people have written. And I do find the concept that a very overweight person should not lose weight because it will make them look older full of misconception.

Although I have to say, I find it a bit off putting when people constantly feel the need to tell you how attractive they are. I have some very attractive friends, and they are the most modest people you will ever meet.

DrNotherner I've made that point too. I did a track session last night and my quads and calves are aching now, though I spent half an hour this morning stretching them out, which helped.

Not everyone who is fat has an illness or low self esteem.
My dh is fat. He is chirpy, self assured, he runs aroung and plays with the ds's. Its me that mainly cooks for him. Last night I did a home made pizza and a big green salad. I should be alot bigger than i am considering how much I eat.
I could do with losing a stone right now. But I haven't done anyhting about it. Lack of willpower, I can only conclude.

Surely the simple answer is that food is a huge pleasure. We all (well most of us) enjoy eating and most of us enjoy eating too much and the things that aren't that good for us.

Exercise is hard work and most of of don't particularly enjoy it.

To lose weight or to stop yourself getting overweight you have to make the conscious decision to deny yourself something you like and do something you don't. Which is hard to do.

And why would you do that? You have to be convinced that what you'd gain is more than what you'd lose. We don't all place the same value of being slim.