To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

[Judgeywedgiepants]

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

Just dance is good as well. Just be careful. I put my back out "ringing my bell"!

re: not so many fat people in the past. Yes people generally had more active lives but a major difference was less cheap access to crappy food. Processed and fast food is literally stuffed with corn syrup, hydrogenated fat and other cheap forms of sugar and fat that are very pleasing on the palate but nutritionally bankrupt. It simply wasn't possible to eat and drink so much sugar so quickly in the past as it is now in foods freely and cheaply available.

I'm not very overweight but have spent my whole adult life "losing 10lbs".

Now, I'm 5ft 6". My BMI is 26 and I tip the scales at 11stone ( only know this because I recently had my check up at the GP surgery). My best weight is around 10 stone. BUT.....I lose it........and it creeps back on. Then I lose it........and it creeps back on. You get it? Why do Slimming World and Weight Watchers keep coming up with "new" regimes and incentives and "this time you can do it" adverts? IT'S BECAUSE THE MINDSET REQUIRED TO LOSE WEIGHT IS NOT ABOUT "GOING ON A DIET".

I think maybe it's a cycle of saddness, comfort eating (maybe), guilt, dieting, disillisionment when you realise you can't "diet" forever and/or just getting bored counting "sins/points" whatever!

So, on it creeps again and usually.....more than you've lost in the first place.

Don't know what the answer is, but I don't believe anyone gets to 18 stone without realising and just wakes up to find they've grown! It's far more complicated than that.

I'm away to the gym now....got 10lbs to lose!

Oh and OP? I wonder if you are one of those smug types who eat like a horse and are just skinny? I know someone like that who tut tut tuts at people who are fat. The woman eats more than your average amount of food and is like a stick. Straight up and down, not bum no chest, nowt.

I'd rather look like me!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl - I do understand that there are lots of reasons why people are fat. But ultimately that's what it boils down to.

The reason there are slim fit people at the gym is because....well...they exercise. Running away to avoid what people may/may not think is just self defeating isn't it?

I started a military fitness club last year. I'd never done any serious exercise before other than the occasional visit to the gym where I'd spend more time walking & drinking water than serious exercise.

I knew noone and started in the bottom group. You even wear a different bib just so the instructors know you are at the bottom. I was so rubbish I couldn't run more than a hundred yards without panting and couldn't walk for about 3 days afterwards! Imagine running through a public park...huffing and puffing with a bright blue bib on with loads of others who are fitter?

I persevered though because ultimately there is only one way to get fit and that's to do the exercise. A year down the line and I'm in the middle group now and have made loads of friends.

My point is that you can give up because you don't want to look a fool but it's actually the giving up which makes you the fool.

David's Girl I would hope your doctor has mentioned the benefits that exercise has in tackling depression. And why go to a gym - even the most confident, physically perfect people would find themselves feeling self conscious there. What about just going for a walk, or cycling in the countryside? Preferably in company, so you have others to encourage you.

BloofertLady " It's simply not the case. I suspect my weight would be far from the first thing you noticed about me"

Speaking for myself and the people I know only, weight is probably one of the first things you notice about people, unless you are in a professional setting. I've heard male friends of mine discussing it and saying they automatically discount a girl as girlfriend material if she is overweight. Not in a sense that they criticise her but that they just don't consider her. I guess its because they're all quite young and sporty and want a partner who will do the activities they enjoy with them. I guess this is different for people who have put on weight later in life for whatever reasons. It might seem judgemental, but I guess people are entitled to their own likes and dislikes.

I hear what you say about fat people not being inactive or lazy, but down at the track, at hill races, in the showjumping arena, even when I'm driving past people running or cycling, you just don't see many fat people. I do see them at the gym though.

STDG- I am really impressed with all the things you DO manage to fit into your life! Particularly the choir (I am a big choir fan, and I've never found anything like the pure rush of sheer happiness and adrenalin generated by choral singing).

A lot of people who exercise seem to find a similar rush in exercise, which is lovely for them. I've never experienced this, so exercise for me is an unpleasant punishment. I'd rather be doing something like cooking or working in my small garden. I have to get to the point where I truly hate myself before I start exercising, at which point I tend to go all out like nijinsky, (i used to work very long days and all-nighters, would get in from work at 5.30 am, go to the gym for an hour and go back to work at 8am on those days) but not enjoying it as he does. If I am feeling happy, I tend to just think "you know, I am an OK person. I don't need to make myself miserable" and will go and do something I like doing instead, which makes me feel even happier, but not thinner.

So I think your and Kewcumber's carefully thought out posts are really helpful, to show the sheer range of the way in which people think and why this happens. It really is not simple.

NiceGuy - yes, it does boil down to calories in versus energy out - but when there are lots of underlying issues (depression, medication, injury etc) you have to tackle the underlying issues first, in my experience. That is what I am trying to explain here.

If you don't tackle why someone overeats, then even if they do manage to lose weight, it won't stay off, because the underlying issues that made them overeat in the first place, will still be there. Tackle the underlying issues, and any weight loss has a far greater chance of being successful.

And as I said, I need to learn to like myself in order to want to take care of myself.

Nijinsky - yes people have mentioned the benefits of exercise, my doctor included, and as you can see from my recent posts on here, I am listening to people's advice about what sorts of exercise to try, and am going to give them a go. I have also had a healthy breakfast for the first time in ages.

SDTG

It's chicken & egg isn't it? A friend of mine who is overweight/obese started the same club as me after a few weeks of being there. After a few weeks of being there, she found she didn't really need her Anti-D's anymore. The exercise seemed to help her greatly. She later gave up as it wasn't helping her lose weight (suspect the large bottles of wine & packs of Haribo's were not helping) and lo & behold she's back on the anti-d's again.

Getting fit is not equal to losing weight. It's all too easy to overcompensate. If you want to lose weight, it's easier to stick to a strict diet than pound the treadmill.

Well - as I said earlier, Niceguy - I thought it was better to deal with the condition that was making me suicidal on a daily basis, as a matter of urgency, before dealing with the weight. Seemed logical to me at the time.

The thing that exercise, and particularly competitive sport teaches you, is that its important how your body functions as opposed to concentrating purely on what it looks like. Sure, looking good is a side effect of being fit, but its not the primary motivator for most athletes. Perhaps its a self esteem thing - theres more to life than looking attractive for men, or worrying that your man will leave you if you lose or gain a few pounds, or don't look a certain way. And I have to say from the comments that I've read on here, the overweight people tend to be at least as, if not more so, focussed on how they look than the slim ones.

I'm not sure I understand this food addiction thing, either. I'm not being judgy by the way, and I understand that people have all sorts of problems with food that have nothing to do with hunger, but surely an addiction is somethiing more than just a compulsion to do something? I can understand an addiction to cigarettes, or drugs, because they alter the state of the body or mind, but calling something an addiction just because you like it and can't/don't want to stop is belittling to those with genuine addictions, IMO. Yes, food is nice, eating is a pleasant way to pass the time, and we all need to do it, otherwise we'd die. Being disciplined around food is difficult sometimes, and putting on weight becomes easier as you age/ become more sedentary/ lazy, but it is NOT inevitable for most of us.

It's great that you're addressing your MH problems SDTG and I'm really pleased that you're considering a few gentle exercise options too. I really hope the exercise helps your mental health, whether or not it helps you to lose weight.

I do identify with what you say about self-esteem/self-worth and how that impacts on our ability to get up and do something positive for ourselves. When I am low I either start drinking more or eat lots of crap. But it's a vicious cycle as both of those things make me feel 10 times worse about myself (and feel grim physically of course).

I do still fall into ruts but I because I have exercised regularly for the last 4 years (before that, I did none at all for 10 years) I have plenty of experience of the positive benefits so, although it's hard, I remind myself that drinking/eating less and exercising more will really benefit me within a couple of days. Once you've attained a reasonable fitness level, you find you can have the odd 'oops' kind of a week and then get back on it with barely a blip in fitness level or weight.

The difficulty is for a total non-exerciser to get started. It is hard, I remember it well. For me, I was basically shamed into it when I realised that, in a department of about 12 people at work, I was the only person who didn't exercise. They weren't health freaks or anything; just nice normal people ranging in age from 20 to nearly 60 but they sometimes talked about the various active pursuits that they enjoyed and I remember having a kind of lightbulb moment of 'Oh....normal people exercise and they seem to enjoy it. Maybe I should try it'!

I think Niceguy's post is well-reasoned, also Nijinksky's last post. There are many reasons why people are overweight but, ultimately, only the overweight person can tackle the issue (if they want to).

I don't like exercise much, I admit it. I belong to a private gym with a swimming pool and I go there. Nothing would induce me to use a public sports centre because I'm self conscious about my breasts. Perhaps people's eye's pop out at the private gym too, but they're quicker to pop them back in. I feel more comfortable there anyway.

I've also suffered depression (only once) and found that getting on with things, getting through the initial barrier of not wanting to, not feeling that I can and actually biting the bullet and doing it, made the difference to me.

I suppose the way I feel about it is that it's only I who can change anything and I've got to be doing something, anything rather than nothing.

I have never understood the "endorphin" thing with exercise. I am currently doing no exercise but I have in the past exercised regullarly for up to 6 months at a time, usually while on one of my dieting phases. I have also dieted in the past without exercising. My conclusion with regard tro exercise is (for me that is)

1 I can lose weight just as easily without exercise as with it. Of my 9-10 "successful" diets in the last 30 years (i.er ones where I lost at least 3-4 stone, and which lasted at leasts 6 months). I would say about a quarter were done with exercise and about three quarters with almost no exercise at all.

2 Exercise does not have that "make me feel better" effect after the first couple of weeks or so. So in he first few weeks of dieting and exercising I do find that I feel happier and have a buzz after exercising (despite the often crippling aches and pains that often come with it ).

After the first few weeks that effect wears off gradually and after a month or so I find that the effect has gone. This is despite the fact that I do continue for many months and get much fitter in that time. So I am left with many of the same aches and pains (as of course I am increasing the exercise so that I continue to improve my fitness, hence the aching) but not of the uplifting feelings that people say you get afterwards.

Eventually though I tend to find I just can't motivate myself any more keep doing this unenjoyable thing which has no immediate reward (though I appreciate it has long term health beneifts).

I agree fedup I don't think it's a chemical addiction in the same way as nicotine or drugs.

nijinsky Agree 100% about exercise and the importance of how your body functions. I'll admit, when I started doing it, it was because I thought I should and I wanted to tone up. Now, it is a different thing altogether. It's about challenging myself, trying new things, marvelling at what my body can do (said without arrogance, it is marvellous what human bodies are capable of generally), relieving stress, having time to myself to think. The fact that it keeps me slim is a happy by-product.

fedupandfifty... If you can put the actual 'thing' (food, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol) out of your mind and focus on the 'sensation' that using that 'thing', gives, you'll see there's no difference.

My Mum always saw cigarettes as a 'friend', to celebrate, to commiserate, to alleviate boredom, to reduce stress, anytime was the right time for one. I didn't see them that way but we still smoked.

People have different 'hooks' and 'things' hold them in different ways, albeit that the addiction, which is nothing more than an 'overriding desire for a thing' is the same, in my view anyway.

You need a combination of diet and exercise to lose weight most effectively. Exercise on its own often won't do it and while diet on its own will do it, its more effective with exercise.

I am actually shocked by some of the attitudes on here. To say things like your DP might leave you if you lose weight, or its more attractive to carry extra weight in case your face gets thin, and to base your whole lifestyle around how you look. I'd just say "tough". Unless you are a supermodel making your living from it, most of us probably look pretty average anyway and will either find and keep a man or not no matter what we look like. If that is indeed one of your main goals in life. But to claim keeping a man is a reason for not losing weight? Seriously? Its also really arrogant and not a tad unrealistic.

Likewise, I'm shocked at the "I can't do this because of this" reasoning. Anyone can find excuses for anything. Generally to do well at anything in life, you need motivation, committment and hard work. Its a pretty general rule that applies to anything really.

I am fat because I enjoy nothing more than a decent meal (with dessert, natch), a cheeseboard and a few glasses of red. Also because I have sent the past 7 years looking after everyone but myself, never allowing myself time to go to the gym or to address the issues related to my wegiht which have slowly eroded my self-worth.

How, I hear you ask, have you managed to get to a size 18 without realising? Because the people around me still see me as a funny, attractive, strong, intelligent woman and didn't disown me as soon as I hit a size 14. So I am fat and happy, meaning I never feel the need to go round apologising for myself, or looking for ways in which to make other people feel somehow unworthy (take note, OP).

Now, having afforded myself the time to concentrate on me, I'm at the gym five times a week and eating a healthy diet. So soon, I'll be as slim as I assume the OP is, but lacking that irritating judgemental streak. Win/win :o

very nicely put

It is true to say, though, Nijinsky, that losing a lot of weight can make your face look gaunt, and can exacerbate wrinkles. My dsis has lost a lot of weight, and though she is 15 months younger than me, she actually looks 10 years older now. If I manage to lose the weight, there will come a time when I have to choose between my figure and my face. At the moment, I have almost no wrinkles at all, because they are plumped out, but that will change.

It's not going to put me off dieting, but it might make me stop before I get down to my perfect weight - because even though I am distinctly average to look at, I do want to look nice - and if I lose the weight, I want to be happy about it, and enjoy my new body, and looking 90 years old might stop me doing that.

You also say that it is ridiculous to refuse to lose weight in order to keep a man - would it be equally ridiculous to slim down in order to keep a man?

Do excuse the typos. Bloody sausage fingers

I also think I am showing discipline and commitment in tackling the depression - and it is damned hard, I assure you. Hopefully as I feel better, I will be able to apply that to losing weight, but at the moment, recovering from depression is my priority. Why do you see this as an excuse, Nijinsky (if you do)?

SDTG... Do you think you might be putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself by worrying about wrinkles you may or may not have when you lose weight? If losing weight is what you want to do, why not cross that bridge when you get to it. When you get to a weight where you're happy with your face/figure, you can just stop. :)

Worrying about something like that in the far off future is something that would probably make me not bother in the first place.